Gossip Girl

Rise and shine, followers!

Gossip Girl here.

Beginning another day checking your balances

and holding your feet to the fire.

Who were you before you met me?

I bet you can't even remember. And that's how it should be.

Because you don't exist without me.

I'm your mirror.

And a mirror can't reflect what it doesn't see.

But maybe you're right to stay away.

Because something tells me

you're not going to like what I might show you today.

Or maybe you'll just continue to see

what you want to see.

Because no matter how often I show you your truth,

you seem to still go on believing the lie.

I took the liberty of adding

an extra shot for the girl who was up all night.

I would ask why, but I know

the many answers to that question.

At least with Z, I know what I did.

But with Aki's dad's warning about me, no idea.

Partying with Miley during her questionable Bangerz phase.

I confused Jin and J-Hope at the AMAs.

I know there's no video of me saying,

"Don't you know who I am" to security at the château.

I checked.

Maybe chamomile tea would be best?

It's like, what if it's not something specific?

What if it's just about me in general?

Like a ten-page exposé about how I'm a terrible person,

and I don't even know it.

That's not possible, sweetheart.

After what I did to my sister with her boyfriend?

With your ex-boyfriend, which makes it more complicated.

And you know it wasn't good, which doesn't make you bad.

And knowing Roger's "newspapers,"

I'm sure it's just some dated conservative hate piece

on the dangers of influencers on today's young minds,

and nothing else.

I just don't wanna be the next Lea Michele or Ellen,

blindsided by something I don't even remember.

I can assure you they weren't blindsided.

We know who we are inside.

There's nothing out there that we don't already know,

because we don't treat people badly,

and we own up to our own mistakes.

Sorry if my paranoia kept you up.

I was up anyway,

arranging the set for tonight's concert.

Oh, you could do that in your sleep.

It's the 20th anniversary for the label.

You know, it's kind of a big deal that they asked me,

especially considering that when I left,

it wasn't on the greatest of terms.

You couldn't say no to Pink.

Oh, by the way, there will be passes

for you and the crew. And Lola's coming.

Do you mean your fiancée? I should hope so. (SCOFFS)

I should have told you. I've been worried it's too soon.

More like "about time."

Dad, you've been single for most of my life.

I need to know that when I leave here

in a year and a half, you're not gonna be alone.

-I've always put you first. I know.

And I love you for that, but you deserve happiness too.

You're gonna do great, Dad. You have nothing to worry about.

Neither do you.

How about a small piece of good news?

Hmm, a portal opened up to another world

and sucked everyone I know into it, leaving us here alone?

Even better.

Instead of having to scramble for a new place to live,

what would you say if I told you next month you'll be waking up

in a Greenwich Village brownstone?

Dad, I'm still relatively new here,

but I know even after COVID, we can't afford the Village.

We don't have to.

A friend is letting us sublet. Two bedrooms, too,

though we'll have to share a bath.

A friend? What friend do you know

that has an apartment in the Vill...

No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No fucking way.

-We don't use that word. -Yeah, you're right, we don't.

Not about him. He's not our friend.

Davis is being generous,

and we could both stand to be more open-minded.

Let's open our minds

to the psychological implications

that come with-- with accepting charity from two people

who've been nothing but awful to us.

They're trying to help us. That's not awful.

-It's what family does. -Family doesn't keep you

from seeing your dying wife and unborn child, okay?

Family doesn't get you evicted or-- or steal your boyfriend.

If I could get past the terrible things

that Davis has done to me--

You didn't speak to each other for 15 years, okay?

So how about I reevaluate my relationship with Julien

when I'm 30?

Good morning, sunsh-- Who is that for?

-Are you and Obie finally back-- -No.

Because everyone thinks that I'm a bad person,

I am trying to make amends.

Maybe with, like, Diet Prada, but with her?

Oh, my God, Julien. She tried to delegitimize you.

She actively worked against you.

Only because I let her down.

Honey, you can't let down assistants.

They're already as low as they can go.

Well, think of it as spin, then.

Because if something really bad is about to come out about me,

I need to show everyone just how good I can be.

So the best way to do that is be a bigger person, right?

-Right? -Okay. Oh, my God.

No thank you. I'm off salmon.

Luna says you have an apology prepared?

Not an apology,

but an explanation for my behavior.

This isn't couple's counseling.

You're either sorry that you gave up on yourself

by handing over all of your power

to Buffalo Exchange,

or you're ready to take back what's rightfully yours

by twisting the knife that you already plunged in her back,

ending her once and for all.

I miss you, bitch.

-Hmm. That's it? -That's it.

I'll think about it.

Find anything out?

Nothing. Your feed's so clean,

you make Greta Thunberg look like Jeffrey Toobin.

Whatever is coming, it is just gossip.

Lies made up to sell to papers.

Aki should just ask his dad outright.

I feel weird about asking him

because things aren't great with him and his dad.

Well, he'll do it for you, JC. You just have to ask.

Second stop on the apology tour?

Looks like that performance has been postponed indefinitely.

-Search my name on Reddit. -Only if you promise

to wash my eyes out with hand sani after.

-(KISSES) -(KISSES) I love you.

Hi, baby. (SMOOCHES)

-Where's mine? -You've had enough.

Oh, that's why you left me on read this weekend.

You've had your fill of being filled.

I wasn't talking about you, although I wish I was.

I don't think school is the best place

for this conversation.

No need to continue.

I'm all good, mes amis.

You know, I'm glad that I could have been

the antibiotic that you needed to get you guys healthier again.

And we thank you for that. I do not remember

the last time I've felt so calm, and-- and collected,

-and chill. It's true.

But now, I'm ready to get back to seriousness, so...

Same. All that solo time has allowed me to, uh,

conserve my resources in anticipation

for a rendezvous with a ballerina.

-(CHUCKLES) -Ooh.

I'll, uh, I'll take a vid for the next time

-you guys hit a bumpy patch. -(SIGHS) No need for that.

-I think we're good. -(LAUGHS)

And now, if only you and Obie could get back good

-with each other. -(GROANS)

I wouldn't hold your breath. And I bet he isn't either.

He's always been this way, our Otto.

Ever since he was a young boy, well,

he cared more about the world than himself.

Sometimes to his, or its, detriment.

"Detriment" is a bit of an understatement

regarding the uprising that was instigated

by your son outside of the Navy Yard development.

Everything is a learning curve these days, for all of us.

We spoke after the incident, and Otto now understands

that there's a time and place to speak up...

and a time and place

-to wait your turn. -Yeah.

He had very legitimate concerns about our project.

He just voiced them in the wrong direction.

So, have those concerns been addressed, Otto?

-Um, well, the-- -Yes.

After he brought it to our attention

that we inadvertently displaced a group of people

experiencing homelessness,

we found a way to proceed with the development,

and a new and improved shelter.

There's a reason that his father and I

call him the family conscience.

Um, I would like to, you know, personally apologize

to the city of New York for any destruction

that my actions may have caused.

That's certainly not how I was raised.

Uh, and so I will, you know, from now on,

go forward with-- with that in mind.

Okay. Well, we will see what happens next.

Thank you, Helena and Otto, for speaking with us today.

-Thank you. -Thank you, Alisyn.