The Lovers

Big day today? Yep!

I love you! Seamus! / Seamus!

Hey you. Seamus?

I just wanted to say a quick hello- Oh yeah! Sure, let's do this.

Ok, here we go... Smile!

Have a good day, you.

Seamus! Hey, buddy.

There's lots of- Sorry...

Seamus.

They said we've got to have it out by Thursday.

Seamus! Hey, Tim!

Seamus! Ah-ha-ha!

Ndidi. Hi.

Uh, have you two already met?

Sort of. I'm Ndidi.

Your producer. Oh, hi!

God. I'm sorry, I thought you were a...

I thought you were a fan! Oh no, I am a fan!

But I'm-I'm also a producer! Agh!

I feel like a dick!

Right, come on! Yeah, yeah.

That's it so far. Seamus O'Hannigan's TV show.

It's fucking amazing! When can I tweet about it?

We're officially announcing at noon. And there's been a change

in location too. I don't know if your agent's told you.

No? We're broadcasting from somewhere

a bit different from the norm. It's really exciting.

Somewhere you know very well. Begins with an I.

Islington! Woo! I won't even need a driver!

No, no, no, no Ireland. Northern Ireland.

Belfast, to be precise.

Belfast? We thought you'd be happy.

Isn't that where you're from? Um...

Well, my-my mum was, yeah, but I...

I haven't been back for years.

It's not ideal, but you only have to be there one or two days a week.

We're under pressure to produce more content from outside London.

It was Belfast or Cardiff, so we thought with your background-

This is good. I'm... No, I'm-I'm happy.

Give me a chance to...

"get back in touch wit' me roots".

Damaged goods.

Janet?

I'll keep this brief, Janet. You'll keep what brief?

What I'm about to say to you. What are you about to say?

I'm about to say it if you'll let me speak-

Oh, I wouldn't call this brief. Stop it!

Stop everything you're doing.

The swearing, lateness, stealing-I don't swear.

You swore at Jason. He provoked me.

Why, what did he say? "Good morning"

So, he said "good morning" and you said...

"Suck a fucking dick"? Who says "good morning" anyway?

I mean, what does he think he is? A fucking Disney princess?!

He's lucky I didn't punch him. Janet, I do not enjoy firing people.

But if you keep going like this- Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'll stop it.

I'll stop everything. Yeah. Take the rest of the day off.

Come in tomorrow with a new attitude. I'll do it tonight.

Do what?

How's your mental health these days?

Suck a fucking dick, Philip.

The issue of setting up a truth and Reconciliation Commission...

The visiting group of senators will be talking to the leaders

of all the main parties to try to find a way forward...

Join me, Seamus O'Hannigan, for a brand-new current affairs show

broadcasting live from Belfast this Sunday.

This Sunday with Seamus O'Hannigan.

We'll be talking to the UK's leading politicians and asking them

the questions you want answered. So join us this Sunday for

This Sunday with Seamus O'Hannigan, with me, Seamus O'Hannigan.

Cut! It's a bit repetitive isn't it?

Yeah... A few too many "This Sundays".

Yeah. And too many "Seamus O'Hannigans"?

Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, maybe.

Ndidi. Yeah?

Ndidi? Yeah.

Er... Sorry. Thanks.

Are these... Are these new pages?

I thought you'd missed some important points. / Yeah.

Let's not bring up suicide, shall we?

We don't want to lose our audience in the first week.

Northern Ireland has one of the highest suicide rates in the UK.

I thought we should at least- Look, I get it Ndidi. You're...

keen to make a mark. But, um, hey,

I've been doing this a long time. So, let me try something, OK?

What is unemployment?

Wikipedia defines unemployment as "the situation of actively

looking for employment whilst not currently being employed".

Like these "lads" you see standing next me.

Here, in this divided city, still reeling

from the collective national trauma

of the conflict known as "The Troubles".

You can sense the legacy of violence

still resting on their young shoulders.

Now, to you or I they may seem desperate,

dangerous, criminal, even.

Hello! / Fuck off. These young men...

Dickhead. Seek only one thing...

Hope.

Jesus fucking Christ! Who are you calling dangerous?

I wasn't actually calling you-God! Everyone calm down.

No! Stop it!

We have permission to film! Blah!

Help! Jesus!

Please, get off him! Call the police!

Leave me alone! Leave me alone!

Help!

Seamus!

There he is! Get after him!

Fuck.

Little shits! Come here! Come back!

We only want to talk to you about your TV show.

Fuck!

Grab those legs!

Help me!

You saved my life.

You saved mine.

Fucking prick! They took my phone. Wait!

Can I just come in and, um...

Please, er, can I call a taxi?

Can a girl not kill herself in peace today?!

And as we enter this year's marching season,

tensions are rising throughout the province...

I'm fucking drenched.

Fucking all over you. Look at the state of yous.

Fuckin' all over me.

Of parades but as yet no consensus has been...

fighting this battle for... starting to hot up,

but the red team and the blue team

are trying to make a profit of their own.

Hello. Hi.

Um, listen, would you... would you mind if I wait inside?

It's just there's still some rather...

unsavoury characters out there and, um...

Do you wanna watch TV?

Y-Y-Yeah, yeah?

There's nothing on. Oh?

Oh! Shit my phone!

How long did they say they'd be? The taxi?

Yeah. Um... Oh, er, about...

20 minutes, so not long.

No.

Not long at all.

You hungry?

It's just toast.

I wasn't planning on having dinner tonight.

So... why do you want to kill yourself?

What brings you to Belfast? Oh, um...

I'm, uh, presenting a TV series.

You're presenting? Yes.

A TV series? Yes.

You're presenting? Yes.

A TV series? Yes.

Are you a TV presenter? Yeah.

Fuck off! That was quite sore actually.

Are you famous? Er, well kind of.

Ow. Could you stop hitting me please?

Fuck! A famous TV presenter!

In my kitchen!

Do you really not know who I am? No.

I thought you did the way you were looking at me in the bedroom.

I wasn't looking at you in the bedroom. / You were.

You were looking at me in the mirror. / I don't know what you're talking about.

If anything, you were looking at me. How would you know

I was looking at you unless you were looking at me?

What's your TV show called? Uh, it's called

This Sunday with Seamus O'Hannigan. Who's Seamus O'Hannigan?

Well, I am. Oh.

What other TV shows have you presented? / Uh...

Well... Well, technically...

OK, I came from radio-You're not actually a TV presenter.

Well, I mean I've guest presented things.

I've been a panellist on other shows.

What kind of shows? The Politics Hour.

Never heard of it. Politics Today?

Nope. The Political Notebook?

I don't really follow politics. That's probably why you haven't heard of me.

Probably cos you're not really famous. / But I am quite famous.

But not famous like Charlotte Crosby or Stacey Solomon. / Who are they?

Geordie Shore? Who's Geordie Shore?

Oh no, don't worry, don't worry, I-I'll look them up.

Oh, fucking hell, my phone!