Corner Gas: The Movie

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How long has it been?

April 13, 2009.

No way. You sure?

Well, I can't be 100% sure

since I don't know what you're talking about.

Wanda, has it been that long?

Oh, at least.

We're talking about the last time you took a shower, right?

No. That was Tuesday.

Uh, no, Monday.

No, I was asking how long it's been

since anything exciting's happened around here.

Well, that guy came through town a couple of months ago

wearing a tuxedo,

on his way to a wedding or a funeral or something.

It was probably a wedding.

I mean, you don't wear a top hat to a funeral.

I don't know.

I mean, if you didn't like the guy,

you might pull out all the stops.

Nothing exciting ever happens around here.

Open the till and put the money in a bag!

- Money! Now! - O-Okay, okay.

Did you bring your own bag?

Otherwise, I got to charge you a nickel.

Well, how would it be if I blow your head off

and charge you 50 cents for the shell?

Well, that's not a fair comparison at all.

- Whoa! -

Hyah! Hyah! Hyah!

- Hyah! Hyah! Hyah! - Aah!

Where did you learn how to do that?

Oh, I've only seen every Jean-Claude Van Damme movie

like a hundred thousand times.

- I'm more of a Jackie Chan... -

Aah!

- Brent! -

Never bring just one gun to a robbery.

Okay. No more violence.

Aah!

Wanda, are you okay?

I knew it!

You... should not... have done that.

Yeah, fry him, Wanda!

Aaaah!

Brent, Wanda's a...

You're a robot, too?

No, you idiot. I'm just bionic.

Wolf man!

Finally get to see a robot fight a werewolf.

Baggage... for... Flight...687.

Baggage... for Flight 687.

...will be dispensed on carousel two.

Baggage for Flight 687 will be dispensed...

G " Laser fur!

Are you Hank Yarbo?

Oh. Are you...

newspaper lady?

Tina Fuller. The National Star.

Oh, hey.

- Hank Yarbo. - Yes.

- We established that. - Oh, yeah, right.

Shall we?

Oh, yeah.

You can tell me that your dog ran away

Then tell me that it took three days

I've heard every joke

I've heard everything you say

You think there's not a lot goin' on

But look closer, baby, you're so wrong

I roll my eyes back into my happy place

I'm always gonna need this sense of space

And in the amber wave under a rolling cloud

I can't hear what you say 'cause you're talking so loud

How many times you gonna get me wrong?

Yeah, yeah, yeah

You think there's not a lot goin' on

Well, this must be pretty exciting for you, huh?

Traveling around the country,

judging the "Quaintest Town in Canada" contest.

It's my lifelong dream.

Yeah? Oh.

Well, none of them can be as quaint as Dog River.

I've been here my whole life.

- It's awesome. -

With the rain, you could get lightning on you

Strikes twice

You better believe it

Under a sky that's always wrapped around you

There's not a lot goin' on

You think there's not a lot goin' on

That's not a very welcoming sight.

Oh, my God, no!

Oh, my God! Shouldn't we help him?

Get him!

Hey, you better get out of my face!

Do you have any idea who you're dealing with?

Ow!

Oh, that's new.

But, you know sometimes accidents happen.

This is insane!

I don't know what you people consider quaint, but this is...

- Aaah! - Whoa!

Crap.

- Who was that? - That was Brent Leroy.

He used to be my best friend.

What the hell is going on here?

Oh. Well, it wasn't always like this.

It all started not so long ago.

Are you gonna tell me the story or...

Oh, yeah, sure. Yeah.

It all started not so long ago.

- Why does it keep doing that? - I don't know.

It's not the bulbs because, electrically...

I don't know.

Does anyone know why the power keeps going out?

- It's complicated. - You don't know.

I don't know.

Or do I?

Hey. Have you guys seen this article in the National Star?

"Canada's Quaintest Community."

Don't you think Dog River should be in this?

Yeah, maybe. You should enter us.

Well, obviously, I can't enter us the way the town is now.

The grass hasn't been mowed. Garbage is piling up.

So don't enter us. Problem solved.

No, but it comes with a $75,000 prize.

And think about the tourist benefits.

You guys, this town is falling apart,

and nobody's doing anything about it.

Fitzy's gonna get an earful at the town meeting today.

Town meeting?

Honestly, can we go two minutes

without some idiot calling a town meeting?

What is it this time?

Is it the triangle manhole covers again?

Because what does that even solve?

Stop complaining.

You and I are local businesspeople.

We need to be there, and you need to pay attention, Brent.

No comic books.

Fine. Then you can't wear any stylish, contemporary...

You're hard to insult.

Oscar!

What?! I'm watching "Survivin' with lvan."

"Survivin' With Ivan."

After you sharpen branch into razor point,

you can harden it in the fire to make deadly weapon.

Why don't you get your butt off the couch and go fix something?

The water and the power are broke all over town.

And I fixed the car.

It broke again while I was fixing it.