Mortuary

There'll be right in the house?

All the way down in the basement.

You'll never see them.

But you will?

Yep, when I go to work.

Are they scary?

No, honey, not at all.

26-hour car ride just flew by.

It speaks!

That's got to be some kind of record for you.

Six hours?

Look, it was an opportunity.

I had to take it.

It's the reason I went back to school.

It's a new career for me and a new start for us.

You made it!

Yeah.

Wow.

Phew!

You made it.

Finally.

Elliott, good to see you.

Good to see you.

Good.

I'm sorry we're late.

We got stuck on the interstate.

Oh, no apology necessary.

You're here.

Oh, this is my son, Jonathan.

Elliott Cook.

And my daughter, Jamie.

Hi, Jamie!

Well, come on.

Be careful.

The septic tank overflowed.

You know, we've had more rain this season

than we've had in half a century.

There might be just an itty bitty

bit of mold in the house now.

No problem.

Now, you've got a lease with an option to buy.

So technically the maintenance is up to you.

But I'd get this septic tank pumped out as soon as possible.

This thing probably hadn't been emptied in 50 years.

Mm.

Do all the drains go there?

Even the mortuary facilities?

Yes.

I don't even want to think about what's jammed down there.

OK.

You know what?

I've got a friend that can do it.

He's expensive, but worth it.

Here's his number.

Just give him a call.

Wow.

OK, guys.

This is uh-- this is cool.

This is going to be cool.

I'm going to put in a-- put in a lawn.

And we can play croquet.

Looks like we need some stairs here.

Here we are.

The moving van came yesterday.

Everything's unloaded.

Great job labeling those boxes, Leslie.

This is where they took Daddy?

Oh no, honey. Come here.

Come here.

Come on.

Had a lot of plumbing work

and wiring, electrical work.

And let's take a look at the kitchen in here.

Follow me.

Come on, honey.

Let's go.

Let's go this way.

Come on.

Come on in.

Come on in, kids.

Oh my.

This is disgusting.

Mom--

Well, it's nothing a little elbow

grease can't take care of.

You know, it's not as bad as it looks.

A little paint and a little scrubbing here and there.

And it will be good as new.

Oh my god.

We're supposed to eat here?

I thought you said this was

going to be cleaned up, that you had

some sort of prison work group.

Yeah.

We were supposed to get these prisoners.

But they wouldn't let us expose them

to the chemicals that are here.

Can you believe that?

Oh my god.

Prisoners exposed to chemicals.

It's silly, isn't it?

But it's-- you know--not as bad as it looks.

Daddy.

Honey, you OK?

Are you OK?

Oh, goodness.

Oh no.

Did that mean old coffin jump down there and scare you?

Oh.

Well, that's a good lesson for you.

Just remember, curiosity kills the cat.

We got to stay out of here, sweetie.

OK?

You're OK.

She's all right.

Here, here's a stick of gum.

Just chew on that.

Go ahead, take it.

You know, they opened up another nursing home

since you were here last.

A county home.

Cha ching.

Really?

Oh yeah.

Not to mention, we've got the most dangerous

highway in the state out there.

Believe me, you'll have lots of business.

Well, I'll only be to process at first.

That's all it needs.

Just processing.

Oh gosh.

Jonathan?

Jesus.

I'm sorry.

Why are you guys standing in the dark?

Can I have this room?

Sure.

Why is is like a jail?

You mean the bars on the windows?

I don't know.

How are you gonna make this work?

Hm?

I mean, seriously.

Oh Come on.

When have I ever let you down before?

For starters, how about the time you moved me

across the country in the middle of my school year,

decide you suddenly had some calling?

You just wait till I get this place going.

Thought about renaming it yet?

You know, like, death for less, something snappy like that?

Watch it, or you'll be out of my will.

Discount Death Mart.

Ha, ha, ha.

Has a nice ring.

Funny.

Hi.

Needs a lot of work, doesn't it?

Can I get the keys, please?

Where are you going?

Why would you bring her down here?

She's just helping me.

Yeah.

Besides, Mom said it was OK if there weren't any dead people.

Oh, did she?

Yeah.

Got a lot of salt.

It's rock salt. They use it to make ice cream.

Somebody must have really loved it here.

Can I have some?

Mm hm.

Mm.

What flavor?

- How about chocolate? - You know what?

I'm going to go get a burger or something.

So can I get the keys from you?

Yeah, sure.

Thank you.

Thanks.

Did you guys want anything, or--

Uh, actually, yes.

Can you get some bottled water and milk?

And Jonathan, I really appreciate what you're doing.

Ouch!

Damn it!

No, I don't know.

Who's that?

Oh.

Kitchen's closed, dearie.

What you looking for?

Just anything that looks like dinner.

Well, I'll tell you what.