Swamp Dogg Gets His Pool Painted

Bear in mind, this is just a dream.

But again, it could be reality.

Reality...

That's a slippery subject.

"The only difference between reality and fiction

is that fiction needs to be credible."

Mark Twain.

But a dream...

no one can take that away from you

no matter how incredible it might be.

Dream your ass to Los Angeles...

land of four million dreamers.

What are those dreams?

Fame? Glory? Success?

A fleet of unnecessary automobiles?

For a lucky few,

the dream is something they can hold,

and shape with little resistance.

For everyone else, well, dream all you want.

Reality's a motherfucker.

And to survive it,

you might need to become something else entirely.

An unruly, ill-mannered mutt

that just crawled up out the swamp.

Only one way to find out.

Jesse!

How many gallons of paint, man,

do you think it's going to take to do this?

Uh, I have no idea.

- No idea? - Nope.

Is that good news or bad news?

Hey, Dogg!

Yeah?

Uh, you want something to drink?

- Yeah, man. - What you want?

Uh, bring me some acidophilus milk.

Shit...

Uh...

Cheers. You don't even know what's in it

Well...

...I'll see.

Why's it so fucking quiet out here?

Is that Shorty over there?

Whoo!

I was born blue

Another day has come and gone

In a world Where I don't belong

Another day has passed me by

And it's not because I didn't try

Why wasn't I born With orange skin

And green hair

Like the rest of the people In the world?

I was born blue

Ladies and Gentlemen, without any further ado,

I'm proud to present to you,

none other than Swamp Dogg!

Um...

I started putting out records in uh...

1960...

...1954!

Yeah, I put out one record.

I got it on the radio.

I was popular in school.

But I was only opening up at one place.

A place called Sunset Lake Park,

which was

the Black beach.

We weren't allowed to go in your water.

I was touring around when I was 14, 15.

For some reason at that time

I know you can't look at me and tell it now,

but I was cute.

So I was opening up for a lot of people

from Norfolk and Portsmouth, Newport News, Virginia.

There was an old boy down there named Leroy Little.

You know, he'd fool people. He would put a show together...

on the placard, instead of saying "B.B. King,"

it would say "B. King."

People would be demanding their money back.

Leroy'd say, "I'm gonna give you your money,"

and start beating the shit out of ya.

You know?

Leroy booked us on a show.

He had this nigga dressed in a gorilla costume.

Oh, lord.

This gorilla comes out, right?

Man, one nigga jumped up and stabbed that gorilla.

He didn't kill him though.

In 1964,

Little Jerry Williams had his first taste of success

with "I'm the Lover Man."

Black people didn't like it and I could understand it,

'cause I wrote it for Frankie Valli.

But, in the meantime...

...the record just takes off.

That was my first hit record.

It was only played on White stations.

I was like, number one in Vermont or some...

I mean, somewhere it was cold as hell,

and wasn't no Blacks.

Some guy booked me up there, right?

I was supposed to do two shows.

When I finished singing, the promoter called me over,

he said, "Look here man, I thought you was White?"

You know, I took the money and left.

I mean, wasn't... wasn't nothing to say.

I mean, how do you argue that?

He thought I was White. I thought I was Black.

Here's where we have all our parties

and so forth.

Getting rid of all this shit. I don't know who did this.

Guitar Shorty did this. Put a bumper up there.

I don't know what the hell he think.

My buddy, Norman Whitfield,

he put that up for me, bless his heart.

Now, the motherfucker look like it's going fall down

and decapitate everybody.

This is basically our work room, our laboratory,

our... our everything.

This is where we do it all.

My partner, Moogstar,

I can say, "Man, I wanna do such and such...

uh, but I can't do it

unless the piano's on top of the house."

He'll put the piano on top of the house,

you know, if it's necessary.

When I had my kitchen remodeled,

a lot of this stuff fell off the truck.

They're more economical that way.

I love TV,

so I got three televisions here in the kitchen.

Up in the corners, up in the corners.

All of 'em tuned to the same station.

Swamp's not joking, he loves television.

Look at that, look at that.

You might have seen him on Politically Incorrect...

Mike Judge's Tales from the Tour Bus...

Excuse me.

The TV version of High Fidelity...

I will now sell five copies of Love, Loss, and Auto-Tune by Swamp Dogg.

Maybe you saw him on The People's Court.

This is the defendant, Jerry Williams.

He's accused of going silent.

He was guilty.

So I find that he is owed the money.

And I am gonna order you to pay him

what I think is a very reasonable amount.

Good luck, folks.

So Swamp's well known.

Even Doug Llewellyn was familiar.

You're Swamp Dogg? Is that your professional name?

- Yes. Yes. - Is that right?

I'm not... If you'll turn around a little bit, there.

I'm... I'm not familiar...

What... what do you do... on the... on... on the tracks?

In 1970, I became Swamp Dogg.

I needed an alter ego.

A dog could get away with almost anything.

You know, he can try to jump in your lap while you're eating,

and chew up your shoes, and hump your leg.

I mean I was just doing

what they considered "wild shit."

- So, Swamp? - Yeah?

So, you're the real Dogg, right?

Yep!

Nobody wanted to be named "Dogg."

- Come on? - Nobody.

Matter of fact they wanna fight if you call them a dog.

Yeah!

"Jerry Williams" just seemed too soft.

Ladies and gentlemen, here he is...

" ...Jerry Williams."

And it's... It's a soft name.

I needed a protector.

You know how the little guy hang out with the big guy

and the big guy kicks ass for him?

Well, that's what Swamp Dogg was.

He was my ass kicker.

What Swamp Dogg truly was about

being somebody else while I look for Jerry Williams.

While you looked for Jerry Williams?

Uh-huh, 'cause I had lost him somewhere along the line.

Oops, am I getting the microphone messed up here?

The mic? Does it sound okay in the control room?

'Cause I hear mostly keyboards out here.

Fine.

- That's all I hear too. - Thank you.

Hi, I'm Art Fein.

This is Lil Art's Poker Party coming to you from Santa Monica,

with, uh... stars bigger than Hollywood has.

Because this is my favorite guy in the world.

Uh, this is Swamp Dogg. Swamp, welcome to the show.