You Me Her

The adventure begins.

Last season on "You Me Her"...

Carmen: You do remember we're having everybody over

for the game tomorrow, right?

The point is... are you bringing Izzy?

This is our choice, and this is what we want.

Let's do it. Emma: We have some very exciting news.

We're together! We're a throuple.

So, you quit escorting.

For Andy.

So, you're seriously falling for him?

I'm scared shitless. I can't sleep.

Jack: Think they even noticed that we left?

Y-You don't think Emma's bi? You think she's just, like, gay?

Are you mad? Who doesn't love a spirited public cuckolding?

Shaun: You start work in 47 minutes. That's at noon.

You can't fulfill the duties of a skilled bartender

highly inebriated. when you're

I'm closing. One more.

Wait, so this is about a job?

Coolest firm in Seattle. Thanks so much, Kylie.

I don't -- I don't even know what to say.

Everyone at Pinnacle is "buzzing" about me.

Have you crossed into seriously considering this?

So, scary Nina?

Andy: I know it's fast, but yeah.

I see you, Nina Martone.

He's a love junkie.

That -- That's his shit?

That's his shit.

Uh, how about we start with a conversation?

What are you guys talking about?

We want you to have our baby.

Like, our baby. All three of us.

I feel like I've just been

drifting along and playing along.

And I woke up in the middle of my life,

no fucking clue who I am or what I want.

Jack: The house at Hawthorne Heights

is always gonna just be Jack and Emma's.

It's ours if we want it. No shit?

Nobody can make this place look cooler than Emma, right?

I'm a romantic.

I see you, Andy Cutler.

Wait.

We have an appointment to discuss

other options today at 4:00.

Do you remember what you said to me?

How you're not sure about anything in your life

sexually, professionally, or...

Jack wants a baby. reproductively?

Jack wants a baby.

Jack: I need you guys to want it, too.

'Cause if you don't, Jack. there's no reason --

I do. ♪ There is a light ♪

♪ Down through the sky ♪

♪ See the dream as it goes by ♪

♪ Past our eyes ♪

♪ There is a cold ♪

♪ Wind that will blow ♪

♪ Through all the memories ♪

♪ That we know ♪

♪♪

♪♪

Woman: Good morning.

Hi. Man: Hi, Emma.

Woman 2: Good morning. Woman: Hi, Emma.

♪ It's you, girl ♪

♪ It's you ♪

Man 2: Hey, Em. ♪ It's you, girl ♪

Hi. Good morning.

Hello.

♪♪

It's really happening. You did this, Em.

Mm-hmm.

♪♪

♪♪

It was a bright and cheery spring morning in Portland,

the perfect day for fresh starts.

Or was it?

For brilliant and obscenely handsome

psychologist Jack Trakarsky,

nothing would ever be bright and cheery again.

That's the worst "Dateline" impression ever.

That was really bad, right? Yeah.

Okay, no peeking.

Okay. Okay.

Okay, voílà .

The piece de resistance.

Wow.

I know it's not what she would've done,

but, uh, I was inspired.

I love it.

You hate it.

You totally hate, and I-I get it.

I went -- I went far with the -- with the birds... Babe.

...and the -- and the yellow and Babe. the ahh, and the -- I get it.

I said I love it.

And I love you.

Mm.

Good, 'cause I couldn't take one more day

in her house, surrounded by her shit and her friends

with their catty little home-wrecker glares.

Maybe there's a little paranoia in play here?

Mm, I'm acutely self-aware, so hold on...

Nope, I'm good.

Monday's the divorce signing, right?

Yep.

Want to actually talk about it, or is that still too radical?

For the millionth time, I'm fine, okay?

It's water under the bridge.

It's water off a duck's back.

It's water -- Oh, my God, stop.

I get it. Yep.

You're a rolling river of fineness.

But you have postponed the signing twice,

so it's fair of me to wonder

if there's something else going on...

Iz, can we literally talk about anything else?

Please?

Fine.

What if, um...

What if you have a substantial estate

and we were newly married?

But I have a secret past

littered with rich, dead husbands?

Which, by the way, I've never once denied.

We're playing "Dateline" with an accent.

First...

I'd lull you into complacency with my insidious sexuality.

Mm-hmm.

Oh.

Cause of death -- phallic hypothermia. Oh, dear.

Was the adoring doctoral candidate with the cold hands

hiding an even colder heart?

Seriously, you should see a doctor about these.

One more word about my hands,

and I will seriously "Dateline" you.

♪♪

Do you like the wallpaper?

Yeah. Okay, good.

There was wallpaper? It was really expensive.

I used your credit card. I hope that's okay.

-Honey? -Yeah?

Dave: Please tell me you hid my shirts

like it's some sort of a fun joke to play on Dave.

Otherwise, this is the only shirt that I have left to wear.

Uh, crazy day yesterday.

Honey, I need you to look at me for a second.

Well, can I just assume that you're wearing

a ridiculously wrinkled shirt to hammer home a point

with your trademark subtlety?

Okay, I cannot wear a T-shirt and blazer

for the fourth straight day, all right?

I don't want to be the T-shirt and blazer guy.

W-What, Say, here's an idea -- do I manage a band?

how about this evening, when you're driving directly past

the dry cleaners with zero screaming children in the car,

you hang a Louie and pick up your own shirts, cool?

Okay, the smile that launched a thousand nightmares.

Okay, so, do it myself,

hang a Louie, dry cleaning, got it, okay. Great.

Sorry, I'm just a little overwhelmed.

That's fine. That's fine. It's just, uh, you know,

is it possible that the amount of whelm that you're feeling

is due in part to the magazine thing?

You think you can call it the magazine

and not "the magazine thing"

like it's super cute and not at all real?

Are we fighting, 'cause I don't what's...

Okay, well, let's review.

I was feeding our two young children

when you entered, complaining about the dry cleaning

while wearing a shirt I've been using to clean the windows

for the past five years. That explains why my chest is itchy.

What?

Dave, this matters to me, okay?

It's not a full-time job, but it's not a hobby, either.

Okay. I know.

And I support you 100%.

Thank you. Okay?

Just that while you're

doing those amazing things out in the world,

you know, you got to also be here, you know what I mean?

Be here?

Yeah, metaphorically speaking. I didn't -- I don't mean --

Like, I'm not forbidding you from leaving the house.

Not that I would do that, Oh, no.

if I -- if given the option. Not that I would take the --

Okay. This is going downhill faster than an Olympic luger.

Lugist?

Here's what I mean. Look.

Be here. Nope, it still sounds douchey? Mm, mm.

Okay, it sounded wise in my head, but...

Can't imagine why. Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Okay, I'm gonna go

pick out a T-shirt and blazer combination.

I think that might be fun to try.

Great. There you go.

Nina: Okay, so far I've got