Masters of Horror

It smells good, mom.

Ribs? Three times this month, according to my chart.

He keeps a chart.

Watching my protein intake, as suggested by the FDA.

I'll say grace.

For this delicious meal, ribs in particular,

we thank the Lord for His love and grace. Amen.

- Amen. - Amen.

Damn. It's bad this year. It's early.

I know. Wind's a bear.

All the guys down at work gettin' restless.

It's a legal defense for homicide in Norway.

The wind.

Look it up.

Hey, you know, Jackie isn't herself.

She went off on me today down at the mailbox.

It's so weird. Everyone in the neighborhood

is all stirred up and acting weird.

She's a nut. She was born screwed up.

Is she still thinking Kenny Rogers is Jesus, mom?

Far as I can tell, yes, she does.

I'm gonna get another napkin.

Honey, let me.

- Thanks, hon. - You're welcome.

Kevin, honey? Give me a hand with something here in the kitchen.

Yeah.

Hi, honey. Grab the plates.

Mom?

Honey, I-I'm sor...

This was supposed to be a surprise.

Happy birthday, dad!

John, what are you doin'?

That ain't funny. Put that away.

The damn thing.

Dad...

Johnny, put that down. You're scarin' Kevin.

It found me.

Put that away, please.

No!

Kevin!

Stop! God dammit!

Come on, son, don't make me chase ya.

Kevin!

Kevin!

Son!

Slow down, boy!

Come on. Kevin!

I ain't gonna hurt you.

Kevin!

Slow down for your dad!

Kevin! God!

Come on, son.

Kevin!

God god god!

Come on, son, I ain't gonna hurt you.

Kevin!

Kevin! Come out!

Kevin!

Come on out here.

Come on, son, I ain't gonna hurt you.

Don't you hide on me, you little bastard.

Come on out!

I know you're in there.

I ain't gonna hurt you, son. Come on!

Just come on! Talk to your dad.

Kevin! You get out here right now!

You're startin' to piss me off, you little bastard.

Kevin!

Kevin! You get out here right now!

Just come on out.

Come on, talk to me.

Come on, Kevin! Just come on! Talk to your dad!

Son?

Kevin?

Kevin.

I never knew what it was that got to him...

or that killed him.

There wasn't much left in me after that night.

But everybody I ever met has a wound one way or the other.

Thing is, you gotta sew it up good and tight.

Otherwise, it'll just keep opening.

Then one day you'll bleed to death.

Hey, man, what if he sings?

I mean, Mickey sang, right, so...

I think he just talks in that high-pitched voice, you know?

No, I think Mickey sings, man.

I think he serenaded Minnie.

And women love that, too. Even mouse women.

That's the power of friggin' song.

I wouldn't have him sing if I was you. I don't know, it just sounds superfluous.

Okay, okay, I see that. But if Mickey doesn't sing, then Nicky the rat could.

And that would make a difference, you know. It would give him his own persona.

I wouldn't. Just being honest.

Look at this. Look at this.

If I could give this to Steve jobs at that pixie company

that does all those big animation movies,

Nicky's gonna be huge, man.

Yeah, maybe.

People love Nicky. Hell, Mikey likes him.

Especially if he sings, right?

I don't know about the singing part.

Here's the whole thing about Nicky. I don't know if I ever told you this.

He is a pure spirit in a world gone mad. Did I ever tell you that?

Yeah, you probably did at one point or another.

Hey, what are you doin' for your birthday this weekend?

I got you a portable DVD player.

It was meant to be a surprise, but...

Well, I appreciate that, I do,

but you know I don't celebrate.

Come on.

You know, if it was me, I'd sell the place.

It's a bad idea, living in a house where your old man...

I know what happened, Strauss.

I'm just sayin' maybe it's time to move, you know, get back together with Dina.

You gotta miss her and Mikey, that's all I'm sayin'.

That's it, roll the credits, the end.

That house is all I got left of the family.

There ain't enough paint in the world.

- Morning, Charity. - Hey, good morning, sheriff.

Nicky didn't...

- Hey, buddy. - Hi, dad.

- How are you? - Hi, dad.

No. No no no, alone.

No, I'm at the wizard.

I already had my hot dog and a burger, too. You want my onion rings?

I already put ketchup on them. I have to go play.

- I... - I'll take 'em right here.

You hand out food, he's gonna grab it.

- I got you something. - What is it?

Well,

that is a compass.

You see that red arrow?

That always points north. That's where Santa Claus lives.

Awesome.

So you keep an eye on him, all right?

- All right. - Where's your momma?

Okay.

You're late. You all take the scenic route?

Let's see. Swiss for Derrik.

Jack and extra tomatoes for my darling husband.

Thank you, ma'am.

The slaw machine's having a cow, so you each get a stick of celery.

Try to contain your excitement.

You gotta be kidding me.

He said what?

Okay. Next time, just don't tell him.

Now, that's good.

Now it's early. Not even March yet.

Yes, weird weather all around.

People aren't feelin' too good in town.

Not sleepin' well.

It's the flu. It's like clockwork.

So Oliver thought he had a heart attack last night?

He didn't have a heart attack.

What he had was one too many double Wallys.

Oh, Dina, I gotta ask you a question.

Mickey mouse sang, right?

- Um, no. - No?

Are you sure? A ballad? An opera?

Something like that?

Look, Mikey watches cartoons around the clock, Strauss,

which makes me an expert on what every major cartoon character

does or has ever done for the last 75 years.

Unfortunately for me.

Well, Nicky the rat does sing.

Oh, hi, father, how you doin'?

Hey. How y'all doin'?

I know it's the anniversary in a few days.

And, uh, well,

pain likes people that's vulnerable,

kinda comes by uninvited, you know? And, uh,

you're gettin' to be the age your daddy and grandpa was when they passed, so...

Well, if you ever feel lonely,

God's a good listener.

'Cause the devil can sneak upon a man, you hear me?

Father Tulli, I'm sorry to interrupt.

Could I steal my husband for a second?

- You betcha. - Thanks.

See you in church.

How you doin', father?

Thanks for that.

He's just bored.

Not enough sin in this town.

Well, that's the way I like it.

Mikey sure looks a lot better.

I know. Sniffles. No biggie.

I told ya.

You did?

The phone, last night, you and me.

Yeah, I was just...

This time of year, I just...

You know, I've never met anyone who could live with either one of us.

You know that, right?

That your way of sayin' we should be back together?

Oh, Christ, Dina. It's been three months.

You know, it just...

just seems unnatural. I don't know.

How can you live in that trailer?

No cameras. No monitors.

Oh, it's the house.