Lopez

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Hey, boss. Water lovers. The fuzzy one with many flavors.

Man, that's the same guy that got jumped into a gang.

I'll get the door.

George. Hey, I had a two-ton air conditioning unit

delivered to my house last night. Crane dropped it right in my driveway.

- You seen it? - I don't... Oh, man, come on.

What do you think? Do you think I got your two-ton unit

- stashed in my living room? - No, but I was thinking

maybe you heard something, saw something.

It's cold in there, isn't it? It's cold. Ooh, sweater weather.

- You're wearing a jacket. - You checked over there?

Right over... hey!

Oh, man. That dude Stephen, that guy's been up my ass since I moved in.

When I got Benny, he put up those new pooping zone signs

all over his scraggly ass yard.

Well, you did train Benny to only go there.

- Yeah, that's... - Maybe you got off on the wrong foot.

Maybe he doesn't like that my Mexican feet

- are in this neighborhood. - Stephen likes me.

He even gave me a bunch of his old sweaters.

He thinks you're the help.

He also gives me his bottles and cans.

Okay, I will admit that there aren't very many minorities...

Well, non-Persian minorities... in Beverly Hills,

but that is even more reason for you to reach out to them.

- Let them get to know you. - Well, how would I do that?

We throw a party.

Invite everyone over for a meet and greet.

If they know you, they will love you.

I don't know about that. Dad's anti-social.

I don't think that's true. No, that's true; I am.

I don't like parties, especially my own,

because then people come over, right?

Then they get together in groups, and they talk.

Then they want to eat. Then they want to drink.

- Then they touch my stuff. - Tell her about Dean Martin.

Oh, okay. You know who Dean Martin is?

You know, the guy with the arrow through his head?

I'm gonna go wash the truck. I'll be back.

And I'll stop, and I'll grab some fruit waters too.

Okay, Dean Martin loved to perform,

but when he was done performing, he liked to be alone.

He didn't like to be alone. He loved to be alone.

When he went home, he just wanted to watch TV.

He wanted to watch westerns alone.

- Wow, you said "alone" three times. - That's how much he liked to be alone.

And when Mrs. Dean Martin would have a party,

Dean Martin would call the cops on himself

when he wanted to shut it down so Dean Martin could be alone.

George, why did you buy this house?

Because it's nice.

It's got great public schools that we don't use, big lawns.

You won't find a house like this in San Fernando.

Well, then, why don't you make the best of it?

So you think if I had a party that my neighbors would like me?

Definitely.

Why?

Why must you do that

when you talk in another language in front of me?

Come on, man. If you had another gear, wouldn't you use it?

Yes, but I don't have anybody to use my gear with.

There's a lot of your gears everywhere.

Hey, Sheila wants me to get to know my neighbors,

so I have to have a party.

Oh, that sounds like a blast and right up your alley.

- Good luck with that, George. - But you got to come

- because I need somebody to talk to. - Other than the guests

- that will be at your party? - Mm-hmm.

You know what? I'll come.

It'll be great, because remember,

there is a U...

in you.

- What the hell is that? - Part of my motivational speech.

Arsenio got me some corporate gigs that he can't do,

- so I'm gonna do them. - Oh, Arsenio got you some gigs?

- Yeah. - Mm-hmm.

- So you're double dipping. - I'm not double dipping.

It's diversifying, and these corporate gigs are easy,

'cause you don't have to be that funny.

Well, then, that's perfect for you, 'cause you're not that funny.

You know what? Say what you want,

but I think I found my sweet spot.

All right, hang on.

I asked them if they were looking for a cook.

He said no.

I tried... I told him they might be diversifying. He said no.

There's no black people here for me to talk black to?

Hey, Sheila, have you seen my clubs that were by that door?

Yeah, I put them in the closet.

What's all this?

I've got a lot of work to do for the party.

I'm meeting with a caterer in an hour,

and I've got to narrow down the theme.

I think the theme is Sheila is moving all of George's stuff.

It's just better party flow.

Look, beer mugs at eye level so people can see and think,

"Hey, yeah, I'd like a beer in a mug."

Oh, and come see this.

What happened to my Mexican candies?

I threw them out; they're too salty.

So I wanted to give the room more of an open feel

so people can mingle and move.

Yeah, mingle, I don't like the sound of.

Where's everything at?

What's with these books?

Oh, I borrowed them from a friend who stages home for sale.

They're really good conversation starters.

Are you serious? "Teacups of the World"

and "The Naked Life of Georgia O'Keeffe."

Oh, come on.

She should shower in the dark.

See? Good conversation starter.

That's a conversation killer.

- Hey, guys. What's that? - Nothing.

Okay, if you're gonna have this party,

- I'm gonna invite Bethenny. - I don't want Bethenny to come.

Why don't you invite one of your other friends?

- Bethenny can come. - Thank you, Sheila.

See, she's the coolest Dad's special friend ever.

Wait a minute.

Where's my weed? Are these real flowers?

Oh, come on, Sheila. Why are my guitars in the living room?

Dude, nothing's ever easy in my life.

She's talking about playing board games

and doing karaoke.

Hey, we could download some of my band's music to play.

Does everybody have a band these days?

- Pretty much. - She's making a list of themes.

She wants the party to have a theme.

How about Unhappy Mexican? That's a good theme.

You know what? I should make a list of excuses to get out of there.

I think my daughter's sick. I'm being redeployed.

I have to go get ice. Those are good ones.

So all them times you asked me if I needed ice?

Oh, dude, and she's putting out these books.

She put one out of Georgia O'Keeffe.

O'Keeffe? The painter?

You know all them pictures of flowers she made?

Every one was really a vagina.

Okay, I put the dogs in the guest room.

This is a lot of food. Are you sure it's enough?

- Oh, there's plenty. - You know what?

I'm gonna go get some ice because we always run out.

George, we have plenty of ice. We have plenty of everything.

- Okay, cool. - Are you nervous?

No, I just want everybody to have a good time.

- I'm anxious. - Okay, all right.

- Where are the girls at? - They're upstairs changing.

Okay, well, keep an eye on Bethenny, 'cause she's not the best...

George, why don't you go relax, okay?

Go sit down.

Oh, better yet, why don't you get the door?

- Okay. - Okay?

All right.

George.

- Party's not for an hour. - Yeah, I know.

I don't like eating finger food in front of other people.

I think it shows weakness,

so I'm gonna fill up now and have some in there

to soak up the alcohol.

Wow, it's like a meat locker in here.

- Jackpot. - Seriously?

- Can I help you find something? - Let's see how this feels.

68 degrees. How many zones you running? Upstairs, downstairs?

Okay, I didn't steal your AC.

- Ridiculous. - Okay, okay.

Oh, Jesus, Jesus.

Hang on, I'm coming.

- See? I told you it wasn't a prank. - I thought it was a prank.

Well, it's a party, but it's in an hour.

- Don Jacobson. Not a fan. - Hey.

- Where's the bathroom? - Down the hall on the right.

Feed the good.

Hi, hello, welcome.

Did you hear what that dude said?

He's just being honest; you have to like it.

All right, well, since they're here, I'm gonna go get some ice.

No, no, no. What are you, the ice man?

Hey.

You moved the mugs. Why'd you move the mugs?

No, I didn't move them. Sheila adjust them.

But I think I'm getting used to it.

And that's cool; it makes her happy.

Right.

And you're happy too, right?

I love Chipotle. I was one of the first people to eat there.

- That's interesting. Do you need ice? - No, no.

It's very authentic. I even think the food poisoning problems

are part of them keeping it auténtico.

Okay, I'm gonna get ice. Excuse me.

Hey, Olly, what's happening?

I am ready to work this Hollywood party.

- Work? - I'm gonna tweet the hell out of it.

- Tweet? - Is this a Hollywood party?

- No. - Is anyone here?

Um, Bobbie, Joelle, and Stephen.