black-ish

Dre: Growing up, we didn't have many choices.

If you were bored, you went outside and played

with water guns or balls.

If you were hungry, it was Mickey D's

or, in my case, McRuby.

And it wasn't just food and toys.

It was our choices of what we could actually be in life.

See, limited choices

limited what we could imagine for ourselves

and, thusly, what we would become.

But nowadays, things are different.

Children have tons of choices about everything...

Water guns,

burgers,

even role models.

And each choice they make is an opportunity

to help them form their identity...

Tell the world who they are.

But what happens when the world makes a choice for them

that goes directly against that identity?

Diane: Thank you, Janine.

Rainbow: Yes, thank you, Janine!

This white doll is beautiful!

Do you still have the receipt?

The receipt?

Why? Why? Is there... Is there something wrong?

This is a GirlStory doll.

- Yeah. - It's celebrating women throughout history.

- Yeah. - This one is Winnie the Wartime Doctor.

Oh, yeah. She's like you, Bow, except a real doctor.

Okay, um, Janine, I'm a real doctor.

Dre: Mm-hmm. And that is a doll.

You're a doll!

It's... It's... It's a lovely doll.

But, you know, we're just dealing

- with numbers here, Janine. - Uh-huh.

We have enough white dolls.

You know, the black/white ratio is just...

- Just a little off. - Yeah.

You have a black/white ratio for dolls?

With everything, Janine.

- Literally with everything. - Yeah.

You know, I'm constantly aware

of how many black people are in a restaurant,

how many black characters are in a movie...

Yeah... and it also affects the way that we buy cereal.

Nobody really eats the Count Chocula, but...

Yeah, but I still buy it.

Yeah.

I-Is Count Chocula even black?

Janine, his last name is Chocula.

I gathered you kids here to announce that, sadly,

my Spades partner, Earnest Woodbine,

- passed on today. Oh. - Diane: Aw.

And now I need a new partner.

Didn't you say he died today?

Don't you judge the way I mourn, little boy.

Winning was very important to Earnest and me.

Why don't you just partner with somebody

that's already in your Spades group?

For some reason, they're put off by me.

This is my house

Haters, all of 'em.

But that just means that now there's an opportunity

for one of you to become my new partner.

"Opportunity" feels strong.

Diane, you're out.

You're smart and mean,

but your mole-like vision concerns me.

- Well, okay. - Yeah.

Jack, you're out.

You know why.

Yeah, I do.

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

- Zoey... - I don't care.

Sure, you don't. Mm-hmm.

And... Junior!

I know. My ears are too big, and I tend to ramble,

and people think my mustache is dirt.

Unh-unh-unh. See, it is that laser beam of self-reflection

that makes you the perfect partner.

You are the key to me beating Doris.

Who's Doris?

She's the Cobra Kai to my Daniel-san.

And I swear on Earnest's clogged-up dead heart

that that witch will not take our title!

Hey, hey! Where y'all going?

Unh-unh. You losers are our new practice partners.

Get in here!

Good news, guys!

The Boxable people loved your pitch.

Yes. I knew they would, 'cause it's so simple.

"Boxable... Come on."

Not yours, Josh.

They hated it, and they hated you.

They said you reeked of desperation.

Aw. Boxable? Come on.

But, Dre, yours was a slam dunk.

The artwork was beautiful, casting was perfect,

but it was your tag line that gave us the chills.

"Boxable... The gold standard in shipping."

Good call on the gold, Dre.

Pewter was not the way to go.

Every day I learn from you.

Man, no time for modesty, all right?

- I killed it. - So good.

You're off probation, Dre.

I've been on probation?

Only since I hired you.

If we have to return Winnie, why don't we get something

that I actually want, like a sword or a bear trap?

Or a doll that you can relate to.

- Hello. - Hi.

We'd like to make an exchange.

Oh. Ooh, Winnie.

Well, that's a surprise!

She's our best-selling GirlStory doll.

She invented the tourniquet.

- Oh, wow! - But you know what? No worries.

We have tons of other dolls for you to choose from.

Like right here, we have Cassandra.

She's a pioneer woman.

Uh, we're actually looking for a doll

that's, um, you know, err, like...

- Has hands? - N... Oh.

Oh, all our dolls have hands.

Well, mm, except for a few

of our differently abled dolls.

Uh-huh. Oh, look at that.

Oh, and this is Polio Patty... love her.

Got to be careful when you move her, but...

Okay, well, we could dance around this forever,

uh... Patrice.

Oh, it's pronounced "Pat-riss."

- "Pat-riss." - "Rhymes with mattress?

- Oh. - G... Oh, that's... Okay.

Um...

where are your black dolls?

Okay, why didn't you just say so?

Well, kind of thought I'd just see 'em.

I got you, girl!

Okay. Come on, ladies. Follow me.

We're taking a hike.

Oh. Oh, so they're, like...

separate area.

Ladies, allow me to introduce you to Sassy Sadie

and equally Sassy Selma.

Uh-huh, okay.

So, let's see here.

Sassy Sadie... "Little Sadie Crawford"

left home with nothing but the clothes on her back

"and a desire to be free."

- So, she's a slave? - Not anymore.

She escaped and eventually learned to read... sort of.

So, she's a runaway slave.

Who can read.

Okay, so

you have dozens of disabled...

Ooh, differently abled.

Fine, differently-abled, and hundreds

of amazingly successful white dolls,

but only two black dolls.

- African-American. - Uh-huh.

Let's see what the other one is, shall we?

Mm. Selma... the Civil Rights leader

who marched on Selma.

And that doesn't feel lazy to you?

Well, she's also a mother of 11.

11, seriously?

So, you think we just keep having kids,

just kids on kids on kids?

Easy, Mom. You're on your fifth.

Okay, well, these are basically the same doll,

just wearing different clothes!

Oh, that's not true.

Yet they both have lanterns!

But for different reasons.

Oh, come on.

This is unbelievable!

You know what sounds unbelievable right now?

A nice cold Orange Julius.

Okay, no, I'm not done. I'm not done, sweetheart.

I am just a little girl,

and it would be embarrassing for both of us

if I had to drag you out.

Well, let me tell you I have not even begun to be embarrassing.

In the words of the great Maya Ang...

Hey! Oh, you are strong! I will be back! Ow!

Hey. How was your day?

I, um...

went a little bit crazy at GirlStory.

She recited Maya Angelou's "Phenomenal Woman"

all the way out to Sunglass Hut.

- In her Maya Angelou voice? - You know it.

That store only has two black dolls... two.

And they're not doctors.

One's a slave, and one's a Selma.

Selma! I'm outraged!

You know, you look so cute when you're outraged.

Oh, come on.