The Cleveland Show

== sync, corrected by elderman ==

The Cleveland Show 3x01 BFFs Original Air Date on September 25, 2011

Hey, fellas.

Mind signing this get-well card?

Sure. Who's it for?

It's for me. You were sick?

Wha...? Yes, I was sick.

I had a temperature of 99.4.

The doctor said, if I had been born in the 1800s,

it could have been fatal.

Where do you think I've been all week?

I don't know. Mustache camp?

That's in June. You know that.

Oh, sorry, Cleveland.

We... we were just so, uh, busy

with, uh, Peter Griffin being in town, you know.

Animation Domination's Peter Griffin was here?!

Yep. Said when he came down here for the Beer Walk last year,

he left his daughter, so Gus had to give her back.

She'd been in the lost and found box for over a week,

so I figured I could have her.

Peter didn't call you?

No. Did he ask about me?

Well, he-he spoke generally about black people.

You know, maybe we should just leave it at that.

How queer.

Peter's my best friend.

Why would he not call me?

He-he probably just didn't have the time.

He was only here for four days.

Well, if you'll excuse me, I'll be in my sad sack.

Ow.

Rorta, you got something from Unilab!

Give me that!

Whoo-hoo!

Rallo, you got a letter.

Does it say "Rallo Tubbs" or "Resident?"

'Cause that bit's getting pretty tired.

It's from Ms. Gregg, your old day care teacher.

Cyndi's writing me?

Probably asking for more money.

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

I can't read.

"Dear Rallo, you are cordially invited

"to attend the two-year reunion

of your day care graduation."

Reunion already?

Dang, I thought I'd be a fireman by now.

Maybe I'll just lie and say I am.

I know I got a hat around here someplace.

"Please RSVP with your meal preference

of beef, chicken or pasketti."

Ooh, Rallo, looks like you're getting a bath.

Thank God.

I've asked you four times this week.

I'm itchy, Mama.

Call Peter. Mobile.

Hands free. Safer.

FEMALE VOICE Please enjoy the music

while your party is reached.

Okay.

We're sorry.

Dick Poop...

Is not available.

Please leave a message after the tone.

'Sup?

Cleve again.

I was just calling to see if you got my other messages

or e-mails or tweets or pokes.

So, uh, you know, just call, e-mail,

tweet or poke me when you get a chance.

Peace!

Donna, I just don't understand.

Why didn't Peter call when he was in town?

He and I were BFFs.

Black and fat friends?

Yep. We even got these tattoos.

I'm sorry, baby.

But Stoolbend is your home now,

and you've got great friends here.

More than me.

I've lived here my whole life,

and I don't have any friends.

Seriously.

Name one friend of mine. I can't.

While you're at it, name one friend

of Marge Simpson's. Can't do it.

Or Lois Griffin's. Nope.

Francine Smith? Who?

See? So you should be happy

with the friends you've got now

and not worry about those guys back in Rhode Island.

You're right, Donna.

But I'm not taking advice from a woman with no friends.

Peter Griffin is my best friend,

and I'm going to get him back.

Rallo!

'Sup, fellas?

Aw, who let this paste-eating S.O.B. in here?

What you been up to, man?

Oh, Byron's been very busy.

Tell Rallo what you learned today.

Uno, due, tre, quattro, cinque...

Ha! That's awesome.

Blooba, gooba, chunka, flunka, Willy Wonka,

chocolate bar!

No, Rallo.

Byron's speaking Italian.

You know the best time to learn a language

is when you're young.

I am learning a language.

It's called English.

And it's dibbicult.

So, you've all got your kids in language classes?

And sculpting.

Central American folk dance.

Eco-awareness.

Eco-American folk sculpting.

I don't even own a TV.

Well, I was thinking of signing Rallo up for T-ball,

but I... missed the deadline.

Well, then, I guess we won't

be seeing him at Junior Quiz Bowl.

What's Junior Quiz Bowl?

It's a friendly competition

among five- to seven-year-old children

that proves which mothers are the best.

Oh, Rallo would be great at Quiz Bowl.

He's very gifted.

Mama, check it out!

This bean dip looks like diarrhea!

Hey, get back. Get back!

Go to your crate! Brian, go to your crate!

I don't have a crate. I've never had a crate.

You should. You'd feel safe there.

Who is it, Stewie?

Some black guy.

Oh. we don't want any candy bars.

Or magazines.

Brian, it's Cleveland.

Oh. Hi, Cleveland.

Has he been canceled already?

He doesn't just get to come back.

Is Peter home?

He... is...

It's Cleveland.

Not.

Did he say when he'd be back?

No... uh, vember.

Peter!

Come on, come on!

Peter, it's Cleveland.

Hello!

Peter, I'm standing right here!

Oh, hey, Cleveland.

Yeah, I... I didn't see you there.

How's, uh... how's Loretta?

You killed her.

Right, right, right.

Business good?

How's the, uh...

magic shop?

Cable installing.

Fine. Thank you for asking.

Peter, why didn't you call me

when you were in town last week?

Yeah, uh, my phone died... of AIDS.

AIDS is no longer a death sentence.

Look, I'm sorry.

I-I would have called, but I didn't want to.

You moved away, and I moved on, and so should you.

But I thought we were friends.

We were neighbors and drinking buddies.

We weren't friends.

Wha...? Not friends?

Bye.

Geez, buddy, let it go.

Have some dignity.

Sorry about what happened with Peter, Cleveland,

but, uh, I can't say I'm surprised.

I only spent a few days with the guy, and he...

you know, he's funny and all, but, man,

what a... what a B-hole.

Agreed. He's a close sitter.

Lot of leg on leg.

Also does not care for the Jews.

But then he bought it all back by farting on a pizza.

That's not even a topping.

Very clever. Very clever.