The Swimmer

-Where've you been keeping yourself? -Here and there. Here and there.

So it's not because our service is bad, huh?

What a day!

You ever see such a glorious day?

Come on, say hello to Helen.

You old son of a gun. It's wonderful to see you again. You look great.

Well, so do you.

-Well, a little green around the edges. -I drank too much last night.

I don't believe it. Neddy!

How beautiful are thy feet in sandals, O princess daughter.

I bet you drank too much last night.

-Isn't he a sight for sore eyes? -Oh, Neddy, we missed you.

Sit down and tell us everything.

-Where are you coming from? -I was around.

I thought I'd come over and have a swim with you. Look at that water.

-And look at that sky. -You look at it.

I think everybody drank too much last night.

It was that rum, I drank too much of that.

-Whose party? -Our own.

-You didn't miss a thing. -Usual Saturday night blowout.

Same jokes, same faces, we've known each other so long there's no flirting.

-I'd have flirted with you. -You're practically a new face.

-How are things? Have a good summer? -Sure, just great.

Come on, how about a swim?

Good for your hangover.

What makes you think I'm hung-over?

-Come on, I'll race you. -Please, no.

-How about you? -You kidding?

Relax, Neddy. Have a drink. Come on.

-Sit and tell us what you've learned. -Ned!

Stu Forsburgh!

-Ned Merrill! How are you, sport? -Okay, never better.

-God, I'm glad to see you. -What are you doing here?

We stopped over. We've been in the Cape.

-How's Lucinda? -She's great.

And the girls?

All grown up. And beautiful, Stu. Just beautiful.

I don't know how you do it! You haven't changed a bit.

Where did you get this? Why do you got all these clothes on?

We have to go catch a plane.

-You're gonna catch a plane? -Gotta get back to the shop.

You know how long it's been since we had a swim together?

-Please don't remind me. -What'll you have, Stu?

We're all old bunkmates. We went to the same camp when we were kids.

Gee, I don't know. I drank too much last night.

-A diluted martini? -I'm out of practice...

...with your kind of parties.

We don't do that in Columbus, unless it's New Year’s Eve.

-I told you not to accept the transfer. -What else could I do?

I'd have quit before I let them send me to the provinces.

Well, it's healthy.

Stu, did you pack--?

Don't tell me that's Ned Merrill down there.

-Hi, honeybunch, come join the party. -Half a minute.

Stu, I didn't realize how much I missed that ugly old mug of yours.

Get out of those clothes and we'll have one quick swim.

-I'm not up to it. I'm feeling my age. -You're a year younger than I am.

Yeah, you were always pulling seniority on me at camp.

Remember how we'd take off our suits and swim for miles?

-We just never got tired. -Yeah.

We had nice, new, pink lungs in those days.

And the water up there, remember? That transparent light-green water.

It felt different. A beautiful feeling. We could've swum around the world.

That was before we ever touched a drink or a cigarette.

-Or a girl! -Or a girl.

That doesn't sap a man's strength.

-Or I'd be in a wheelchair today. -Ned Merrill!

-Peggy. -Ned Merrill, still bragging.

I've heard those old schoolboy stories. You all made them up.

So you figured that one out, have you? Let me look at you.

Let's settle this nonsense about taking a plane.

-Settle it with him. I like it here. -Lucinda'll be disappointed as hell.

I don't think that’s exactly true.

I could run you to our house. To say hello.

-Don, how about using your car? -Well, sure, but....

They haven't time. We promised to stop at the Grahams' for a quick drink.

-Will you come? -Of course he will.

-You haven't seen their pool, have you? -Whose?

-The Grahams. -The Grahams put in a pool?

Oh, yeah. They nurse it like a baby.

-When did they put in a pool? -June.

-June? -Did you get the suits off the line?

I forgot about them.

If they're damp, I have some plastic bags.

Do the Biswangers have a pool?

-Biswangers? -Those awful people on Red Coat Road.

Always talking about their Caribbean cruises and electric toothbrushes.

Sure, they have a big pool.

-Go on, honey, finish packing. -I will, in a minute.

-Listen, if we miss that plane-- -Don't worry, I'll get you to the airport.

My God, I forgot all about them.

Go on, honey, finish packing.

-If we miss that plane-- -I will, in a minute.

I could do it. I could really do it!

Do what, Neddy?

Now with the Grahams'...

...there's a string of pools that curves clear across the county to our house.

Well, look, the Grahams', the Lears', the Bunkers'. Then over the ridge.

A portage through the riding ring, to the Hallorans' and the Gilmartins'.

Then down the lane to the Biswangers' and then....

Wait, who's next? I can't think. I had it a minute ago. Who is it?

Who is it? Who's next to the Biswangers'?

-Shirley Abbott. -Shirley Abbott.

Across Route 424 to the recreation center pool, up the hill and I'm home.

Don't you see? I just figured it out. If I take a dogleg to the southwest...

...I can swim home.

Come on, Ned.

-Why would you want to swim home? -I don't get it.

Pool by pool, they form a river all the way to our house.

I suppose you could put it that way. Now, Neddy, why don't you sit down...

...and have a drink and then we'll all go to the Grahams'?

I'll call it the Lucinda River, after my wife.

That's quite a tribute.

This is the day Ned Merrill swims across the county.

Always threw himself in the water like that. God, what energy!

He keeps himself in shape.

Come on. He always ate like a horse, never put on an ounce.

-Look at that. Wouldn't use the ladder. -Hey, Ned! Where are you going?

Where'd he get that nutty idea?

-He's just joking. -You sure?

Sure. We'll find him waiting for us at the Grahams'.

God, I hate Columbus.

Swim to his house. Why would he wanna do that?

Neddy, Neddy! It's been so long.

-You look wonderful. -So do you.

I'm going on a diet a week from Thursday.

-Where were you? -Don and Helen's.

Where are they all? They're all coming over, aren't they?

-Why didn't they come with you? -They're driving down.

-What do you think? -Terrific. Absolutely terrific.

It cost a bundle, but Howie's had a marvelous year.

-Look how clear the water is. -Wow!

We got the best filter money can buy.

It filters 99.99.99 percent of all solid matter out of the water.

-Really? -We put a 6-inch lint filter in too.

The way we take care of this pool, the water's purer than drinking water.

-What'll you have? -Scoop me a glass of that.

-Don't be silly. Want a martini? -No, nothing, thanks.

-I'll swim and be on my way. -You will not. You just got here.

I can't stay. I want to try out your pool.

-That's unfriendly. What's the rush? -Okay, but make it a little one.

Next summer we're gonna build a pool house.

With dressing rooms and showers and a little playroom and a big bar.

Make a swell layout. Cheers.

You never thought he'd make it, did you?

Who?

When we were kids and I first started dating Howard...

-...you weren't very nice to him. -I wasn't, why?

Remember he kept track of every penny he saved and spent in a notebook.

You thought that was very amusing.

I was jealous.

Of Howard?

I was crazy about you.

Well, you never said anything.

-You were having an affair with Lucinda. -Why'd I get smashed at your wedding?

Because Lucinda was dancing with Roger Bunker.

What a long memory you got, grandma.

No kidding though. You've got a gorgeous pool.

I've got everything I ever wanted.

Funny how things turn out, isn't it?

-Hey, Ned! -Howard.

-How are you, Ned? -Fine, fine.

Of all people.

-How do you like my new toy? -Next year we're getting all the optionals.

Like a padded seat, a canopy.

She's idling a bit slow.

Idling?

It's not supposed to be a racing engine.

-What's he doing? -He's fixing it.

-It's okay now. -I'll get you a drink.

-It's a great pool. -Yeah.

Ned's just crazy about our pool.

I didn't skimp on it.

-I got a diatomaceous earth filter. -Betty told me.

Filters out 99.99.99 percent...

-...of all solid matter. -That's what Betty said.

She tell you about the swing joints I got in there?

Spingon's pool split down the middle three months after the guarantee.

-No swing joints. -Ned doesn't know the Spingons.

Let me tell you about them.

-They're the kind of people who skimp. -Just look at the color of that sky.

I don't like the look of that cloud.

It's beautiful.

Like a dream city from the bow of a ship. Lisbon, Naples, Istanbul.

Hackensack.

I'd like to see all those glistening white domes and minarets.

First chance I get to get away, I'll go sailing around the Golden Horn.

Why can't we travel more?

What for? We've got everything we want right here.

-How come you never put a pool in? -Never got around to it.

That's too bad. Helps the resale value.

I don't have to worry about the resale value.

With a tennis court and the planting, you'll get a lot more than you paid.

If I ever sell it.

-Right buyer has to come along. -I want my girls to be married there.

Won't be long now. Our driveway looked like a parking lot today.

Boys all over the place.

Hey, anybody home?

That must be Don and Helen with the Forsburghs. Neddy, don't go away.

-Hi, Betty. -So long, Ned.