Strangers with Candy

Can we change?

I've been running for 32 years.

In and out of prison like a junkie jack-in-the-box.

Change.

Strength of an ape.

Where was I?

Oh, right, change. Change rising from...

Oh, this doesn't turn out good.

Can we change?

I'm Jerri Blank and this is my story.

Stranglers with...

Guess we'll never know.

Oh, that's me.

Mommy I'm home!

Can I help you?

Who are you and what are you doing in my house?

I think you have the wrong house, dear.

I think I would know my own house.

Yeah, this is it.

Well, nice to have met you.

I think we've got ourselves a little situation.

Wow.

What did you say you are?

Jerri Blank. Oh, my muckalucks.

Would you stay on the runner, please?

So, maybe you want to tell me who you are.

I'm Sarah Blank. I'm married to your father.

Well, doesn't that upset my mother?

How do I put this delicately?

Your mother's dead, your father's upstairs in a coma,

and we have a son, Derrick.

So, thanks so much for coming by.

I want my daddy.

Miss, I'm sorry.

Daddy!

Miss, would you please...

Daddy!

Would you please stay on the runner?

Daddy!

Daddy!

Yes?

Jerri Blank.

Jerri Blank?

I delivered you.

I still have the scars.

Born with a complete set of teeth.

Medical marvel.

Dr. Putney, what's wrong with my daddy?

Your father has what we call a stress-induced coma.

You see, after you left home, your mother died of grief.

Mother!

May I keep these?

Of course, Jerri, but I'll keep the urn.

It's stainless steel.

As I was saying, the stress of her demise,

combined with anguish over your disappearance,

has led to this death-like rigor that you see before you.

Oh, daddy!

I'm so sorry that I didn't call.

Ah!

What was that?

Maybe it was just a nervous reaction.

Oh, I poke needles in him all the time, I never get a response.

Somehow, your mere presence is bringing him back to life.

Quick, everyone, out into the hall.

His slight movement defies all medical logic.

Is my daddy is gonna be fixed now?

Hard to say, Jerri, hard to say.

This would be my advice.

Stimulate him to get back to that magical time

when life was good and precious and worth being conscious for,

when he was still this little girl.

That's it?

I'm hesitant to ask.

I'm picking my life up exactly where I left off.

I'm gonna go back to high school

and be the good girl I never was or had any desire to be.

Maybe that'll help save my daddy.

Well, it's a start, Jerri, but you have to do better than good.

You can't reverse 32 years of depravity in a single day.

You have to put some effort into it.

We call it balancing the psychic equation.

Who's we?

You know, the people in my carpool.

But the point is, you have to be special, Jerri.

Special?

You have to make the honor roll, win the spelling bee.

Be prom queen?

Make the honor roll.

Well, I've said enough.

Thank you for coming, Doctor.

Mom, I'm home.

Okay, who is that and why does he bother me?

Jerri, this is our son, Derrick.

Let me give you a little advice, Derelict.

I think it would be behoovey of you

not to cut into my mommy time, all right?

We're bonding.

Mom, what's happening?

It's all right, darling.

Go to your room and lock the door.

So, where do I stows me stuff?

All right, Jerri, you can have your old room back,

but only until your father gets better.

Oh, here's your mother.

You won't even know I'm here.

Hey, when's eats?

What?

I take chorizo and eggs on a flour tortilla.

Go easy on the jalapenos.

I got a bit of the squirties.

God, I'm going to bed.

Bed?

Good night, Mommy.

What the hell is going on?

How do I look?

What did you do to my shirt?

I knew you wouldn't take me to school on my first day, Mommy.

Are you insane?

I'm afraid.

What if the kids don't like me?

What if I don't fit in?

What if?

The first day of high school's always scary, Jerri,

especially the second time around.

Just be yourself, and if things don't work out,

we'll know where the problem lies.

Maybe I should go home and change.

Get out of my car.

Get out.

Check out the wild load who got a ride from Mommy.

That's the last time, old lady!

God, you're suffocating me!

I hate you!

Hit me up at 315.

Don't be late.

Thanks, Mommy.

Are you kidding?

God, mothers.

They can be so clingy, right?

Just don't want to see you grow up.

Hey, check out the thumb sucker

getting a ride from his Mommy.

What a chump.

Hey, don't worry, I'll change his diapers for you.

Hi, I'm Jerri.

Would you like to carry my books?

Alice.

Henry.

So nice to have members of the school board in my chambers.

Can I fix you to a drink?

This is a high school Onyx.

My mistake.

Would you care to handle my pistol?

No, thanks.

Alice?

I think I've handled your pistol enough.

I'm sorry.

That was insensitive.

So as to what do I owe the pleasure

of this surprise attack visit?

May I blithely assume you're here

to deliver the rest of my discretionary funding?

Look, Onyx, you're required to send us documentation

proving that your students have actually achieved

the high test scores that you claim.

What?

You didn't receive my package?

Iris!

Yes, Principal Blackman?

What happened to the documents the school board requested?

I don't know.

Hmm.

I know what must have happened.

I didn't send it.

I'm glad that's cleared up.

I'll take that drink now.

If we don't receive concrete proof by next week,

you will not be receiving any future funding,

and as required by law,

we'll return any and all monies the board has already provided.

Understand?

But Alice, I naturally assume

that given our past long-standing mutuality,

you'd perhaps be more generous with your letting it slide?

Our days of sliding are over.

Am I missing something?

No, Henry, you're not missing anything.

And neither am I.

I'm sorry to hear that, Alice.

Are you?

Let me ask a question here.

Did you have sex with Alice?

You have one week to prove your students

are above average in any way.

I have a right to know I'm on the school board.

I have 3,000 students and nearly a dozen teachers.

Surely one of them must have a decent brain.

Hey! Hey!

Oh, I'm going to jail.