Kenapa Harus Bule?

My mother once told me that life is a compilation of choices we've made.

Every day we have to make choices.

From simple choices like "what are we going to eat?"

"What are we going to wear?"

"Which fake eyelashes are we going to put on?"

"How many inches of high heels are we going to wear?"

To greater choices like "when do you want to get married?"

"How many children are you planning to have?"

It should have been me.

It should have been me too.

Eww! Not that one. She's a hustler.

Douchebag.

Douchebag.

A-hole.

Playboy.

Douchebag.

Loser.

And I've reached that point in my life.

That crucial point in my life where I have to make...

...the biggest decision of my life.

Decision for my future, my life, and my dignity.

Although there's no guarantee that it would make me happy.

But I can not afford to lose hope!

And today will be the highlight of my life.

The day I finally take control of my life and my destiny.

The day that marks a new era!

A new chapter!

The day that I will find my true love!

The love of my life!

The father of my children!

My future caucasian (Bule) husband!

Mimin is going to the market!

Pipin, Mimin!

Pipin, Mimin!

Pipin, Mimin!

Hi, girls!

Let me introduce you to my boyfriend.

This is Andrew.

Andrew, these are...

...the girls.

- Hi. - Hey.

- Hi, I'm Sha. - Hi, I'm Andrew.

- Nice to see you. - Nice to see you, too.

Are those your friends?

I would not call them friends. They're hustlers, you know?

And I'm not.

I see.

Hey! What are you doing kissing my boyfriend?!

Boyfriend, huh? You've never even slept with him.

But we've already kissed!

And I'm not cheap like you, sleeping together on the first date!

Come on, Pipin.

You and I have no commitment whatsoever.

- Let's go, baby. - I've got to go, Pipin.

I kind of need...

...sex, you know?

No! You can't treat me like shit!

Take me home!

What's up, Mak?

Mak!

What? What happened?

Mak, my Bule. My Bule... A slut stole my Bule!

Which Bule?

Andrew...

The one you met on "Tinder" or "Minder"?

"Minder", Mak...

What did I tell you, huh? Don't look for boyfriend at "Minder"!

It's full of horny men with one thing in their mind, sex!

I'm so upset, Mak!!

I've told you, you'd better move here to Bali with me.

You can get a better chance finding Bule here.

Go home now! Do not disgrace our country!

Maak! Welcome to Bali!

Geee... still with your erect fake eylashes, huh?

These are my charms!

So, it's a new day It's a new life!

And I'm feeling good, Mak!

I can't believe I finally am moving to Bali!

It's about time.

I've been telling you to move here since last year.

The competition in Jakarta is getting fierce.

Those hustlers are getting younger, prettier, and sexier.

While you're getting older and saggy.

Watch your mouth! I'm not a hustler!

I'm sorry, but one look at you, people would think that you are.

Besides, I told you there's no way you'll get a Bule husband at Club 69!

All you'll ever get is nasty competition with hustlers.

I know, right! And all the Bule there doesn't want to marry me either.

They just want sex.

And you still stick to your celibacy rule...

Saving your cherry for your husband...

No Bule wants that! And meanwhile, your cherry starts to...

- Ripen! - It's so ripe, it's rotting.

Damn you!

Seriously, please help me find my true love in Bali, okay?

I left so many things in Jakarta. I left my mother, my job...

All right. And you're 29 now, right?

You're already such pain in the ass in your 20s.

I can't imagine when you're in your 30s.

Yes, I'll be 30 next year.

My deadline to get married. I want to have children too, you know.

Then stop complicating your own life. Don't be too picky.

If he's compatible enough with you, kind, financially stable...

...then he's the one. Remember, don't let your cherry rot!

You're so annoying.

And you have to follow my strategies. You have to obey me.

No more Bule hunting in clubs!

And stop using "Minder" or another dating app like that! Period!

Yes, my dear Arik, Sir!

One more thing, I have to look for job here too.

My savings is only enough to support myself for six months.

You don't want me to keep staying with you, right?

- Kak? - What!

Where are you? Is your friend already with you?

I'm driving. Talk later.

Was that your boyfriend?

Ew, he's just a clingy twink. Keeps calling me "kak" (older brother).

Introduce us!

- Who is he? - Just a local boy.

We only had one date, and now he's crazy for me.

Maybe he falls in love with you. And what's with that fake manly voice?

- What?! I am manly! - You're kidding, right?

I can't believe you. What's wrong with this one?

Well... He's soooo not my type. Just like his name, Bias.

He's so biased, annoying and too sissy.

But all your exes are annoying!

Are you afraid that this one is going to steal your spotlight?

- Damn you. Drop it! - All right.

How's your guest house business going? Good?

Of course! My father wants me to build a new one in Nusa Dua.

That's awesome. So, where are we going tonight?

You'll see. I have a candidate for you.

Are you serious?

Come here.

Thank you.

Look what you did! You ruined my expensive BB cream.

Here, let me clean it for you. Just keep driving. I'll clean it.

Timo is not the only boy in the world.

I know, Mom.

And as a girl, you have to be smart.

Only one bee should be allowed to suck your nectar.

- Ew, gross, mom. - And that bee should be...

My husband. I know. I'm not a fool, you know?

But women tend to act foolishly when they're in love.

- So, were you like that too? - I was very smart then.

And I don't want my only daughter to be fooled by men.

- Did you 'do it' only with daddy? - Of course! Look at your father.

Such an outstanding gentleman.

So handsome, strong, such gentleman, and a responsible man.

I'm so proud that he was the only bee who ever sucked...

Eww! Stop it, Mom!

Done.

Oh, my God, Mom! I look so different!

Oh, my God!

Gorgeous!

- Hello, gorgeous. - Aw, thank you.

Sorry. I meant him.

- Do you want to hang out later? - No, but thank you.

Okay, whatever.

Happy? He's horny for you.

Ah, I don't do backpackers, and I don't like Bule.

- But he looks so masculine. - Nope.

Gurl, are you eating nachos or chewing grass?

You make mess on your mouth. Eat like a lady!

You'd better clean your mouth.

What's that? Let me see your handbag.

- No! - It's so tacky.

- I don't care. - Is it a fake designer handbag?

It's cute! I like the bling bling color.

- Is it fake? - Okay.

I don't want to waste my money on original designer handbags.

They're too expensive for me. Nobody'll notice the difference anyway.

- Well, I did! - You're a queer!

I'd rather you wear a cheap handbag than wearing a fake designer bag.

Beautiful only on the outside, but ugly on the inside!

- You're fooling yourself. - But this is a good quality fake.

I don't care if it's a good quality or even a super quality fake.

Fake is fake! I'd rather see you carry a plastic grocery bag.

I'm getting you one. Let me ask the waiter.

Stop it! Where's the Bule that you want to introduce to me?

Bule! Bule! He's almost here. What's with your Bule infatuations?

Leave me alone. Bule is cool.

There are many cool local men too. Like me.

Local men are so uncool.

They're fake, shallow, and unromantic.

They want a wife with a housemaid criteria.

- I think you already look like one. - Damn you!

Local men are too demanding.

Besides, I know they think I'm too ugly for them.

But for Bule, I am exotic.

Oh, please.

- Hello, guys. - Hi, Ben, how are you?

- Sorry, I'm late. - Hi, Ben. I'm good.

This is my friend Pipin. Pin, this is Ben.

Hi, Ben. I'm Pipin. Nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you too, Pipin. It's been a long...

Ben is from Melbourne, Australia. And he owns this place...

...among many other businesses he owns.

Well, it's not all mine.

- And he's so modest. - Just telling the truth.