Der Rebell

Horace.

- Horace. - Wh-- what the hell?

- Hey. - Horace, good morning.

Marsha, what are you doing here?

I want to talk to you.

- Marsha, you can't just come into my bedroom.

Yes, I can.

This used to be my bed, you know.

Me and your father's.

I guess it was your mother's bedroom, too, huh?

You sleep in your panties just like your dad.

Marsha, this is really weird.

Can you please go out into the living room and I'll...

How old are you now?

49.

Oh.

How old are you?

Marsha, I need-- I need to get dressed, so...

Go ahead.

- Morning. - Hey.

Brought your coffee up.

Thank you.

- You're up early. - Yeah.

Trying to get up earlier.

I started thinking that...

you know, I'm getting older, not gonna live forever.

In fact, I'm getting, you know, deep into the second half here.

And I was thinking that, you know, how, like,

in the first part of my life, I slept a lot.

I mean, when I was in the hospital, that's all I did.

So I was thinking that, uh,

you know, life experienced is life lived.

And so if I get up earlier, right, from now on,

and I sleep less, then I'm making, you know,

the second half of my life longer than the first.

Yeah, that makes sense.

I'm kind of doing the opposite.

I'm trying to sleep more and wrap it up.

- You see, except, I don't know when I'm gonna die, right?

So if I get hit by a truck today,

then the halfway point was like 26 years ago.

- Pete, you're not gonna get hit by a truck.

- How do you know? - 'Cause you don't leave this building.

If a truck was gonna hit you, it'd have to come in the front door.

Well, that's true.

Still, there's plenty of ways for a guy to die.

Sure.

- And then after that, that's it, once that happens, right?

I mean, I don't think there's anything after.

Do you?

- Hey, man, I just-- I just woke up.

- Hey, the beer guy is coming today. - Fuck.

- Well, you gotta talk to him about prices.

Yeah, I know.

- He drove Budweiser up five bucks a barrel.

- Yeah, no, I got it, I got it. - Just tell him maybe--

- All right, you know, Pete, get the fuck off my back, please.

Okay, okay, Grumpy Gus.

- Jesus. - Sorry.

- Whatever. - I'm sorry.

- You know, there's a bad pattern here where you treat me like shit

and then you say you're sorry, rinse, lather, repeat.

I'm kind of sick of it.

Okay. Okay.

- So what do you think happens after you die?

I don't know.

If you're good, you go to some place

where you get to drink lemonade out of a giant pussy.

- Hey, what-- Why do you say things like that?

Jeez Louise.

- You asked me what happens after you die.

That's if you're good.

Wow.

Well, I dated this girl,

it was back in junior year, I mean, before all the shit hit the fan.

I don't know if you met her-- Vanessa.

- Black girl. - Yeah.

- Yeah. - She was super cool.

Anyway, she said that her daddy told her that when she dies,

if she's been bad in her life,

after she dies, she's gonna go to wherever he is,

and he's gonna beat her ass forever and ever.

That's...

What-- what religion is that?

I think they were Baptists.

- I wonder if that's where I'm gonna go.

- Well, you're not gonna go to the other place with the...

- With the... - ...lemonade.

Wow, look at these poor fucks.

- What? - The refugees.

Oh, fuck, that mess.

They'd rather drown than stay in their own country.

Or they get killed by pirates.

The whole world is going back in time, you know.

Yeah.

Well, also, now that Europe let these people in their country,

it turns out they rape.

A bunch of raping refugees, apparently.

Well, it's not like they all rape.

I mean...

I mean, it's wrong that it happens,

but you can't say every one of those people is raping.

I mean, if everybody was raping,

there'd be no one to be raped.

I want to take some of those sentences back.

- The weird part with these refugees is

they're fleeing to Germany, you know?

And then they get there and they get put in a camp, like, a German camp.

- Yeah, yeah, that's like before. - Yeah, what if, uh,

what if Germany just starts exterminating them out of, like, habit?

They're like, guys, we're so sorry, like, we just thought

this is how camps are done.

- You know, don't talk about that. - Why?

- You don't know-- you don't really know what happened.

You weren't there. I know a guy who was there.

- He liberated one of the camps. - Yeah?

- He's walking into the camp with his platoon

and they see all these people starving and dying, you know?

And the whole platoon starts crying,

only he can't cry.

He's not crying 'cause he's, you know, he's stunned.

He can't get a tear out.

And everybody's, you know, crying their eyes out

and the camp prisoners are all just looking at these people crying

and he still can't cry.

So he feels, like, self-conscious and guilty, you know?

So he starts trying to think about things,

like his mother or his kids, you know?

Still can't cry.

Finally, he thinks of "Bambi."

"Bambi"?

- Yeah, it came out in 1942, you know, right before he shipped off to war.

So he's thinking about how Bambi's mother was shot, you know?

Cries like a baby.

I did the opposite.

How so?

- I was watching "Bambi" with this girl I was seeing, she was a ballerina.

And when Bambi's mother got shot,

she started crying, the ballerina.

And I wanted to cry with her,

you know, to show her I had feelings,

but-- but I didn't care.

- Wait, so what, you used the Holocaust so that you could cry about Bambi?

It's sad.

Isn't it sad?

- Which one, "Bambi" or the Holocaust?

- It's sad that it's so hard to show your feelings when you really want to.

- Hey, Pete. - Marsha, how you doing?

Can we get a couple of whiskeys?

- Yeah, whiskey's good. - Couple of whiskeys, please.

You got it.

Pete, this is Dennis.

- Dennis. - Pete, how you doing?

- He owns the tire store over on Atlantic.

- That right? - Yeah, unless he's lying to me.

I got four tire stores in Brooklyn.

I got six tire stores across Long Island.

- Yeah? - You must be tired.

- Is that your place on Atlantic and 17th?

Oh, that place us bogus, bullshit.

They do retreads, and they'll rape you with their prices.

I'm over by Flatbush and Atlantic, by the Jewish bakers?

- The Kosher guy? - Are your tires Kosher?

- What? This fucking guy.

- Dennis, Leon. - Nice to meet you, Leon.

- Oh. - He don't shake.

- Anyway, that's me over by the Jewish bakers.

Come over and see me if you need tires.

- I don't need tires. I don't have a car.

- Last car I had was a Plymouth. - Fucking Plymouth?

- Nah, forget it, this is on the house. - Marsha: Thanks, Pete.

Mind if I tell you again?

You look beautiful.

I don't mind, I like it.

Well, you are.

I never seen a woman look like you.

- I have. There's a bunch of me.

Nah, you're exceptional.

Thank you, Dennis.

You want another one of these?

- Yeah, yeah, okay. - Yeah.

Can we get a couple more, Pete, over there?

Hi, Pete.

Fucking asshole.

- Horace. - Hey, hey, hey.

Hi.

- You worried I'm gonna see your nipples?

No, it's fine.

- Horace, what is wrong with you? - I'll go put a shirt on and--

- Yeah, good idea. - Okay.

- Hi. Hi. - Hi. Hi.

- Hi. How are you? - I'm all right.

I have breast cancer.

What?

- It's all right, you know, Mom had it and beat it

and now it's my turn, you know.

It's fucking stupid. It's my fault.

How is it your fault?

- I should have had 'em out when Mom had it.

I like my tits so I held on, it's just fucking arrogant.