GCB

Hi, all! Carlene cockburn here. Welcome back to dallas!

You're not the only one who just returned. Aah!

Sad, penniless, disgraced amanda vaughn

Moved back in with her mama, gigi,

After her philandering thief of a husband died in a car crash.

Amanda's the devil herself.

Us girls aren't too pleased to see

The former head cheerleader/evil queen.

She claims she's changed her ways, but her first week back,

She's already kissed my best friend's husband...

No! Zack, you gotta get a grip. Bye!

Took a job at a booby bar...

I'm grateful to my employer.

And humiliated me and my beloved.

God bless ripp and carlene.

Just because we own the place.

Now how many sins is that right there? You do the math.

Amen.

Carlene? Come on, kitten.

You haven't gotten out of this bed all week.

I can't, ripp.

You know, you've never missed a day of church in your life,

And you're supposed to sing the solo during the offering.

I can't show my face or my talent

In front of all those people,

Not after amanda revealed we own boobylicious.

Proverbs 31.

"you are a virtuous woman, priceless beyond rubies."

I know,

But what about our standing in the community,

Our reputations as beacons of goodness?

There is nothing in this book that says

You can't own a booby bar.

Then let's set amanda free from her employment,

So she won't be tempted to hurt me again.

I'm not gonna fire amanda.

Now we've given a fallen woman a job.

It's the christian thing to do.

You will be missed.

Sharon, I'm just not able to come to church today.

Maybe you'd like to come over for a little prayer,

Some devotional, a sticky bun?

I can't let zack

Go to church alone with amanda unleashed.

I have to protect my marriage from her machinations.

Fine. Do what you have to do.

Carlene, honey, I tried to stop by

With some goodies to cheer you up,

But carmelita said you weren't receiving.

Bring 'em now.

Oh. No, I can't miss church.

A former cowboy is leaving dallas,

And he's looking to dump his 10,000 square foot condo.

I need to get to him

Before another real estate agent nails him at coffee hour.

Well, clearly, you have your priorities.

Maybe this is a friend.

W--car--

Cricket?

Carmelita told consuela you've barely eaten all week.

Miss carlene?

It's true. I'm wasting away.

Listen, I know you're supposed to sing

That special offertory anthem

Dedicated to amanda this morning...

I know. I just can't do it.

Well, then don't torture yourself, sweetie.

I'll sing it.

Carmelita, get in here!

Show must go on. Where are my rubies?!

Good morning, mother.

Good morning.

Mm.

Going to church?

House rules. If I live here, I have to go to church.

And... I like it.

Adorable. Gucci?

No. Armadillo mart.

Will! Laura! Breakfast!

It's the greatest store-- stylish, cheap.

Well, as fashion forward as they might be in...

Uzbekistan,

I don't want you buying clothes for my grandchildren

At a store that sells lettuce.

Good morning.

Good morning! Good morning.

Oh, look!

Armadillo mart.

Stylin', right?

hola.

Hola, lupe.

Oh. Um, eat your breakfast.

Hey, lupe. Take the day off.

Go ahead.

All I'm saying about the clothes is,

Your children now go to hillside "haute couture" high.

You certainly don't want your daughter branded

As a "javelina," now do you?

What's a javelina?

A texas wild pig--mean, ugly. You can't kill 'em fast enough.

Back when your mother was in high school,

She named the cute girls "foxes,"

And all the not-so-cute girls javelinas.

They don't still do that, do they?

Oh, yes, they do.

Perfect.

Gigi, what are you doing?

Table seating.

Since your mother abandoned me 18 years ago

And ruined my chances of being the mother of a debutante,

I'm holding a luncheon in her honor

To introduce her to society.

That's sweet.

Be a nice chance for you to network a little bit

And maybe find yourself a decent job.

Mother, stop it. My job is decent.

Why in the hell are you inviting carlene, cricket, sharon?

Mother!

Oh, carlene probably won't even come,

Especially after

How badly you embarrassed her in church last Sunday.

Ah, the look on her self-righteous face

When I told the world she owns boobylicious...

God, she's such a pharisee.

Well, someone's been reading her new testament.

Nah, I just googled "hypocrisy."

Things have been kinda quiet

Over at chateau cockburn this week.

Maybe things have blown over.

nothing ever blows over with carlene.

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

You know, it actually was awfully sweet of her

To dedicate this song to you.

"jesus, take the wheel"? Mother, my husband died in a car crash.

Go.

Oh, and there's miss chessy. You remember her?

She's the head of the museum group.

Very influential.

And frusannah and boofie are still alive. Let's say "hi."

Look who's here! (chuckles) oh!

look at you! Isn't she gorgeous?

Your mama tells me you're looking for work.

Oh, miss chessy, that's so kind, but I already have a job.

Will you ladies excuse us?

Thank you. We'll be right back.

Mother, do you remember 18 years ago

When I ran screaming out of town

Because you were trying to control me

Like a mother from some tennessee williams play?

We're not going back there again.

I, uh-- mother.

Got something on your tie.

Looks tomato-based.

Vinegar.

Cayenne?

Brown sugar.

Probably barbecue sauce.

Bleu cheese?

Chicken wings.

Clients love to go to boobylicious for lunch.

Let go of me.

Now would you like some coffee?

No.

But why don't you make a cup for amanda?

What a sweet idea, pumpkin.

Mm.

Oh, I need a change of scene.

Oh.

No, zack.

amanda, amanda... And heather.

So cute how you're amanda's friend now.

Mm.

Your solo was so beautiful, carlene!

Aw! Thank you! I know!

Oh, yes.

It was so nice of you to remind my children

That their father died in a fiery crash.

Amanda. Sweet, confused amanda. You missed the point.

The message of the song is

All about jesus being in control of our destiny.

In your case, it's just about allowing the lord

To take your wheel and twist it.

He'll steer you where you should go...