Louie

Anyway, I do love women very much.

One thing I love about women is that they, um...

You have to do this when you're talking about

how much you love them.

Just...

I just love them.

Mmm!

Love women.

Anyway, I do, I...

I...

I...

I love women because...

I mean, women are the same as men in some ways

but they're better at...

rejecting us than we are, you know?

They have the skills,

you know, to reject men in a way

that we can then not kill them.

That's basically how that works.

But, uh...

like I saw this couple once on a date, they're walking,

and then they stop--

The guy stopped her to talk in the middle of--

Like, "Hey."

So he goes to kiss her

and she does an amazing thing that women

somehow learn how to do.

and men think that this is--

this is affection, but what this is is a boxing maneuver,

because your whole--

"Don't kiss me, you piece of shit."

And he's trying to get distance and...

It's not gonna happen.

Thanks a lot, you guys, you've been very nice.

Good night!

Another hand for Louie C.K.!

And the Grambling Tigers Marching Band...

who you can't see unless you have special glasses.

I'll talk to him, but he's drunk.

Hey. Hey.

Good set.

Thank you, thank you. Yeah.

Vanessa.

It's okay. Oh-- no, I'm sorry.

I've only been working here for ten years.

It's cool. I'm sorry.

I'm just kidding, I just started last week.

You got me.

Seriously, I like watching you,

and I do not like comedy.

You don't?

No, I hate it.

I just get nervous for the guy, you know?

Some of us are girls up there.

Yeah, same thing.

Yeah, I don't like it. Don't like comedy?

No, I hate comedy, yeah.

This is a weird job for you, then.

Well, in this economy, no job is weird.

I-- I guess so. Yeah.

Married or living together?

Living together.

Nice. Doing it?

Really, though, I--

I like watching you up there.

Thank you. Yeah.

Um...

Hey, what are you-- what are you doing later?

What?

I get off in an hour, you want to hang out?

You--

Are you scared that I'm asking you out?

'Cause I am.

You're cute, you're funny.

I am both of those,

plus like... seven other things.

Seven? Yeah.

Wow. Come on.

Come out with me, don't say no.

No is stupid.

No is for queers.

Well, you know, the thing is that I'm--

I think I'm just tired.

Oh, my God.

Are you gonna be okay?

You should have said something before, man.

I didn't know you were tired.

You-- you better go and get a nappy then.

I'm stupid, I had--

I was-- I was dropped on my head as a child.

Oh my God.

It's brutal out here.

God.

Bro, bro, bro.

Behind you, behind you, behind you, bro.

Oh, come on.

Oh, God!

I can't take this shit out here anymore, man.

Mmm.

Bro... we need to lose some weight.

Don't look at me like that.

We need to lose some weight.

I-- I know.

Well, you want to try?

Yeah.

Yeah, I do.

All right, all right.

This is what we're gonna do.

Tomorrow, we hit the gym.

We eat kale, right?

Okay.

Today, we gotta say goodbye to all that.

Yeah, okay.

So bang-bang, right?

Bang-bang now?

Yeah, this is our last one.

All right, bang-bang what?

Mexican-Italian.

All right, sushi-pizza?

Barbecue-IHOP?

Oh, God.

Yeah.

Okay, how about--

how about Indian-diner?

Done.

All right, all right, let's go.

Bang-bang? Bang-bang.

Oh, okay.

The puffy bread.

Oh!

Make sandwiches out of everything.

Thank you.

And here is your pie.

Can I get anything else for you guys?

No, I think we're good. No, thank you.

Excuse me, are you a comedian?

Yeah, yeah.

I thought so.

You're really funny. Oh, thank you.

Thanks a lot.

You guys celebrating something?

It looks like you're having a special occasion.

No, no, we're just--

We're doing a bang-bang.

What's a bang-bang?

No, it's not--

That's where we go have a whole meal at one place

and then go right to another place

and have another one.

Bang-bang.

It's, uh-- just ate a ton of food at this

Indian place, now this.

Bang-bang.

Bang-bang.

Well, um...

enjoy your meal, guys.

Why would you-- what's wrong with you?

Why would you tell her that?

'Cause that's what we're doing.

That's the truth.

That was brutal.

So the gym tomorrow?

You know what? I got a...

I got a whole bunch of...

I got stuff to do, I don't think it's a good--

It's not a good day. Cool.

I wouldn't recommend the sangria,

only because it's so delicious,

you'll probably end up having lots of

sex with each other.

There'll be some scissor fest action here.

Oh, nice.

Some sword-dong fighting and this action.

It's an intimidating city,

'cause I feel like everybody here

is better dressed than I am.

Like every time I leave the house,

it's picture day and nobody said anything to me,

which is-- is painful,

because when I was in third grade,

I missed picture day

because my single dad forgot about it.

Hey, is your-- is your name really Sunshine?

What?

I was just wondering-- Are you asking me my name?

What's your name?

Hey. Hey.

You on next? Yeah.

If I were you, I would stay away from

that left front table.

Very belligerent, dangerous,

perhaps criminally, type of guys.

Really? Yeah.

Well, thank you, I appreciate that. Sure.

You want to go out with me?

No.

Cool.

Just being a little persistent,

'cause I'm into you.

I'm that kind of chick.