Faking It

Previously on Faking It...

Time to occupy Hester!

Liam's really into this protest,

so I'm gonna be the protestiest protester

who ever protested.

I am so sick of the way

you've been acting lately, and for what?

So some boy you hardly know will fall in love with you.

I'm Oliver.

I finally meet a girl I like, and she's a lesbian.

Karma and I are faking it.

At least Karma is.

I'm not so sure.

It's been 12 hours and 32 minutes of silence.

That's ten more minutes than when you got

your tonsils out.

I can't stand not talking. I'm in physical pain.

Please call me back.

And you were right about Liam Booker.

I don't know what I was thinking.

I'm sorry, and I miss you.

No. No.

No.

Welcome.

Why can't I have normal parents?

Trouble in paradise?

Things are complicated.

Well, perhaps this crane will lift

your spirits with its wings.

Dorky fact... I'm learning the captivating art

of Japanese origami.

Okay, thanks, Oliver.

Hey, what are you doing right now?

Going to school like a normal person.

Did you snort some meth this morning?

I need you to help me find a girlfriend. I think.

Amy, you already have a girlfriend.

If these people find out you're faking it,

they will lynch you and not even notice the irony.

Well, I'm not faking it, and that's the problem.

If I'm having these feelings for Karma,

then I must be a lesbian.

Whoa. I think it's too soon to bust out the label maker.

You're the one who outed me to the whole school, remember?

Yes, but now I realize you're much more complicated.

And interesting.

Well, yesterday I kissed Oliver,

and I didn't feel anything.

Why didn't I feel anything?

He makes really cool cranes.

Shocking you didn't jump him right there.

Look, if I find a real girlfriend,

then my fake girlfriend can go back

to being my best friend.

That's what this is about?

These feelings are killing me.

Yesterday I blew up at her because I was jealous of Liam.

Who does that?

Trashy women on reality TV, that's who.

Help me.

I'm going to agree,

both because I can see you're in pain

and because I'm dying to see how this plays out.

It was interfering with your chakra,

so we just need to cover 'em up, okay?

There you go. Oh, so much better.

You guys.

What are you doing here?

I know, isn't this so exciting?

No, no. This isn't exciting.

Please go somewhere else. I mean, we live in Austin.

There's always a stupid festival.

Well, honey, where better to sell

organic juice than at school?

And besides, we want to show our support for you,

our proud lesbian daughter.

Oh, Lucas, show her the sign.

Oh.

Ha! I mean, wow.

It really pops, doesn't it?

No! No!

I allowed you to take that photo.

I didn't give you permission to blow it up,

just like I didn't give you permission to be here.

Well, the truth is,

we could use the money.

What do you mean you could use the money?

Don't worry.

No, a few good days and we'll be fine.

- I promise. - Honey.

If you want us to... pbbt... we'll...

Okay, you can stay.

I'll come back after everyone's gone to help clean up.

But keep that sign rolled up.

Okay.

Hey.

Did you get my text?

I wanted to tell you how great that song was.

Well, you've told me.

You can die happy.

She didn't mean that.

She gets a little snippy when she's fighting

with her girlfriend.

Not that I have ever met that girl before.

I'm a little psychic.

- Women, you know, they... - Let me see.

- Oh, yes, that's constricted. - Oh.

You are in dire need of a dragonheart shot,

on the house.

And it comes with a free hug.

Wow. Thanks.

You seem uncomfortable.

Yeah, I don't really come from a family of huggers.

Oh, you poor thing.

Just relax and enjoy.

I'm humiliated. Everybody is staring at me.

Wow, they're being so discreet,

you can't even tell.

Tommy asked me to sext him,

so I sent a photo of me in my bra.

I know everybody's seen it.

I don't know what I was thinking.

You should've used Snapchat.

Obviously.

Hey, what's up, bro?

- Check it out. Look at this. - Oh.

I knew it.

Tommy Ortega!

I knew I never have sent you tha...

I put a crown on Mr. Squiggles.

Oh. Thank God.

I was worried you were showing these guys

what I sent you last night.

Don't worry, I deleted it.

I know you don't want that getting around.

No. Wouldn't want that.

Welcome to the Twain.

Lesbian coffee shop by day,

gay bar by night,

and ne'er the twain shall meet.

Wow, I've never seen this many lesbians in the wild.

Well, you asked. I delivered.

So first things first. What's your flavor?

We got your lipsticks,

we got your sporties,

you got your Kristen Stewart groupies.

Or are you more classic Butch?

Oh.

I have to pick a favorite?

I don't know.

I like her belt.

Who here makes your no-no place say yes-yes?

That's the problem.

I didn't have those feelings for Karma until we kissed.

I guess I have to start kissing some lesbians.

Or you could just start by...

Shoot me a look if you need me.

Creators, protectors, and nurturers.

We get our strength from Gaia, mother earth.

And when I look into all of your beautiful faces,

I see just how powerful we are.

- Aw. - Hey, mom, how are you?

Everybody, meet my parents.

Karma, you're acting very erratic.

Just this morning you didn't want anyone

to know we were related.

I was joking.

I'm proud to be a part of this family.

Where's my kale suit? I'll help pass out samples.

Oh, your friend Liam has that covered.

Oh, but you can clean the juicer.

It's full of pulp.

- Hey, what you studying? - Anatomy.

That could come in handy one day.

Hopefully.

I really want to go to med school.

Why bother when we can play doctor right now?

You're joking.

Right?

I'm so sorry.

Do you want to get out of here?

Yeah.

- You do? - Hell yeah.

Let's go to my car.

Oh, uh...

Am I right?

I have a girlfriend.

I shot you a look. You were supposed to be looking.

I had to look away. It was too gory.

Was I that bad?

Eh, you were lewd and aggressive

and overly sexual.

And that works for gay guys,

but lesbians don't want to just hook up.

You know, they want to bond, and they want to nest,

and they want to fall in love and let themselves go.

Sounds amazing.

How do we make this happen?

There's an app for that. It's called Syzzr.