Wrecked

Previously on "Wrecked"...

I've been looking everywhere for you.

I'm just hanging out with Florence.

That boat leaves, we die here.

The pirates... are gonna kill us!

So we'll split up, take 'em out all at once.

Oh!

- Ow! - Ooh!

My friends and I are going home.

[Red Hot Chili Peppers' "Give It Away" plays]

Well, all right. Let's give it up once again

for Scottsdale's number-one Chili Peppers tribute band.

That's the Red Scot Chili Peppers.

Hey, Cruise-ifornication, are you having a good time?

Now, a little later on, we're gonna have

the reggae stylings of the Dread Hot Chili Peppers for you,

and they're gonna be taking us.

undah de bridge, mon.

That's just a Jamaican character I do.

Now, coming up next, we've got the funkiest Hebrews

this side of Israel, and that's saying a lot.

Give it up for the Red Hot Chili Schleppers!

Shalom, my funky brothers!

Herd them up and take the ship!

Florence: What?

The pirates came here on a cruise ship?

Specifically, a Red Hot Chili Peppers tribute cruise?

"Featuring the soulful funk of Flea-vie Wonder"?

- Ohh. - Holy shit.

Who would pay for this?

No way!

Is this Cruise-ifornication?!

Aah!

I've been on a wait list for this thing for, like, two years!

Oh, my God!

Bang bang bang!

Wang-a-dang blang!

Blang-a-wang bang dang!

Oh, yeah! Hell, yeah! So tight!

Looks like the radio's out.

You really think you can drive this thing, Bruce?

Oh, yeah, yeah.

This gal's just like my old bass boat on steroids,

except her balls ain't shriveled up.

You know what I mean?

- I do not. - Yeah.

I just need a couple of men

to help me get the engines up and running.

A couple of men, or one Dream Team?

Actually, I think I'm gonna go

help Florence search below decks, so.

What? Don't you want to get the ship started?

This is how we go home!

It's just that's she's already kind of waiting for me,

so, um...

Fine.

I guess, leave the real work to the Big Three!

Who's the Big Three?

It's me, you, and Bruce.

Have we ever been in the same room together?

Well, we are now.

The Big Three! We're going home!

Okay, perfect.

Well, I will let you guys get to it.

Hey, don't worry about us, Owen.

Me and these two twinks will get us up and running in no time!

- Nuts! - Oh, God!

- Oh, my God. - I'm coming for you next.

Ooh, check it out!

Ooh!

- Buy you a drink, milady? -

Holy shit!

Looks like The Barracuda's got a second Sea-Doo.

Or a Flea-Doo.

God, they really leaned on those puns, didn't they?

Gentlemen, time to treat this ship like the lady she is.

Ignition on.

All right, Danny. Pull on that lever.

Pulling the lever...

Easy this time.

Pack, give them pod controls a nudge.

Nudging... and I'm nudging...

- - Holy shit, is this working?

There's only one way to find out.

Full throttle.

Shush! Shut up! Shut your yappers!

- - You hear that?

It's the engines.

We're moving!

Oh, my God. We're going home!

Oh, my God!

Hell yeah!

- Yeah! - Yeah!

Chet: Anybody know where they keep the extra shampoo?

Yeah, I smoked this one.

My body's made up of 99% hairs.

Chet, did you just take a shower?

Yeah. There's one in, like, every cabin.

- Get out of the way! - Showers!

Oh, my God.

Oh!

Oh, my God.

Come on.

Holy Mother of God.

Oh, beds!

Oh, my God, beds.

Oh, my God.

This is the nicest room that's ever existed.

Oh!

It's a dream.

Ooh, wait.

Oh, sorry! I'm sorry.

- No, no, no. I just... I want to. - Okay?

It's just a got to scrub this down first.

Yeah. I am also very, very filthy.

So I will go scrub down my ding dong.

Wow.

I don't know why I said that.

Okay. I'm gonna go.

Yep.

Oh, come on!

Hey, did the showers not work for you guys, either?

What the hell? Oh, the showers worked for some people!

Them!

Owen!

Oh, no.

My ding dong!

Well, nice work, idiots.

The running water tanks are completely tapped out.

So that's it? There's no more water?

Well, the pirates must've kept it at a low level

and rationed it.

Unlike these hogs.

- Hey! -

Everyone had the same chance to take a shower.

It's not my fault you were too busy

playing with yourselves to take one.

Hey! Babies, there's plenty of bottled water downstairs!

We can use that to wash our...

We don't know how long we're gonna be out at sea.

That water is for drinking.

Pick it up!

Yeah. Yes, ma'am.

Well, that's just great.

Hope it was worth it for you people.

Um, what do you mean by "you people"?

You know exactly what I mean, bitch.

- Whoa, hey! - Guys, guys, hey!

Come on! Okay, this shower thing sucks, okay?

But we can't start turning on each other now.

I think we should head down to the mess hall.

We'll get some food in us.

We'll sit down in some chairs.

- Huh? Chairs? - I love chairs.

Okay, we'll feel much better.

Let's go. Come on.

So, what's the plan, Bruce?

Well, I'm not normally one to advocate for international trade

'cause I think every goddamn thing

should be made in America...

land of the free, home of the brave.

But if we was to find an international shipping lane,

we could flag down a ship.

I think that's our only hope.

That's a good plan.

Man, Owen and the rest of them are missing out.

The three of us up here, wind in our hair...

We're like Vikings.

Right. I'm one of those classic Indian Vikings.

Hold up.

You're Indian?