Uncle Buck

Come on, man. Let me touch the ball.

Uh, only I touch this ball, Cy.

Ooh, a ball!

Do-Right, play with your own ball, all right?

This one's magic.

And this ball's the only reason

why the Bulls got six championship rings.

Six!

What about Michael Jordan?

Whatever. Listen.

During the Bulls' dynasty, when they were down by four,

I would just touch this ball and say, "Bulls!"

and they'd have a surge.

You know, the Bulls play them punk-ass Cavs this Friday,

and we need this win.

Are we still good for watching it at my house?

Yeah, that's a tradition. I'm there.

Oh, FYI, my mom's ferrets got out... again.

So, um, you got to tuck your pants into your socks.

Straight vodka at noon? I like it.

Uh, let me get one, too... with a straw.

This is water.

I got to pick the kids up after school.

Look what them kids done did to you.

- What? - You can't even lunch-drink anymore.

I stopped breakfast-drinking, too.

I take this job seriously, man.

No more Kahlúa and Kellogg's? Come on, Buck.

Every time you start a job and it gets a little tough,

you cut and run.

You famous for that, Buck.

That was an outrageous statement.

When have I ever done that?

Does this bus stop at Grant Park?

I quit!

That's it! I'm sick of it!

You only drove the bus for two days.

Aw, look, this job is different.

I love taking care of them kids, and I do it damn well,

so y'all can just stay out of my business, all right?

I got this.

Oh, God!

Is this what water tastes like?

Doo, Doo-doo-doo.

Dang, you looking out the window and not on your phone.

It must be bad.

But Uncle Buck is here to fix it.

I wanted to go to this avant-garde opera

with my friends downtown at an abandoned warehouse.

Well, you know, the only word I heard

in that sentence was "friends."

Doesn't matter, because Mom and Dad said it wasn't safe.

You know, if I tell my friends my parents said no,

they'll think I'm lame.

Easy. Just front.

Front?

Yeah, front.

Photoshop yourself doing something better.

And with them little weird friends you got,

that shouldn't be hard.

Yeah!

I can say I went to a Lulu James concert.

And then you can hashtag everything.

#BigTime.

#Blessed.

#DontHate.

#WerePoppin.

#Fabuloso.

#NotLame.

Hashtag!

Hey, hey, hey.

Look, I don't want to be all up in your business,

but I do laundry once a week,

and there was only one pair of drawers in there.

You got to do better than that.

Uncle Buck, do you know anything about girls?

I know they like clean drawers.

There's this girl that I really like,

but she won't even look my way.

Aw.

You came to the right place.

Man, you know how many ladies that I...

No, point is, I'm great with women.

Let me be your wingman on this.

Oh, teach me, sensei.

Well, what you got to do is you got to make her need you.

Is there a class that she's not really great at?

She asked me for help on a math problem once,

but I suck at math.

Wrong.

You a math genius.

Look here. Just tell her that 53 times 72 is 525.

Is it?

I don't know. And neither will she.

Gotcha.

Thanks, Uncle Buck.

Aw, my man.

Anytime, Einstein.

You home early.

How was your anniversary dinner?

- Oh, my God. - What?

I completely forgot.

Aw, aw!

Baby, I'm so sorry.

Well, you should be.

What are you sorry for?

Our anniversary dinner.

Oh, my gosh. I completely forgot.

Forgetting about your significant other...

that's classic Buck.

Good night.

Honey, I knew both of us working would be hard,

but this is crazy.

You've become, like, some sexy stranger,

which is kind of hot, except I'm too exhausted to act on it.

Remember how awesome we were in Atlanta,

going out all the time?

We were hot on those streets.

Like Michelle and Barack.

With a little bit of danger, like Beyoncé and Jay Z.

We were like a luxury car commercial.

Sexy and sophisticated.

Oh, yeah.

You think we'll ever get that new-car smell back?

Y'all need to get y'all act together.

'Cause if y'all split up,

who gonna get custody of me and the kids?

Don't make us choose.

That's all I'm saying.

Hey, baby.

Ah, middle-of-the-day call. I like it.

You're gonna like this even more.

We're pulling an emergency anniversary reboot.

I cleared my schedule and made a reservation

at that dinner-and-dancing place.

This is non-negotiable.

I'll get Buck to babysit.

Well, look at you, all in charge.

I like that, too.

Oh, really?

What you wearing, girl?

A sweatshirt with a ketchup stain.

Oh, honey, I'm so sorry.

I probably should've said you were on speaker phone.

That's Kiana, one of the girls I'm mentoring.

Anyway, I'll see you soon. I'm very excited.

Baby, you got me all worked...

Bye.

Hello?

You know, your husband sounds old but hot.

Uh. He'll appreciate half of that.

Need a plan to get them out of there...

Can you help me with my spelling words?

I want to be smart, not just cute.

Oh, sure, baby girl.

All right.

The first word is "college."

I think the word's "collage."

All right, you can say it as fancy as you want to say it,

but you're not getting into collage unless you can spell it.

Now, I done told you about...

Hold up.

What's up, Will?

Oh, no, no, no. It's cool. Yeah.

I know you're trying to get right with your lady.

Look, me and Cy, we can watch the game over here.

All right, cool. My man.

Hey, wh... Where'd she go?

Cy!

You brought a cheese plate.

This ain't no art gallery. This is a basketball game.

Look, man, I'm still not sure

about watching the game over here.

I think all these kids' energies is gonna jinx us,

and the Bulls need our focus.

Look, Maizy's asleep, Miles is studying with a friend,

and Tia don't like sports or fun.

She's in the bedroom. It's all good.

- All right. - Man, I got it.

Look, I just thought we could start...

Hey, old man.

Hey, little gutter punk.

Are you lost?

I just seen the rest of your crew up under the overpass.

I don't appreciate you putting your little...

Hey, Jo.

This is my Uncle Buck.

Nice to meet you... Uncle Buck.

Did she just say my name weird?

That's the girl - I was telling you about.

I think she's the one.

Yeah, the one that's gonna murder us.

Should I clear this setting?

No, we're celebrating our anniversary tonight.

She'll be here any minute.

Uh, is that her?

Nope.

Absolutely not.

Hi!

I'm so sorry I'm late. Mwah!