Superior Donuts

Hey, slow weekend in Chicago. Only 12 shootings.

Move your finger.

Oh.

I was covering the third digit.

At least the Bears had a close game.

Move your finger.

Oh.

Hi. Hi, hi, hi, hi.

- I got to go. - Hey, hey.

Bathrooms are for customers only.

Oh, come on. I drank three cups of your coffee this morning.

This is just completing the transaction.

Once you leave, we reset the toilet clock.

Okay, uh...

Fine. I'll take this one.

Hey!

Did everybody see that?

Yeah, that was crazy.

It landed right on a napkin.

She has the nerve, throwing out my food?

She sells kale-wrapped tofu?

That's a thing that nobody likes.

Wrapped in a thing that nobody likes.

I want my money back.

The toilet's broken.

Well, if it's an emergency, might I recommend

the candle shop across the street?

No matter what you do in there, it always smells like lavender.

Just use the men's room.

Okay.

Hey, Franco.

What are you doing here? It's your day off.

Oh, well, Sweatpants and I are meeting our little brothers.

Oh, that's right, you guys are doing that volunteer program.

I wish I had that much free time.

Well, there's two hours I'll never get back.

So many kids in this neighborhood

grew up without a dad.

I know it sounds corny, but it'd be great to make a difference,

even if it's just for one kid.

You know, boys that grow up without a dad

are twice as likely to go to jail.

And to date me when they grow up.

I just think if I'd grown up with some cool

older dude who had my back,

- I wouldn't have ended up in some dead-end... - Hey!

...magical palace.

Yeah.

Uh, so, if y'all are wondering why I became a Big Brother,

well, it's all about making a difference

in a young man's life.

You just said that.

Oh. The hot girl's here.

I think it's really great

that you guys are giving back to your community.

Yup. My little brother

and I have so much in common.

We both enjoy monster trucks and mashed potatoes.

And his name is... Sweatpants?

Oh, I'm reading the wrong section.

You do realize that taking care of a kid

is not just trucks and potatoes.

I mean, uh, it's a big responsibility.

Yeah, but I'm up for it, dude.

It's gonna be a dope-ass day.

- Besides, kids love me. - Of course they do.

You look like a cartoon character

who's gonna teach him a rap about hygiene.

All I'm saying

is I know I'll be a great dad one day, 'cause I'm fun,

unlike my dad, who's such a hard-ass.

Oh, you didn't get along with your dad?

Nah. My dad kicked me out when I was 16,

before stomping on my dreams of becoming an artist.

I saw myself as the next Van Gogh,

and he saw me as the next van driver.

You saw yourself as the next Dali,

and he saw you pushing a dolly.

Yeah.

You saw yourself as Monet.

He was trying to get you to make some mon-ay.

Did you know that plumbers are charging 90 bucks an hour?

You can get a hooker for that.

Hey, Tush, how much would you charge?

It depends. Do I have to act like I like it?

No, I mean, to fix the toilet.

Oh. Sorry. I can't help you.

I got a hand model gig this afternoon.

Can't mess with the money makers.

Guess I'll fix it myself.

Damn it! The screen froze again.

I hate this stupid thing.

Just hit the escape key.

Oh!

Not with your fist!

Is there something you want to talk about?

- Like what?! - Oh, I don't know.

Maybe the fact that you got shot last week.

Why would I want to talk about that?

Because it was a traumatic experience,

and I'm worried about you.

Look, if you don't work through these emotions,

they're gonna build up, and you're gonna snap.

What do you know about that?

1996. John Deere Factory.

Dave Sikorski lost his finger to a buzz saw.

Came back to work the very next week like nothing happened.

Later on, we go to a Cubs game.

Someone gives him a foam finger, he has a nervous breakdown.

Tush, I am a Chicago cop.

I have been through way more traumatic things than this.

I've seen things that would make your eyes pop out.

Like watching people's eyes pop out.

You want to talk traumatic?

An hour ago, I had to help Oven Mitts over here

in the men's room.

Here we go.

Little brother on deck.

Am I looking at a fellow mashed potato enthusiast?

- Please don't be Franco. - Ah.

I'm Franco. You must be Andre.

- Yeah. - Yo, man, come here.

Everybody, meet my little brother Andre.

- They have rules about touching. - My bad.

Well, I hope they don't have rules about having fun,

'cause you ready for the best day of your life?

Okay, but I have to be home by 3:30.

I'm defrosting a chicken, and it has to go in the crock pot.

Oh, cool. You a cook, little man?

Yeah, my mom works two jobs, so I'm the one who makes dinner,

- and I am not serving fish two days in a row. - Oh, okay.

Well, I hope you ready to go to the United Center

and watch the Bulls practice.

Oh. I'm not a big basketball fan.

Oh, come on, man. Look, you ever seen a shoot-around?

There was one in my lobby last night.

That's what I'm talking about.

Okay, but can we stop by Food 4 Less?

They have chicken stock on sale for 29 cents.

Seriously?

Hey, pick me up a couple of cans, would you?

Hey, little guy, you look like a mashed potato lover.

What is it with you people and mashed potatoes?

Oh, I-I'm... I'm sorry.

I'm supposed to meet my little brother here.

His name is, uh, Sweatpants?

I'm Sweatpants.

But I'm a big boy now.

Well, you filled out the little brother form.

You know, I was wondering why they were asking

for my mama's signature.

I mean, she's the grown-up.

She should know better.

Damn. I've paid a lot of money

for these tickets to the Black Circus.

I've never been.

Well, I guess we could...

I'd love to!

Hey, man, you're gonna love the Bulls practice.

And afterwards, we can go to Gino's for some lunch.

12 bucks for a pizza?

How much are you paying this guy?

Too much, apparently.

Enjoy your dope-ass day.

Come on, Kenny!

We gonna miss the blacrobats!

Hey, look who's back! It's Boyz II Man.

The Jackson Two.

Earth, Wind, but no Fire.

Did you guys have a fun time?

Sure, if you like basketball... and trespassing.

What?! No. We just so happened to sneak through a door

that my buddy Jamal left open, that works security.

Maybe not the best job for him.

: Maybe take a seat.

: Huh?

What's up with that kid, man?

We saw the Bulls practice.

You know where my dad took me when I was his age? Sears.

'Cause he needed my Social to open a credit card.

I'm still paying off a microwave, man.

Franco, you just have to find something

that you and Andre have in common.

Yeah, like bitching.

You're both good at that.

Has Arthur fixed the toilet yet?

You son of a bitch! - (clanking)

You think you're better than me?!

You know, you have to admire Arthur.

He's not afraid to show his emotions,

unlike some people I know.

Tush, would you give it a rest?

I am fine about the shooting.

There's not some big breakdown waiting to happen.

Are you sure?

I got mugged once, and I thought I was fine.

Two weeks later, I started sobbing

at my friend's bachelorette party.

Oh, the naked fireman was very confused.

Why are there never any strippers