Man with a Plan

We're really excited to have the kids stay with us

while you guys are away for a little grown-up time.

Wink, wink.

Ma, don't "wink, wink."

You're gonna ruin grown-up time.

Don't worry, honey, I got some new lingerie.

You'll power through.

So, you're going to Atlantic City.

I've had some good times there with your mother.

I've never been to Atlantic City, Joe.

Well, some lucky lady.

A-And it's not Atlantic City, Dad, it's Vegas.

I told you that ten minutes ago

when you were complaining about how tinfoil used to be thicker.

Hi, Grandma. Hi, Grandpa.

Oh, we are gonna have such fun with these cuties.

I have a candy bar at home weighs more than you do.

I love you, Grandma.

Mwah.

And we're hoping that Kate

looks up from her phone at some point.

What?

And we've got something special planned for you, Teddy.

I fixed up your dad's old BB gun.

You better sleep with one eye open.

I've got a video of you singing "Let It Go" in your towel.

A BB gun for Teddy?

Oh, don't worry, my dad's a great teacher.

Don and I both had 'em when we were kids.

Oh, yeah, I taught my boys how to shoot the Army way.

Safety first.

Unless you're being overrun by Charlie,

then it's just spray and pray.

But Teddy's so young.

But it's a Burns family tradition.

Three generations of men sharing knowledge

and history and companionship.

That's the kind of emotional crap you love.

I do love emotional crap.

Okay, well, just be careful.

All right, you better get out of here

- before she changes her mind. - Yeah.

- Okay, honey, bye-bye. - Bye-bye.

Mwah.

So...

tell me more about this girl from Atlantic City.

Honey, don't worry about who else played the game.

You won the prize.

I'm looking forward to teaching your boy how to shoot.

Once Teddy learns how to use a BB gun,

I'll show him my real guns.

Okay, bye, Dad, yup, night-night.

Okay.

Drive safe.

Off you go. (CHUCKLES)

Wait-wait-wait, wh-what did he just say?

Oh, nothing, just some old guy jibber-jab.

Nothing to worry about.

Wait, wait, wait. H-He has real guns at home?

I can't believe

you never told me that.

Honey, my dad hunts, he's a vet.

I figured you knew. I'm gonna go in here now.

Oh, I'm gonna go in here, too.

Look, our kids are over there a lot.

Yeah, and think how safe they are

being protected by all those guns.

Look, when Kate was born, you got rid of your hunting rifles.

I just... I don't understand why people insist on having guns.

That's 'cause no one as smart as me has ever explained it to you.

Okay?

People say it's about their rights and their freedom,

but here's the real truth: guns are fun.

They go boom, people like that.

But they're dangerous.

In the hands of idiots.

But the fact that you

never even knew my dad had 'em

proves how careful and safe he is.

I think it just proves that you never told me.

It can prove two things.

I'm sorry, I'm-I'm just not comfortable

leaving the kids there.

I just... I-I won't be able to enjoy myself in Vegas.

No, no, no, leave Vegas out of this.

We've had to cancel this trip three times.

Okay, well, then talk to your dad

about getting rid of his guns and we can go.

If you feel so strongly about it,

maybe you should talk to my dad.

Okay.

Yeah, I'll tell your dad to get rid of his guns.

You can tell my mom she has to start wearing a bra.

I'll take the guns.

If she's not gonna listen to the manager at the Golden Corral,

she's not gonna listen to me.

So here's the thing, Dad.

I had a talk with Andi,

and you need to get rid of your guns.

- Your wife is very funny, yeah. - Yeah.

Yeah, she's a hoot.

But after you brought up your real guns last night,

Andi got all worried

about the kids staying with you guys next week.

Oh, geez. No one's more careful than me.

I told her, but there's talk of calling off Vegas.

Okay, I need to play blackjack in a hotel robe,

holding a morning beer. I need it, Dad.

All right, all right.

Look, I think Andi just doesn't like guns

because she's never shot one.

That's what I was thinking.

So how about we take her to the shooting range?

She can see how responsible you are, and we can change her mind.

Oh, I like it.

Okay, good. By the way,

how many times have you actually

changed her mind about something?

I don't know, who keeps track of that stuff?

Zero's not a hard number to remember.

Who can say fresh radishes?

You don't have to say it, I'll just give you some.

I grew them in my garden. Have one.

No, thanks. I don't try new things.

Don, we've talked about this,

it's good to broaden your horizons.

Well, actually, Lowell, in 99% of deaths,

you'll find out that the deceased,

at some point, tried something new.

But everybody tries something new.

And everybody dies.

You got any tomatoes in that man basket?

I know I like those.

Well, I planted some,

but I've got a thieving woodchuck in my garden.

I tried to have my cat chase him off,

but they became unlikely animal friends.

You know, my dad fixed up Adam's old BB gun.

How about you and I go out and take care of that woodchuck?

Scarface style.

I don't like this place.

And why are people wearing camouflage inside?

It just makes them more obvious.

I can see all of you!

Honey, don't rile up the gun owners.

Just relax.

Okay, once you fire off a few rounds,

I think you'll see it's not as scary as it seems.

- Ready? - All right.

Let's go over a few safety rules, huh?

Always assume that every gun is loaded.

Is that one loaded?

What did I just say?

She's not listening.

Trust me, Dad, that's not how you do it with her.

It's true. It's not how you do it with me.

All right, you want to go give this a try?

Well, if it gets me off

the set of Deliverance, I'll do it.

Okay, fire when ready.

Well that's just the best thing ever.

I've seen you eat carrots before,

so I know you'll like these.

I want the last thing that woodchuck sees to be us enjoying

what is rightfully ours!

Got any ranch dressing?

I do.

Can I have some?

You may not. Just try one without it.

Why are you always looking to change me?

It's like when you wanted me to see movies

that aren't Fast & Furious.

There are better movies. Branch out.

There aren't better movies.

They made eight and the worst one was good.

It went great, great, great,

good, great, great, better, best.

Of course you love it... it's the ranch dressing of movies.

Shh, look, there's the woodchuck.

That's right, just sit there and eat that tomato.

Oh, no, my cat!

- (GUN FIRES) - Ow!

You shot me in the butt!

No, I didn't. I was at work all day.

But I don't want to go home.

Babe, we've been here two hours.

You can't go full Rambo on the first day.

Okay.

But first let me check out the gift counter.

They have a-a pepper grinder that looks like a hand grenade.

How do I not have one of those?

All right, looks like Atlantic City is back on.

I told you it's Vegas.

Whoa, Dad, you just put your phone in the gun case.

What?

Were you about to put the gun in your pocket?

Don't worry about what I put where.

Well, I'm just saying,

if someone calls and you answer your gun,

we're gonna have a problem.