Little Mosque on the Prairie

Rayyan: Customs,

- Here we come. - Oh, God.

What? Did you forget something?

No, I think I have that leg thing. You know,

The thing that you get, The deep vein thing,

And boom, next thing you know, you're dead?

Oh, a gunshot wound.

No, no, you know, the thing you get on planes.

Airsick?

No, I'm serious. The thing you get, like a clot,

- from sitting too long. - Oh, yes, sitting for hours on end.

- Yes. - Dwelling on the pain.

- Yes. - It's called hypochondria.

No, Rayyan, I'm serious.

Honey, you don't have deep vein thrombosis.

That's it. Deep vein thing throbbing. How do you know I don't have it?

Um, because one, you're not a hundred.

And two: you stretched like 50 times.

Oh, did I do that too long? I could have pulled something.

Six months traveling through Africa and the Middle East

with visas from Morocco and Lebanon. The purpose of your trip?

- Visiting family. - Excellent honeymoon.

Uh, both, really.

You see, we were on our honeymoon, but then her dad decided...

Look, look, here's the deal: my mom and dad split up

because my dad decided to stay in Lebanon because he's Lebanese.

- But he's not a suicide bomber. - I see.

Why would you say that?

What? Not all Muslims are terrorists, you know.

What my wife is trying to say is that we did change

our tickets because we had to cut short our year-long honeymoon

because of her parents' divorce.

She just felt she needed to be closer to her mother.

I can speak for myself. And, before you ask,

My husband doesn't make me wear this hijab. I choose to wear it.

OK. Well,

Congratulations on your marriage, and welcome home.

That's it? You don't have any more questions for us?

Actually, I do have another question.

Are you sure you're just back from your honeymoon?

Sounds to me like you've been married for a while.

Oh.

Thanks.

Little Mosque on the Prairie S06E01 Home Again

Amaar: Finally we get to relax

- in your... our... home. - I can't.

- I gotta go see my mom. - This toast is toast.

Ah.

You know, your mom begged us not to cut the trip short.

She said she's OK.

Of course that's what she'd say.

Maybe you should see her before you decide she's a mess.

No, I know my mom. I know what she needs.

If you weren't so beautiful and I didn't love you so much,

- I'd call that disgusting. - Two percent milk?

- You know I like skim. - I'm sorry, they had a limited

selection at the airport.

Two percent tastes like you're drinking liquid fat.

And of course we wouldn't want to clutter our fridge

- with two milk cartons. - Oh, honey,

if you put the coffee mugs like this,

you can fit way more in.

You know, I have loaded a dishwasher before.

- But not correctly. - I think this is what they call

"irreconcilable differences".

You're back!

Ah, shoes. Shoes.

You're back! You're...

You're at prayer. Right. I respect that. Would never interrupt.

Almost done?

No, guess not. We, uh, we all missed you.

What? Oh, right. Talking to heaven.

Really admire your dedication and focus and...

flexibility. Sorry. I'll... I'll be quiet. Quiet.

Oh, you should come by for some tea when you're done.

Why am I talking? I'm incorrigible!

Still... I'm still talking! Still talking!

Hi, Ann.

Look at you!

Oh, I want to hear all about your honeymoon.

Every sordid detail; in fact, only the sordid details.

Well, actually, I just came here looking for my mom.

I went by your house, but she's not there.

- She's staying with you, right? - Of course.

Every morning she makes me waffles and strawberries.

Of course, she doesn't actually make the strawberries;

She picks them from a tree in the garden.

- She's not staying with you, is she? - How'd you know? Waffles?

- The strawberry tree. - Interesting.

That means she's staying at the house by herself with all those memories.

If I said "strawberry vine", would that have worked?

I really want to help her.

So how did you get through your divorces?

Alcohol.

That won't work.

More husbands? Nah, it's too soon for that.

Oh, there's a divorce support group I sometimes go to.

- They're meeting today. - Perfect! What a coincidence.

Not really. We meet every day.

- That's weird. - Why is it weird?

We're divorced everyday.

I will tell you why he's back:

to march right in and be Imam again.

You don't know that. Here, have a digestive.

- It'll calm your stomach. - Ooh, yummy-yum-yum.

Salaam alaikum.

- Hey, hey! - Walaikum assalaam.

There he is. Ah-ha-ha.

- How was the trip? - Oh...

- Amazing. Yeah. - Good. Yeah.

- OK. - Why did you cut it short?

To come back and challenge me?

- Nice to see you too, Baber. - He thinks you want your old job back.

Baber, you've been Imam. I've been Imam. We don't need to go through that again.

- Say what you mean. - I mean you should stay Imam.

Meaning?

- Meaning: you should stay Imam. - I'm glad to hear that,

because him and I, we have a little running/backgammon tournament going on.

Mostly backgammon. Very little running.

So you two are getting along?

No, no, no, we just agree to disagree.

I must say, it's working out surprisingly well.

I understand that he will be thrown into hellfire forever.

And you, my friend, will burn in the fires of hell.

Wow, this is wrong on so many levels,

so I'm gonna leave you now. Catch you later, guys.

So, what do you think of this "I'm fine not being Imam" nonsense?

Uh...

Yeah, I think you need to watch him like a hawk.

- Yeah. I'll get my binoculars. - Go get your binoculars.

Rayyan: I thought you said you were staying at Ann's.

I tried, but you have no idea what it was like.

The dancing, the drinking, the screaming.

It was even worse when she had people over.

But here, with all the memories?

I love your dad, but he could drive a person crazy.

You said "love", not "loved". You're not over it.

You're still wearing your wedding ring.

I'm fine. At night

I get to watch all the late- night TV your father hated.

Hey, if you want to know anything about home gyms,

ultra-light vacuums, Hijammies...

- What are Hijammies? - Part hijab, part jammy, all comfy.

You know, Mom, if you're not sleeping, insomnia is a sign of depression.

Rayyan, do I look depressed?

Ann told me about this divorce support group.

Listening to those sad stories would probably just make me

- even lonelier. - Just come and stay with us.

Grown-ups do not live with their mothers...

Except for your father, of course.

- Just till you get back on your feet. - I'm on my feet,

And my feet are staying right here.

If you don't come and move in with me, I'm moving in with you.

That is no way to start a marriage.

OK, great, so you'll come move in with us,

and we'll go check out the divorce support group together.

No one will have any idea

- as to what I am up to. - Oh, yeah, you blend right in.

I have been waiting half an hour to talk to my Imam.

It's due to the extreme business of my schedule.

Very busy, very busy.

- Why do you have binoculars? - Omar, you cannot presume

to understand the complexity of an Imam and his many insecurities... duties!

Omar, you know, my office is always open,

if you want to... bat for the other team.

I mean... the other religion.

He could be a while. Get a sandwich or something.

This is so awkward. We know everyone here.

Rayyan, Rayyan. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

- You're not divorced, are you? - No, of course not.

Oh, phew! 'Cause that would be devastating

and I would not try to take advantage of that at all.

I'm here to support my mom.

All right, everyone, gather around, gather around.

Make yourselves at home... though you can't stay here.

Hey, guys. Karl here.

Long-time divorcee, first-time divorce-counsellor.

Let us all open our hearts to the new

and the now. That means say hi.

All: Hi, Karl.

- Welcome to our SAADD meeting. - It's not sad yet.

S- A-A-D-D. Surviving After A Devastating Divorce.

Still, that sounds depressing.

No, it's SAADD with two A's and two D's. It's not even a real word.

Let's get started. Sarah,

I find it super interesting that you mention being depressed.

No, that's not what I said.

But it's what I heard, so you need to respect that.

Is it possible you're in a state of denial?

Sarah, Rayyan, this is a safe place.

A haven, if you will. A harbour in the sea of life.

- A nest... - We get it! "'Nkay?"

Well, excuse me for living!

I like to emphasize for clarity. Nothing you say leaves this room.

Oh, he's not kidding. Nate's story

about dressing up like a superhero

for three years after his parents' divorce...

He was 22!

But we only make fun of him in here.

Right. Sarah, what would you like to share with us