The Simpsons

They want me back?

D'oh!

No one's here today.

Even the choir's late.

Yeah.

Mom, with all the room,

do we have to sit so close to the geezers?

- It's too hot. - It's too cold.

I'm not even alive.

What time does Joan Rivers come on?

She doesn't.

This is a church, and it's not your church.

New Testament?

Oy-yoi-yoi, when did this happen?

Alexa, play Tranquil Organ Radio.

Peace be with you.

And also with you.

Oh, you can do better than that.

We can, but we don't want to.

I can't hear you.

You clearly can.

Lord, either make this interesting

or just rapture me now.

Salt the ham water, boys.

Clancy Wiggum is meeting his quota.

Hey! That's illegal.

Oh, sorry. You know what?

Here. Have a quarter, Chief.

You think you can bribe me with a...? Oh, my God!

Those are the gentlest eyes I've ever seen.

Linen shirt. Natural highlights.

You want to hold my gun?

Y-You can.

Thanks. I was hoping maybe you could point me

- to the church in town. - Church?

Yeah, straight down this street. First steeple you see.

That is not it. That's the Eiffel Tower strip club.

They have a French onion soup that is,

uh, well, it's just okay.

And I guess

that's about all.

You shall bore me no more!

You're going the wrong way!

No, I-I want to go this way. I love God.

If you love him so much, why don't you marry him?

Penny. Button.

IOU for one penny.

Hi. Bode Wright.

Recovery meetings are downstairs.

Booze to the right, huffers to the left.

Sorry, I'm here about the ad. On Christslist?

About you guys needing a-a youth pastor?

I didn't place any ad.

I placed the ad.

- I'm Bode. - Bode. Nice cross.

Tim's are chewed to nubs.

I-I chew my crosses. Nervous habit.

Do you have any experience, Bode?

I used to work in Michigan.

Had to use bottled holy water.

Uh-huh. Education?

I, uh, have a master's in divinity

with a focus on biblical languages.

- Greek, Hebrew... - You're hired.

Up-bup-bup-bup-bup! It doesn't work that fast.

We have I-9s and W-2s, collar fittings.

And, besides, I'm the one in charge.

In the end, isn't God in charge here?

Do you see Jimmy Buffett at every Jimmy Buffett café?

I don't think so.

Hey, can I have this? Marge could use it

to serve me snacks while I'm on the toilet.

- Oh, just take it. - So, Bode,

- do you have anywhere to stay? - Not yet.

I saw a motel by the tire fire.

- He'll stay with us. - No way.

Uh, Reverend? The homeless are here for their foot washing.

I'm looking for a mani-pedi and an eyebrow wax.

I guess I could use a little help around here.

Thank you. I won't let you down.

We don't hug here.

Mmm.

Uh, I'm here for the Alcoholics Anonymous meeting.

It's usually me, Lenny, Carl, Bumblebee Man, Kent Brockman.

But don't tell anyone.

Downstairs to the right.

Also, Lunchlady Dora, King Toot,

and a man I'll identify as Disco S.

Disco S is quite a mess.

- - Hmm.

Oh, Marge, this is embarrassing.

We don't need counseling.

We do need counseling.

I'm carrying a lot of anger.

Just do what I do. Come home

and have a hot dinner waiting for you.

Well, let me just say

that I go into this with no preconceptions.

Now, tell me, how is this Homer's fault?

He sold our home without telling me.

Helen, is he playing

with my damn trains?

Excuse me. There's trouble down at Lovejoy Junction.

So, we're good?

We're good if we get our house back.

Did you say houseboat?

House back. House back!

Oh.

Sorry, Reverend. I'm trying to get some rest?

The 12:10 to Trenton doesn't stop

just because your fat head's on the track.

- What are you doing? - Nothing.

- You gonna drop that? - Not doing a thing.

As a gag, you're gonna drop a tiny log on my face?

- Nothing. - As I'm sleeping? That's, that's-that's funny.

- Nothing. Nothing. - Go ahead. Drop it.

- Drop a tiny log on me. - Not doing a thing.

Is that... Is that your plan? You're gonna drop that?

Look, we're both grown men here.

Now leave my choo choo alone.

Gladly.

Aah!

Glad I finally got to use that.

Now, my sleepy, young friend,

I don't know how you did things back in "Michigan."

Air quotes are for when something's not a real thing.

But in my parish, we minister to our flock.

And I'm not afraid to say the hard things

that need to be said.

"I" 27.

- What? - What did he say?

We can't hear you.

"B" thr-three.

You know, I'd be happy to yell out numbers for you.

Help save your voice.

Bingo requires a firm, experienced caller.

"G." "G" 48.

"N" for... "N" 43.

I got nothing.

I think I can handle it.

When I was in seminary school,

I was the shouty guy on our rowing team.

We weren't allowed to say "coxswain."

Bingo is not for newbies.

The letters sound very similar.

"B" 15.

"B" as in Balthazar.

Did he say Galthazar?

Gingo!

Gingo take you to bathroom.

I don't want to go.

Hey, this no picnic for Gingo either.

Empty again.

And those two just came here to make out.

If we do it in a church, I, like, can't get pregnant.

Uh, good mor...

Excuse me.

Brothers and sisters,

Reverend Lovejoy is experiencing some vocal difficulties.

Save your voice, Reverend.

Now, we could cancel church.

But God clearly foresaw this

and sent us a backup pastor

to finish the service.

Church will not be canceled.

Now please help me welcome

our new youth minister Bode Wright.

Thanks. That's very meek. Jesus would've loved it.

I was thinking, while the reverend rests his voice,

maybe we could all sing a song.

Uh, Rev, if that's okay with you, um, cough once.

We did not establish what two coughs means,

so I'll take that to mean two yeses.

Why don't we sing, I don't know,

"Amazing Grace"? You all know that one.

Or if you don't, it's in your hymnal under

"grace, comma, amazing."

This is the most exciting thing that ever happened

in a white church!

All these years of mediocre grace.

Finally, it's amazing.

This must've been what it was like

at Jesus's concerts.

Thank you. Now we'd, uh,

we'd like to do a couple of new psalms.

Something exciting's

happening at the church.

Let's check it out.

All right, I think we get it. Grace, it's amazing.

I know most of you usually save your "hallelujahs"

for when church is over.

I adore the informality.

But if it's okay, I thought maybe I could just speak

to you guys straight from my heart.

I don't have anything planned,

but I guess I should talk about God, right?

Church. Pastor.

Makes sense I should talk about God.

But the truth is, I woke up this morning

and I wasn't really sure if I believed in God.