Gap Year

Dylan! Lauren?

What? She's here? Is that why we're here?

Give it up! You've gone mad!

This is May and this is Ashley.

Ashley. There's a lot riding on this for me, you know.

It's like a big homecoming trip, so...

I thought you were brother and sister.

What? You just look similar.

You should totally come to May's cousin's wedding!

Dylan! I've just seen Lauren.

You're still stalking that bellend.

Where are you? I don't know where I am, I just ran.

Shit!

Sean!

I think it was back that way, mate.

Police? Yes, hi.

I need to report a missing persons.

Person.

It's my friend Sean.

He... There was a fracas and he ran off...

Yes, he's an adult. He's 20.

Oh, I should also mention that I'm in China, at the moment.

Yes, this is all happening in China.

Well, I just thought the UK police

could sort of cover stuff here. It's...

No? OK.

Do you have the number for China?

For the police in China!

OK, bye.

What's going on? Where are we?

Come on. You worry too much.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

We are going to have lots of fun!

What? What is this place?

Say hi. Hi.

Alcohol! You sing!

What? Drake! Drake!

Hotline Bling. Hotline Bling.

Oh, Drake!

Yeah! You want me to sing? Come on, sing.

Can I use the toilet, quick?

What, toilet? Toilet, real quick, yeah.

OK. That side. Yeah?

Come back real soon. Come back. Yeah.

Drake!

Ah! Ah!

Hey!

I'm in love

My fingers keep on clicking to the beating of my heart

Hey!

It's cos of you

The world is in a crazy hazy hue

My heart is beating like a jungle drum

Badda-dunka-dunka, dun-dun-dun-dun

My heart is beating like a jungle drum

Raka-tukka-tukko, katukka-rukka-tung-tung...

Please, just wait five more minutes.

We can't. I'm sorry, but we're not going to miss our train.

He's probably already got a bus to Beijers, dildo.

Yeah, come on, let's go. Wait. We can't just leave him here.

Sean might, you know...

die.

What?! He's not going to die, OK?

Bottom line, I'm not going to miss my cousin's wedding

because a British guy I hardly know

has gone missing at a music festival

in a not especially remote area in the summer.

I mean, if you are that worried about him, I don't know...

Don't come. What?

No! I can't afford to do stuff on my own.

OK, great. Glad to know you care.

And I want to come, to support you.

Hope you find him.

Well, see you around, brother.

Don't go changing.

Wait! Wait!

And even if he hasn't gone back to Beijing,

I can always go to the embassy

and tell them to deploy the search chopper.

You won't need the embassy.

He's going to be fine. I worry about him, you know.

He's not good on his own.

He once went on a geography field strip

and got attacked by a swan. Shit.

Did it break his arm? Well, I just intervened.

Pacified it?

Sean! Oh, thank God, man.

Are you OK? Sort of.

I got picked up by these guys.

I thought they were going to kill me or take out my liver or something.

Why, was it an organ trafficking thing?!

No, no, it's more like... karaoke.

Mate, I am so sorry, Sean.

I'm just riven with guilt about this.

What? Riven.

What does that mean? No, no, no, it's just means full.

So, where are you now? I don't know, you know.

I don't think we're too far from where we were.

Mate, we need to turn around.

He's not in Beijing. He's somewhere near here.

What? No! Just tell him to meet you in Beijing.

What? You're going to Beijing?

Yeah, I'm in the van. What, seriously?

You abandoned me? No, I want to come and get you,

but May's worried about missing her train to the wedding.

Oh, yeah, great!

Just tell him to meet us at the wedding.

No, no, no, he can't do that.

Oh, yes, he can. Give me the...

No, no!

Hey, Sean, Hi!

It's Ashley. Hey!

Hey, Ashley. What happened last night?

You must have been shitting yourself.

No, I was never worried. Oh, OK.

So, are you coming to Hangzhou, or what?

Sorry? Hangzhou...

it's where the wedding is. It's super easy from Beijing...

you just take one bullet train the whole way.

Hangzhou. Hangzhou, it's the stop right before Shanghai.

OK. Well, I'm not really sure if I can just, you know, jump on a train.

I know you can do it.

Yeah? And you can be my dance partner!

OK. Oh, God, Sean, you are the best!

OK, we'll see you there. OK? No, give it back...

He can't come to the wedding! No, no, Sean, Sean.

Hi, it's me again. I'm really sorry, mate,

I really don't think you should come to Hangzhou

Why not? Because, no offence, mate, I just don't think you can.

Stop telling the others I can't do things, Dyl, yeah?

I've got a charger, I'm eating a doughnut,

and, no, I don't need you to come and rescue me.

It's China, not Iraq,

and you're not fucking Popeye. Yeah, but what about the Swan?

What swan? The swan from the geography field strip!

This is what I want to do, OK?

You said you were all about me. I am, it's just...

I've just sworn off love, Sean,

I don't massively want to go to a wedding.

Yeah, well, I do, so that's what we're doing. OK, fine.

See you there. Yeah, you will.

Well, I hope you're happy.

I am. Because now Sean is about to get on a train on his own.

Oh, calm down, dildo.

He'll be fine. He's not a baby.

No, you see, it really isn't the more the merrier.

We're going to a wedding, not building a barn,

and I've had to work on my mom for ages to come to this, OK?

So I'm not going to jeopardise it by bringing extra men

who aren't invited. Not a problem. We'll just crash it.

Lock up your bridesmaids, the British are coming.

Wow. OK, that's a veto right there.

I'm exercising the Chinese right to veto.

Oh, come on! Fine, didn't want to come anyway.

Sorry, Greg. No, no wozzas.

I'll probably be too busy prepping for my big Shanghai meeting.

Yi zhang. Yi zhang. Yi zhang piao zhi Hangzhou. Zhi Hangzhou.

I'm going to get this ticket.

Excuse me. Do you speak English?

Hi, yeah, yeah, I'm English.

OK, great, do you have a penknife?

He's gotten his phone stuck on a selfie stick.

Oh, no, I've got a pen though.

No, that won't do, but thanks anyway.

I'm Kendra, this is Eugene.

Hey, I'm Sean. Kendra, come on, let's go.

Wait a bit. Where are you heading off to?

Hangzhou?

Oh, yeah.

Do you know where I can get a ticket or something?

Hangzhou is supposed to be lovely this time of year.

Over there. Yeah? We are going a different way, so...

We are going to Hubei province ... the tea plantation. Oh.

He likes tea, if you can believe that, Sean.

Oh, wow, really?

I've actually got some Pu-ehr tea that's over 80 years old.

Oh, Jesus, Eugene. He doesn't want to hear about

your very old fucking tea.

Will you stop always going on about it? I didn't! It just came up.

It came up. Yeah. Yeah, because you brought it up.

Oh, you're a nasty little pasty today, aren't you?

Nasty? Travelling the world with you...

Yi zhang Hangzhou.

Yi zhang. Yi zhang Hangzhou. Yi zhang. Yi zhang Hangzhou.

What are you doing?

Oh, these are the poems that I wrote for Lauren.

I just want to throw them out of the window...

because I hate them and I hate who I was back then.

Back when? Do you mean yesterday?

You can't open the windows on a bullet train...

it's too fast. It's not a ferry, mate.

You'll get sucked out. Bloody Nanny state bullshit.

La la la

La la la...

Your singing is horrible.

Oh, yeah, sure.

Oh, OK.

Thank you! Bye.

Hi, Mom.

Yes, I'm checking in right now.