If That Mockingbird Don’t Sing

I have sand in my ass crack.

Maybe we should've gone to Joe's after-party.

It was nice just us.

I don't know.

Maybe if we got more drinks or something.

I guess. Are you free today?

Nah.

I gotta get a workout in and I have some homework to catch up on.

Homework? We graduate in like less than a week.

I gotta submit these late Spanish assignments to raise my grade.

What is it now?

55.

Yeah, you got to work on that.

I know.

How are you the one going to college?

It's not like you're class president or anything.

- Deja de ser tan - Fuck you.

Aren't you going to miss me?

Yeah.

Yeah?

I mean, I'm gonna be like, focused on school and shit next year,

like, get good grades.

Aren't you going to a party school?

That's what the weekend's for.

You won't visit me?

Not every weekend.

-Well, isn't there a no visitors policy at the dorms? -Yeah.

So I can't come see you?

I guess.

And you won't come back to see me?

High school relationships aren't everything.

Huh?

I mean, like, when I go to college I wanna have a good time!

I thought you said you wanted to focus on grades.

I want to make new friends! Do new things!

-What does that have to do with high school dating? -We have to do this right now?

-Do what now? -I want to fuck other people in college.

Are you being serious?

You know it's not going to work long distance.

Besides, you wouldn't want to come visit even if you could.

-You hate parties. -I party.

You made us come to the beach at 1 a.m. instead of the after prom with everyone else.

-It was a full moon, Lucas! -Who cares?

We had beer!

- You had like one. -So?

You wouldn't like college parties.

I could just bring a book. It would be fine.

-No, that's what I mean. -What's wrong with it?

You leave the room any time people are smoking, you barely drink half a beer.

You never talk to anyone.

When we're out you always end up in the corner.

I don't wanna deal with that shit next year.

So what are you saying?

-We have till August. Can we just talk about it then? -No!

I don't wanna be with somebody who feels like they have to "deal with my shit."

It's cute sometimes, but let's be honest you're very needy.

I am not needy!

I don't wanna do this. It's not even 9.

- You want to break up but not argue? - I don't want to break up now.

Okay, well, I don't want to be in a relationship with an expiration date.

-Sydnie, we have the whole summer. -No, we don't.

Oh my God.

Do you guys remember the time that he flushed all those condoms down the toilet?

What the fuck! Can you believe I ever dated that guy? Thanks.

I kept telling him, "Lucas, you can't flush the condoms

down the toilet."

But he did it anyway. Fucking idiot.

Honey,

we cannot relive this story again.

Okay?

Okay.

Please!

No, I'm not dyeing your hair red. You're not like me.

You can't just pull off any color.

These are my chips.

My chips.

Fuck you, Lucas!

Fuck you.

Fuck you, Lucas.

Fuck you!

Do you want to do molly with me?

What! No?

This is my shit.

-So I'm going -

Oh, fuck.

You happy now?

-Don't do that. -You happy, Dad?

Well, you're kind of being a bummer right now, and I'm super over it.

I'm going through a breakup, Iris.

Okay well, if you wanna stop being a sad troll

I have molly, and I'll let you do it with me.

No, thanks.

Somewhere deep in the Atlantic Ocean.

There's a sea turtle with a single condom wrapped around one of its flippers.

Lucas likes doing molly.

Dad?

What the fuck!

Hey, it's Lucas. Leave a message.

And if this is Sydnie, please stop calling me.

-Hello? -Have a seat, sweetie.

-Did someone die? -Yes.

-Yeah. - What? My God, who? Is it Grandma?

No, nobody died.

We have become very concerned about your behavior.

You're being a buzzkill.

Yes, you have indeed killed the buzz.

We're starting to become worried.

And it's depressing us.

I had to call my therapist, and my psychic.

When we said you could take a gap year,

we thought you could get a job or travel or do something, anything.

With everything that I'm going through?

Oh, please.

He's a moron.

You think I cried over my three failed engagement?

No, I did not.

I got right back up on that stage

and I let it fuel me, gave me strength.

I personally have never been broken up with.

But if I were you, I'd make an effort to look less pathetic.

Shut up, Iris.

You're 23 and you live in the basement.

What they're trying to say is that maybe it's time to move on.

Focus on yourself more. Not on that boy, that fool.

This kid is a simp.

He's a sus, super sus simp.

And it's almost September!

Honey, please let me book you into a silent retreat or a hot yoga thing.

Or your tits have been looking bigger.

Have you thought about onlyfans or porn or prostitution?

Or start drinking heavily? You know? Do something!

-Find some direction! -

I cannot believe you guys. I am suffering right now!

Oh, I do think that went well.

-Same. -Yeah.

-Same. -Are we being sarcastic now?

-Yeah. No, I think it went really well. -Yeah.

Up high, down low.

Hey, guys.

Welcome back to Sexy Saturday's with Sydnie.

I just got a new bra. Do you wanna see?

Yeah.

Like and subscribe.

I just got a pedicure

and my feet, they look really good

and also smell really good.

Do you want to sniff?

Fuck!

Okay.

Jesus.

Are you okay?

She asked me to dye her hair red.

-Really? -You didn't.

Of course not, are you kidding?

I don't think that suits her coloring.

No, her skin tone? No.

I just wanted to let you guys know that I got a job delivering mobile orders,

so I have direction now.

You're welcome.

That's great news.

It's fucking lame.

It is pretty lame.

Wait a second, let's just try to be supportive because,

because she takes it out on me if we aren't.

Oh, that's fair. She does.

-I saw her hit him. -Who cares?

Here's your order.

Where's my fortune cookie?

Oh, I don't know. I'm sorry. They just hand me the bags.

They always send a fortune cookie.

-Did you steal it? -No.

No, I didn't steal your fortune cookie.

I'll have to report you for this.

It's not my fault they forgot your cookie.

This is unacceptable. I always get a fortune cookie.

Now I'm going to have to check all my food

to see if anything else has been stolen, by you, or contaminated.

Okay, listen, man, I have some other orders I have to get to.

Just as I suspected

- -Contaminated.

Actually do mind closing that? The smell is really

making me

What the hell is wrong with you?

Are you crazy? These are my slippers.

These are my slippers. You made a mess!

What are you, nuts? I'm going to call the cops on you.

Lady, you've got to pay for this.

I want a refund for my food.

I'll call the cops on you! Don't go anywhere!