The Nanny

Oh, honey, are you gorgeous!

You look just like a virgin.

Here, I brought you some crackers for your morning sickness.

So, when are you and Danny gonna set a date already?

Oh, you know me. Always a bridal consultant, never a bride. Right, Danny?

What can I say?/Well, how 'bout, "Here's a ring. Pick a pattern."

I'm serious. We've been pre-engaged for three years already.

I'm sorry. I should have said this sooner. I wanted to do it some place nice.

Oh, wow!

All right, here goes.

I've been thinking we should start seeing other people.

What? Since when you been thinking that?

Since I saw Heather Biblow.

I can't believe you're telling me this.

What, were you stringing me along 'cause I'm your best salesgirl?

That's the other thing:

Heather needs a job.

You're firing me?

I can't believe I just wasted three years

of an ever dwindling youth on you and this dump.

You can't fire me, Danny Imperiale,

I quit!...

No, you fired me... That way I could collect unemployment.

Hello, I'm Fran Fine, your Shades of the Orient Cosmetics representative.

Oy, what a loser!

Hello, I'm Fran Fine. /Yes, come in. We've been expecting you.

Oh, you have? /You are here for the nanny position?

I could be.

Wow! This place is nicer than my Uncle Jack's condo in Boca.

And, you know, he bought the model.

May I present your resume to Mister Sheffield?

Uh, resume? You know what,

why don't you go get this Mister Sheffield and I'll do the resume presenting myself.

As you wish. This oughta be good.

We're never gonna find an actress for this part.

Ann Miller part, Gwen Verdon part,

Rube Keeler part. Away I believe.

What's she doing on this list? /Relax, darling.

You need a Chatzu...

Sorry to interrupt, sir.

I see you're working hard as always, Miss Babcock.

The theater always been a passion of mine.

Hmm... I can't wait to see what you'll be mounting next.

Yes, Niles, what is it?

Sir, there is a new nanny waiting to be interviewed.

What happened to the old one? /Brighton staged another fake suicide.

Best one yet. Spread eagle on the marble with a bit of ketchup trickling from his ears.

We've got half the money people in New York coming to our backer's party,

and I will not have those children running loose.

Not that I don't love them as if they were my very own.

Hm-hmm. /I do.

Oh, oh...

Do you have a pen?

Forget it.

Brighton, you're losing your touch.

I'm Maxwell Sheffield.

This is my son, the late Brighton Sheffield.

Wait, I know you.

Esquire Magazine, New York's ten most eligible widowers?

My condolences, by the way.

You read Esquire?

When they list the ten most eligible widowers I do.

Hi, I'm Fran Fine.

Well, do come in.

Oh, boy, do you have gorgeous chatchkas.

Uh, beg, beg your pardon?

Oh, you know, your bric-a-brac. Dust collectors.

Oh, the Rodan. Yes, well,

he was, he was well known for his bronze chachkas.

May I see your resume, please? /Oh yeah sure. Here.

Crayon? /Lipstick.

Of course. And what a lovely shade.

I hate her!

Now, Brighton, let's not be hasty.

Yeah, I haven't even sung "Climb Every Mountain" yet.

Miss Fine, you seem to have listed the Queen Mother as a reference?

What? Let me see that.

Oh no, that's not the Queen Mother.

That's my mother from Queens.

Hi, Daddy. /Oh, hello, sweetheart.

Maggie. /Hello, Father.

Oh boy, are you gorgeous.

And look at that hair.

You see, now you cannot get color like that from out of a bottle. No way.

I'll, I'll be in my room doing my homework.

Really lights up a room, doesn't she?

You don't need personality when you're an heiress.

So, sweetheart, how was therapy today, hmm?

Any, any breakthroughs?

Doctor Vern and I did some regression.

She took me back to my childhood.

Must have been a quick trip.

Oh, you have no idea how complicated I am.

Therapy, huh?

It was a lot easier than talking to us directly.

All right, that's it, Brighton. Go to your room.

All right. Come on, Gracie,

let's leave Father alone to hire someone else to take care of his problem children.

Oh, you're a bitter little person, aren't you?

Oh, we're gonna get along fine.

I'm, I'm sorry you had to see that. I'll show you out.

What did I do? One smart ass remark from the kid,

and I don't get the job? That's not fair.

As you can see, I need help here.

More help than can be provided by a door-to-door cosmetics girl.

Niles?

Oh, for god sakes, I'll get it.

Sheffield Residence.

No, honey, it's Fran.

Give, give me... Give me that.

It's the nanny agency

Maxwell Sheffield here.

Thank you.

Oh, yeah, right.

No. No, Monday is not acceptable.

Listen, I need a nanny this weekend...

Do you have any experience with children?

Are you kidding? I practically raised my sister's two kids

when she was suing her chiropodist.

There has to be another agency.

Oh, please, I come from Flushing.

There is nothing these kids can throw at me that I haven't seen before,

except maybe their trust funds.

All right, you're hired. But on a trial basis.

Oh, thank you, Mister Sheffield.

Thank you so much. You won't regret it.

Somehow, I'm rather sure I will.

Niles will show you to your room.

Oh, the nanny gets to live here? /Is that a problem?

Oh yeah, I'm sure I'm gonna miss being twenty-nine and still living at home with my parents.

But if it's best for the kids...

Twenty-nine. /Don't start with me, Niles.

Good morning, everyone.

Oh, that Jacuzzi tub really knows how to perk a girl up in the morning.

Do you people sleep like that?

No. In a rather astounding coincident,

I sleep in a pair of pink fuzzy slippers, just like yours.

A simple "we dress for breakfast" would suffice.

You have to tell me these things, Niles./I simply assumed.

Don't assume anything with me. I'm from Flushing, for god sakes.

Oh, I just love a good buffet.

It's free, Miss Fine. You're allowed to go back.

Oh...

Oh, where do I sit?

The previous nanny sat in the kitchen.

Oh, how anti-social.

So, kids, what shall we do today?

Shall we take a walk in the park or maybe just kick back, hang around the mansion?

We have to go somewhere. Father has kicked us out again.

Now, Brighton, I didn't kick you out.

I merely asked that you not torment the caterers while they're preparing for this evening's soiree.

Oh, a soiree, huh?

Well, I got a sister who's a caterer.

She does a pork au depurno, that's French for pork and prune,

not only delicious, but a natural digestive.

Thank you for sharing that, Miss Fine.

I could get you a deal.

No, that's all right. C.C.'s made all the arrangements.

C.C.? What's a C.C.?

Father's lady friend.

Maggie dear, she's a business associate.

Hm-hmm.

Well, I just hope there's enough food.

You know, shikzas are notorious for not ordering enough food.

Booze, yes, but food they don't know from.

Shikza... Is that a chatchka?

Yes, but they cost a lot more.

It's Miss Babcock for you, sir. /Oh, thank you, Niles.

I'll take her in the library.

Hmm... Miss Babcock loves to be taken in the library.

I'll bet.

So, kids, we're having a party. What are we gonna wear?

We're not invited. /And neither are you.

Oh come on, your father's paying for it, of course we're invited.

We'll eat, we'll drink, you'll bring a date.

Maggie doesn't date.

Never?/Boys haven't noticed me yet.

Oh, they've noticed Maggie, and that's why you don't date.

What is wrong with you, Brighton?

Middle child syndrome. / Thank you, Sybil!

Now knock it off!

Knock it off, all of you. We're a family here.

Now we have a party tonight, there's a lot we have to do.

We'll go shopping, get our hair done, get a manicure.

You'll get a French tip. It's a very clean look.

So I'll go get changed, and then we'll go, we'll do.

I'll just take this. I hate to waste.

Dad is gonna hate this.

C.C.'s going to totally freak.

Sounds like a party to me.

So, well, what's your favorite color?

I don't know.

Beige?

Oy.

So, Gracie, how are you doing, honey?

I'm feeling empty and alone.

You want a tic-tac?/Okay.

All right.

So tell me about your new job already. Who's the guy? Where's the house?

I brought pictures. Wait.