Not Suitable for Work

Which of the following statements is true?

Relationships with coworkers are: "A," forbidden;

"B," okay with clearance;

"C," fine if no one gets hurt.

- "C" all day. - Incorrect.

- The answer is "A." - What?

Suzanne, that's insane.

Are you telling me that if there's a conflict between work and love,

you expect me to pledge my loyalty to work?

Uh, I am Team Love.

Davis, out of a possible score of 50, you have scored two.

Please see your manager for further training.

Not again.

Do not fuck the people you work with.

I'm sorry, what?

I know it's New York, and being slutty is now empowering, but it's the law.

This is our sexual harassment training. Hands off your coworkers.

Do you mean Nadia?

Of course, not Nadia.

You are the assistant to a celebrity stylist.

I mean, do not fuck our clients.

They're hot, they're famous, and they will literally jump on anything.

Okay, now sign this saying I trained you, or you're fired.

- Nadia... Podepiš to! - Yes, ma'am.

Today we will uncover the cadavers,

including the genitalia.

They may be swollen.

May I remind you, you are all future doctors,

so I don't want to hear any giggling.

And I certainly don't want to see our heroic donors

in sunglasses on TikTok.

- Yes, Kel? - Do we have to?

- Do we have to what? - Uncover the body.

Yes, that's literally the point.

Okay. Is... is there, like, a... a vegan

or a rubber, I don't know, less corpse-y option lying around?

You can't be a doctor without touching a cadaver.

What do you want, a mannequin? You wanna cut it

and see if it's cake or not?

- No, that would be great, though. - Kel.

- Hm? - Remove the sheet.

Damn, that dude's real dead.

Someone bring a gurney.

Oh yeah. Yes. Oh yeah.

- Yeah, I'm so close. - Same.

Yes! Yes, right there, just like that.

Oh, my God! Oh!

Are... are you on your phone?

I'm... I'm just double checking the time for the interview.

Oh, my God, you've got to be kidding me.

Viv, I'm sorry.

Josh, you've checked it, like, a hundred times already,

Babe, it's The Wes Dryden Show. I can't screw this up.

It's a TV show. I am your literal girlfriend

who was just fucking your brains out.

Which I loved and want to circle back to.

But The Wes Dryden Show is not just a TV show to me.

The Wes Dryden Show is investigative journalism at its best.

Wes Dryden is an American hero.

And I realize I'm... I'm saying that

to a social worker.

I'm such an asshole.

I'm sorry. I'm just so nervous.

You're not an asshole.

You're just a huge nerd

who is inexplicably passionate about TV journalism.

Who's freakishly strong

and good at sex.

Ava!

Rise and shine, sleepyhead.

I made you an oat milk latte.

Ava?

What the hell?

"Davis, you're such a great guy, but I don't think it's going to work out.

"Can you text me what brand of humidifier you have?

XO. Ava."

Hey, is this cardigan pretentious?

- Uh, it's so you. - Thanks.

Wait, am I pretentious?

I'd love to talk about this later.

I'm working on my lines for my callback.

You got a callback for that play? That's huge!

Yeah, dude, I know. I... I sent in a tape,

like, two weeks ago and heard nothing,

which is basically what always happens with these open casting calls.

But I just got an email, and they want to see me in person.

- Dude! You're great in person. - I know!

Wait, but how are you able to do this and med school?

Okay, so I have this new system

where basically, I don't sleep at night,

but when I shower, I allow myself to drift off.

And then, when the water gets cold, I get out.

That's not a system, that's a cry for help.

No, no, it's working great. I... I just I haven't figured out

how to stop fainting or... or nodding off in conversation.

Did a beautiful woman leave here this morning?

Yeah. Yeah, she was definitely in a hurry.

Well, that's it.

I will be alone the rest of my life.

- Davis, it's just one girl. - Oh, hey, it's... it's okay, man.

- You'll be fine. - No. No, I won't be fine.

You guys don't get it. I am the complete package.

I am a straight man in New York City with a high-paying job

and a great body... Calves could use some work...

Who wants to wife up a woman and have four beautiful kids

who go to private school.

Do you know how rare that is? And yet, I am single.

I am a loser.

You clearly don't think you're a loser.

You just complimented yourself, like, five times.

Kel. Bro, are you asleep?

I'm up, I'm up, I'm up.

You... uh, girls like you, and you have a great body.

Davey, you gotta chill out and not come on too strong.

Come on too strong?

All I did was go on her social media,

find out her favorite drink, and then get my barista certification

to learn to write on latte foam

so I could personalize her coffee when she woke up. Kel!

Kel, get my back here.

I can't. You're like a sociopath.

You gotta stop doing weird shit like that, man.

Oh, and speaking of coffee,

can you guys grind your beans and eat breakfast on the terrace?

- Why? - Vivian mentioned

it's loud for her in the morning.

- Yeah, but Vivian doesn't live here. - She basically does.

Yeah, except in the way where she pays rent.

Guys, I know this is not ideal, but we'll be out of your hair soon

when we move to the apartment across the hall. Thank you.

Sorry! I appreciate you!

I cannot believe that you have a girlfriend, and I don't.

I'm gonna go shower alone.

- Can I help you? - Hi.

Uh, I'm new to the building.

My phone died. I forgot my apartment number.

Miss, I think we're all good here.

I know this scam. You get inside, you chat us up,

and suddenly my laptop's missing.

Oh, my God, it's you.

- What? - Nothing.

Um, do you know where Abby Chilukuri lives?

Abby. Uh, Indian? Gorgeous?

Smells like a garden after a summer's rain?

Wow, uh, yes. That is her.

Right across the hall, 6-D.

Hey, friendly bit of advice. I'd lose the Red Sox hat.

It's not gonna make you a lot of friends around here.

Wow.

Um, are you making a lot of friends in that cardigan?

Excuse me. This cardigan belonged to my father.

And when our cleaning lady accidentally shrunk it, he gave it to me.

Cool. Bye.

- Nice meeting you, neighbor. - Neighbor?

You're moving in across the hall?

Yeah. Lucky me.

Tell Abby Kel says hi.

- Nice to meet you, neighbor. - No. No. No, Kel.

- What? - It's not nice to meet her.

She was very rude about my sweater.

Ah, you're finally here.

- Welcome to New York. Oh! - Abby.

Abby, get in here.

Shut the door.

Why didn't you tell me we live next door to Josh?

- Who? - Botswana Josh.

Who is Botswana Josh?

This is a shoe-free apartment, but continue.

Sophomore year. Model U.N.

He came to Penn with the Michigan team.

It was the height of COVID.

I hadn't seen the lower half of a man's face in a year.

I took him back to our room and we hooked up.

But Botswana Josh left before the sun came up.

I woke up and he was gone.

I remember now. That son of a bitch.

I slept in the hallway so you guys could have sex.

Someone leaned their bike on me.

I texted him, but he ghosted me,

and I never heard from him again until now.

- Oh, fuck this. - Wait, wait, wait. Where are you going?

To confront Botswana Josh

and humiliate him in front of his roommates.

No! No, stop! He didn't even recognize me.

We can never speak of this. It's too embarrassing.

Forget it. Just show me the apartment.

I'm nothin', Pop.

Pop, I'm nothing!

Can't you understand that?

There's no spite in it anymore.

I'm just what I am.

That's all.

That's good, man. How you doing?

- Uh, Quest. - Oh, my God. Questlove.

- Yeah, man. - Yo, what... what are you doing here?

Oh, I'm... I'm one of the producers.

Like, if it's in New York and it's cool,

then they kind of have to ask me.

Well, thank you, thank you, wow. It's... it's such an honor to meet you.

And my mom, she wants to hook you up with one of my cousins, if you're single.