King of the Hill

Captioning sponsored by FOX BROADCASTING COMPANY

and 20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION

Yo?

Daggum, dude, man,

talkin' big ol' bite of apple, man,

talkin' life sentence--

Daggum bu yin' a cow.

Oh, man, you talkin' 'bout 'em like like a dang ol'...

Dang.

Daggum, big wig jingo bang it up, dog!

Like... Woo! Yeah, baby!

Wow, so your little brother Patch is getting married.

Now that calls for a beer.

Yup! Yup!

Mm-hmm.

'Yeah, you boys were always competing over something.

Who could sell the most copies of Grit.

Who could bag the most groceries.

Who could bag the most ladies.

It was always close, but it was always Boomhauer.

Yeah, but Patch finally beat Boomhauer at something--

: his way to the altar.

Oh, don't worry, Boomhauer,

Patch might have beat you to the altar,

but you'll beat him to the grave.

As a bachelor, your life expectancy

is seven years shorter than us blissfully marrieds.

Even Bill gets a couple of years' credit

for that charade of a marriage of his.

That's true.

Dang ol' journey, man, ain't no...

ain't no race.

Boomhauer!

Yo.

Yol

Katherine Hester, man!

Oh, I can't believe it's been 12 years.

I just got into town a half hour ago.

It's like dang ol', talkin' 'bout destiny, man.

Talkin' 'bout ol' planets aligned, you know,

just like a Big ol' Dipper, man.

Oh man, that dang ol' smile.

'You remember getting our braces caught

and hooked like that, man.

Talkin' 'bout no pain, no gain.

You know, I've been thinking

about you a lot lately.

Oh, man... Dang ol true man?

Well, yeah.

I mean I am marrying your brother.

You!

You're marrying... Patch?!

Talkin' 'bout my Patch?!

I guess I'm going to be Mrs. Boomhauer after all.

I was actually on my way to the airport to pick him up.

When you see him, could you act surprised?

That's perfect.

So, your brother's marrying Katherine.

She made the best beer.

Yup.

Wow, it's like if the Russians

landed on the moon after we did

and then married it.

Sorry, Boomhauer.

Boomhauer's okay.

He had his chance to land Katherine

in the boat years ago.

Instead, he cut the line.

Hey, man, it's like, dang ol' history man.

Yee-hal

Oh, man, here they come now.

Go act, like, surprised, man!

Gentlemen, intro-dang-ol'-ducing

daggum future Mrs. Patch Boomhauer!

Unbelievable.

Katherine, is it not?

Dang ol' stand there, black T-shirt,

looking all sharp man with that hair

all scruffy on top that way, man.

Come here.

Yeah, okay. Man, okay.

Hey, got dang it, man.

Don't wake up the dang ol' lion, man.

Man, hey, come on.

Hey, hey. Ow. Ow. Ow!

Daggum jaw, man. Talkin' TMJ, man.

Shoot, man, yeah, that's what, like,

got me outta the daggum port a-john business,

dang ol' quick like, man,

'cause I'm telling you, like, whew.

Talkin' Andy Dump, man.

Oh, Patch.

Mm, I'll tell you what,

the blood runs hot in that Boomhauer family.

Yeah, that Patch got it going on,

but he a dog, I can smell it from here.

You know, I still remember

the day Katherine left for London.

Boomhauer stayed in his hot tub for two straight days.

I have never seen a man look so unhappy, yet so relaxed.

Bobby, what are you doing?

I want to show Patch

I've got what it takes to be a ring boy.

It's ring bearer, and that's Ladybird's job.

Besides, you're old enough to be an usher.

An usher? Wow!

Sir, come back when you have a tie.

Yo! Shush it!

Talkin' 'bout since I was a little boy,

big brother man, fed me dirt and daggum bugs,

but, you know, long story short, man,

talkin' 'bout... best man.

Yo.

Very touching,

but something tells me this is not over.

So, uh, Boomhauer, how you doing there?

Well, man, you know,

this dang ol' beer's a little warm,

but, you know.

To be thinking of her as your sister-in-law.

Hey, man, I ain't got no dang ol' problem here, man,

you know, talkin' 'bout you got little son of yours, man,

walking around carrying that dang ol' little burger

on a pillow, man, you got...

"We-We're here

to congratulate Patch and Katherine on..."

Daggum cannonball!

Watch it with that dang ol' cannonball, man!

Hello, Mr. Boomhauer.

Thanks for letting me borrow your Walkman.

I broke it.

Talkin' 'bout meow. Here, kitty-kitty.

Patch-elor party, man.

Daggum, find you a place to sit, darlin'.

Um...

Just a little ol' kidder, man, you know,

every dang ol' April Fool's, growing up, man,

putting up a little ol frog in my bed.

You know, just ol Patch, man.

Woo-dogs, that's a sweet taste, man.

Lookin' forward to that meal.

You know, like...

'You know you gotta talk 'bout, think 'bout new,

turning over a new leaf with ol' Katherine, man.

You got, like, vows, man, talkin' 'bout vows.

Yo man, talkin' 'bout, eating at home, man,

'cept for drive-thru window action now and then, man.

Talkin' 'bout fast food, baby!

Dang ol grow up, man.

Yup.

Yup.

Fight!

Get off me, man!

Now calm down!

Both of you!

I can't understand a word you're saying!

Shoot, man, I mean, man,

just talkin' wedding, man, goes off.

Daggum jealousy, man.

Ugly, green-eyed monster, man.

'You must settle this like men.

Angry, redneck men.

Blunderbusses at 20 paces!

Dang it, Boomhauer.

Your brother is getting married

and you need to start acting right!

Talkin' 'bout tell him, man!

He's the one wanna

get dang ol' hoochie- coochie dance, man.

Hey, man, no, you too much hoochie-coochie man,

talkin' you ain't no best man after all, no way, man!

'Yeah man, you know, you can't fire me, man,

'cause I tell you what: I quit!

Daggum can't have no wedding with no best man, man.

Hold the ring, give the speech, man, you know,

throw the bachelor party, man.

Daggum, man, you know, talking about, Hank?

Whoa. Yeah, but...

Me? Your best man?

Well, I...

Patch...

I'd be honored.

Well, what was I going to do?

Let Patch have a wedding without a best man?

Boomhauer had his chance with Katherine.

Maybe this is just the kick in the pants

Boomhauer needs to snap him out of that Peter Pan lifestyle.

'You know, maybe you're right.

He's not getting any younger,

and all the women he dates are.

Something's got to give.

So, what are Patch and Katherine

serving at their wedding?

I need to know what color tux to get--

Stain-wise.

Hey, uh, Boomhauer, we're going to start

planning the bachelor party at my place tonight.

'You want to join us?

Remember how much fun you had at our bachelor parties?

Hey, Bill, can you grab me a beer?