Keanu

Los Phantomas.

Oh!

Juan?

Luis?

Pablo!

Oh...

No, no, no, please!

No, no, no!

Look, there's money. Look at all the drugs around you, man.

We could do business. We'll get you rich!

What are you doing? No.

Stop doing that. No, what are you...

No, no. Look, you got all this money around, man.

- No, no... - (CLATTERING)

He's my kitten, Iglesias.

Please, please. No, don't hurt him. Please.

No, no, no.

That's my baby, Iglesias. No, no.

He's a kitten, you know.

Everybody likes baby kittens.

Right?

You know, it's not so bad, yeah.

Please, no. Look, I'll go away. I'll go away, please!

Please, no! (SCREAMS)

Freeze! Police!

Drop your weapon now!

Show me your hands now!

On the ground. Get on the ground!

Get on the ground now!

- (GUNSHOTS) - (SCREAMS)

(SINGING ALONG TO UPBEAT POP MUSIC)

Call Rell.

Calling Rell. - (PHONE RINGING)

Hey, cuz!

Oh, my gosh. You're alive, man.

How are you? How you doing?

Nothing makes sense anymore.

Are you okay?

Maisie broke up with me.

Yes! Finally.

Oh, buddy, I'm sorry.

What happened? Why?

I don't know.

She said my life wasn't going anywhere.

I mean, what the fuck does that even mean?

Hey, you know what? I'm gonna swing by right now.

No!

Clarence, I don't want you to see me like this.

I look like Apollo Creed.

Which Rocky?

The one where he died.

Oh, boy. Okay. All right.

Hang on, I'm gonna be right there, okay?

Okay.

Oh!

Can I help you?

Hey.

Hey.

Here you go.

Go ahead. Drink some.

It's just milk.

I swear, look.

There.

You just drank it 'cause I drank it.

Oh, you're so hungry.

What?

Okay.

No, no, no, you need a bath.

All right, just stay there.

All right, we're gonna have to walk.

(SOFTLY SINGING UPBEAT POP MUSIC)

Rell, it's gonna be okay.

Now, I know you don't want to hear this right now,

but everything happens for a reason.

You're right, Clarence.

Everything does happen for a reason.

I want you to meet

Keanu.

What?

No.

No.

Oh, my God!

That's the cutest cat I've ever seen in my life.

Hello! I'm sorry, Keanu?

- Yeah. - Okay.

I think it means "cool breeze" in Hawaiian.

Honey, I'm sorry I can't come with you guys this weekend.

It's just I've got all that stuff to do around the house.

I understand, honey. It's fine.

I got the low-flow toilet to put in.

I just want you to do me a little favor this weekend.

- Yeah. - I want you to try and relax.

Right. Got it. Absolutely. What do you mean?

Well, sometimes you can be a little wound up.

Wound up? How am I wound up?

You're not hearing me. You're not hearing me.

You spend so much time trying to be the person

- you think everyone wants you to be. - Okay.

And I just want you to be Clarence.

Okay, great. If that's what you want, then...

- But, see, that's what I'm saying. - No, no, no.

I mean, that's what I want, so that's what I'm gonna do.

Deep breath. Ready?

- Just... - (INHALES)

Ah!

Loosen up your shoulders.

And what's crack-a-lacking, beautiful people?

Hey, Spencer.

Hannah. A vision, as always.

Oh, thank you.

- Give me that. - Okay.

- Clarence. Give me some skin. - Spencer.

You got it, brother. That's all the skin you get.

Where's Belle?

Oh, honey, let me get her for you. Belle!

- Them's some pipes. - Right.

Our daughters just can't get enough of each other, huh?

I'm tellin' ya. Girls, right? Raising girls is the best.

- I tell ya, yeah. - Yeah.

- Hey. Here we go. - Thanks.

Hey, you know what? Maybe when you get back,

we can see that new Shailene Woodley movie, huh?

Clarence, you're embarrassing me.

- My bad. - She got ya. She got ya.

- There we go. There. - Let's do it, kids.

Get your seatbelt on, young ladies.

Okay. We got this.

Oh, honey.

- (HORN HONKS) - Really got to go, guys.

All right, sweetheart.

All right. Okay.

Uh, where's Micah?

Oh, well, unfortunately, my beautiful bride sends her apologies.

She can't make it this weekend.

She's got food poisoning.

- Oh, no. - Oh!

Yeah, poor thing. She was up all night just projectile vomiting.

Oh! - And more.

You know. I'll spare you the gritty details.

- Thanks. - Oh! Oh, yeah.

And diarrhea is what I'm talking about.

- Right. - Oh.

Great. So, no Micah, then?

No. No Micah this weekend.

That's okay. That's okay.

That's too bad. It's too bad. But, uh...

- It's fine. - Okay. Well, yeah.

Take care.

- And have a good time. - We will.

- (KISSES) - Oh, yep.

- Bye, honey. - Drive safe. Bye, Belle.

Take care, guys! Have a great time!

Ah!

Here's kitty!

No, you don't want to go through there.

Look, you just want to stay in there, okay?

She's just found your manuscript and you're ferocious with that.

So, you're gonna stay right there. Yeah.

Rell?

Just find the space. In here!

Hey.

Wow, you're working again.

What is that?

- This is December. - December?

Yeah, for the calendar.

I didn't tell you about the calendar. Check it.

The calendar?

Oh!

- Well, this is amazing. - Thanks.

You could make a bundle on this.

Yeah, I know.

I mean, I'm not gonna sell it.

- Oh! - It's for personal use only. And family.

Oh, well, thank you.

No, I wouldn't want to exploit Keanu's cuteness like that.

Okay.

You have been very productive.

- I know, right? - Um...

Yeah. You know what?

This movie's in about 20 minutes.

- Are you ready to go? - Uh, yes, okay.

Come here, buddy.

Good job today, man. You did really good.

I'm gonna put Keanu in his little nook.

Oh, he has a nook?

Of course he has a nook. Everyone has a nook.

Okay. Hey, buddy.

House meeting.

I'm nothing without you.

And at the same time, I need you to clean up

your little area while I'm gone. Is that cool?

- I'll see you soon. - Okay. Good.

Uh, say goodbye.