Donkey X (Donkey Xote)

In a village in the region of La Mancha,

whose name I don't care to remember,

there lived not so long ago

one of those gentlemen who keep a lance in the rack,

an old shield, a lean horse, and a swift hound...

gaunt and wizened,

an early riser and a lover of the hunt.

They say his name was Don Quixote de la Mancha,

who spent his days reading books of knight errantry,

which he loved and enjoyed so much

that he completely lost it.

Now, all the fantasies in those books

became such an obsession

that he thought of nothing else

but duels, enchantments,

battles, and impossible love,

until the day came

when he had the most extravagant notion of all:

to call himself a knight errant

and go in search of grand adventures,

just like all the heroes in his books.

But Don Quixote needed a squire,

so he decided to work on a neighboring farmer,

and although it wasn't easy,

he persisted and promised so much

that in the end,

poor Sancho, for that was his name,

agreed to go with him,

leaving behind his wife, his land,

and all his possessions.

Now all he lacked in his search for eternity

was a lady to fall in love with

and yearn for.

You see, a knight errant without love

is a knight without a soul.

He suddenly recalled

a farm girl from a nearby village.

Although he didn't actually know her,

he'd been in love from afar,

and so was inspired to create the damsel of his dreams.

And although that lady never existed,

she would always be for him his Dulcinea.

Dulcinea Del Toboso.

Not again, I'm fed up with this !

Who cares, anyhow ?

It's always the same old yarn.

What are you saying ?

I mean, the book says very clearly that--

Why should I bother with some old book

when I was there to see it for myself ?

You mean, you're Rucio, Sancho's donkey ?

Hold it right there !

The only talking donkey I know

is a friend of mine who hangs out with some green ogre.

I'm a horse.

And it's about time the world knew the truth.

The truth ?

What truth ?

It all began quite some time ago,

after we got back from that first adventure--

Quixote, Sancho, Rocinante, and yours truly.

Ugh, it stinks of donkey around here.

So where do you think you're going, donkey ?

This road is for horses only.

So what's this pig doing here then ?

Are you blind ?

Can't you see what a wonderful steed he is ?

I wasn't talking to you.

One day I'll be a great horse,

and I'll do all kinds of important stuff.

You'll see.

Just remember, you'll have to pass the pony exams first.

Whoa, I'm afraid he'll have a tough time at the practical.

No one will humiliate me ever again.

Right, left, right, left,

right, left, right, left--

Squad ! Positions !

I don't believe it.

Yes !

Three in a line.

And what exactly do you think you're doing, James ?

It's perfect !

A hurricane wouldn't even knock this lot down.

You're safe, I got ya.

Off, James.

Now !

Everything's under control.

You won't believe this, Rocinante, it's incredible !

No screaming in the barn !

But-- No excuses in the barn !

Stop !

Hey, you-- you... don't take another step !

What do you want?

We're not even meant to be talking to each other.

Our masters might not be speaking,

but you and I are horses-- Negative.

He's already made it clear, he doesn't want to talk.

Look, buddy, when I was working as a bodyguard

for Babieca, El Cid's horse, we were right in the middle of

shooting a big scene in Valencia--

Besides, it was greedy Sancho's fault.

No, it was Quixote's fault,

and his absurd obsession with chivalry and love,

which don't even exist.

Don't exist for you, maybe.

Horses like you turn their life into a big, fat lie.

Look at yourself here in this old barn,

a sad and ridiculous officer with a handful of hens

and some little squirt as a bodyguard ?

What are you gonna invade ? The drinking trough ?

Rocinante, you've become a coward.

Now you've gone too far, pal.

We have to stop Quixote from seeing this !

Stop him ?

But this is our chance to get

some dignity back in our lives,

make our dreams come true.

Your dreams, you mean.

But then you're just the same as Quixote, a--

Say it, Why don't you ?

A fool !

Losers.

One word from you, and he's mincemeat.

Don't you even think about it!

Give that back !

This is really important !

Very, very important.

There's an end to your dreams.

That Quixote lives in our house,

you haven't spoken in months,

and now, all of a sudden, you've got to talk ?

Well, just make sure you remind him

to pay the rent-- that's all !

This time it's different.

We're meeting at Bachelor Carrasco's place--

mutual territory.

Who knows what trouble he'll get you into now.

Oh, please !

What do you think you're doing dressed like that, Sancho ?

This is a Calf Klein occasion.

And what's wrong with this ?

Ten years and still like new.

Fits like a glove, too.

Hey, my friend.

Where would we be without you ?

And you're not riding that broken-down donkey !

Take the new horse.

Just her way of showing affection.

My dear Sancho, come in !

We were waiting for you.

Where's Quixote, then ?

Sancho.

Let's get this over with.

I've got the donkey double-parked.

Gentlemen...

we have known one another since childhood.

You, Quixote, are the most famous

and cultivated in the village.

After you, Bachelor.

And you, Sancho, wealthy and respectable man.

You followed him for a dream,

but it all went sour, didn't it ?

He said I'd get to be

governor of an island if I went with him.

Yeah, but we didn't find Dulcinea.

You saw her, but I didn't.

Because you left me alone.

As you can see, there have been quite a few letters

concerning that book about you two.

You've even got a fan club,

which isn't bad,

especially when you consider that I, for example,

haven't had a letter in years.

And on top of it all,

they flooded the region with these pamphlets.

"I, Knight Of The Crescent Moon,

"having learned of the adventures

"of the knight errant Don Quixote,

"do challenge him to a duel in Barcelona this full moon.

"If I should win, Quixote will hand over his arms

"and renounce Dulcinea forever.

"But if Quixote be the winner,

"I promise to reveal

"the true identity of Dulcinea,

and will give her all my treasures and possessions."

So what's all this gotta do with me ?

You ?

My dear Sancho, do I have to remind you

that you were the one who went off with him

to resurrect this whole chivalry thing ?

And now you are Quixote and Sancho,

Sancho and Quixote--

an indivisible symbol of this beautiful village,

its main heritage, the pride of La Mancha !

You are everything !

And your point is ?

The truth is, Quixote asked me to intercede.

Just shake hands, can't you ?

Go along with him on this new adventure.

Help him as I do,