Miracle Mile

I never really saw the big picture before...

not until today.

Love can sure spin your head around.

God, where do you begin?

The universe was created fifteen billion years ago...

in a tremendous burst of pure energy.

The matter spreading from this big bang...

became the galaxies.

Our sun and planets were formed...

from swirling clouds of star stuff...

over five billion years ago.

It took billions more years...

for the first life to be created...

in the primordial stew of earth's atmosphere.

Life slowly evolved.

One-celled organisms learned to reproduce...

and became more complex.

At first clinging to the ocean floor...

then developing locomotion and sight.

Hundreds of millions of years ago...

our primitive ancestors crawled up on the shore.

Amphibians gave way to reptiles...

who ruled the earth for millions of years.

Then came warm-blooded mammals.

Man evolved in the last few million years.

It took tens of thousands of years...

for civilization as we know it to reach the modern era.

And it took thirty years...

for Harry Washello to find the right girl.

You guys better brush your teeth...

or that could be you in ten thousand years.

You guys want to put a dollar in here?

OK. Here you go. One for each of us.

Just take it and put it in the kitty's nice little... ow!

...from the ice.

They cut off a piece of it...

and they thawed it out, cooked it up, and they ate it.

Yeah, I know. They made this frozen woolly mammoth stew.

This is my field trip, young man.

That's five even. Yeah?

I don't need a bag. Thank you.

My one in a million girl, and I let her slip away.

I felt so bad I could've jumped into the Tar Pits.

I thought I'd never see her again.

-Well, hello. -Hi.

Fate is a funny thing.

We must've been meant to be together, Julie and I.

They're so cramped.

I can't eat these guys.

I guess we're going to have to take all of them, but to go.

I'd like you to fly them back to Maine and set them free, OK?

- How much would that cost? - Twelve hundred bucks.

Twelve hundred dollars?

I think I've always been a romantic kind of guy.

I just never had someone to be romantic with before.

It was just like it's supposed to be.

I mean, for me to find a girl my age who actually knows...

who Dicky Wells and Vernon Brown were...

there has to be a cosmic plan of some sort.

Tell me that they aren't bad.

She's a very hip girl, but a little old-fashioned.

The way she brought her grandfather Ivan...

to see me play...

like that trolley we toured the Miracle Mile in...

it's just a little out of time.

I think it's time for a change.

Maybe I should stop trying to be the king...

of the Glenn Miller impersonators...

take a teaching gig around here at some junior high...

see if there's a vacancy in Julie's building.

A lot of yuppies moving into Park La Brea these days.

I've been here thirty-five years.

Which building do you guys live in?

I live over there, and, Julie, she lives...

I live in another one.

Oh, can I buy you kids a tube steak?

- Not for me. - Well, yeah, sure.

A little mustard and some sauerkraut?

- Got it. - Great.

Too bad you have to leave town.

Ohh, it's too bad you have to work tonight.

Only until midnight.

Well, I'm game. Do you like to dance?

No. I love to dance.

Don't be embarrassed, hon. Give me an intro.

Harry Washello.

Lucy Peters, Julie's grandmother.

- You play slide trombone? - Yes, ma'am.

I told Harry all about your health food casserole.

Why don't you go on and heat it up...

upstairs, and we'll meet you up there?

Well, honey.

Julie, what about the old tube steaks?

Grandma.

I'm sorry.

Hey, what's the story?

They haven't spoken to each other in fifteen years.

They still love each other as much as anyone ever did.

It must've been a hell of a fight, huh?

They can't even remember what it's about.

Stupid pride!

It breaks my heart.

We better go check him out.

Well, time to sling hash.

Well, why don't I come in, sit down, guzzle some coffee?

And watch me work? No way.

- Come on. - No.

No. You go back to your hotel...

you clean your spit valve, and take a nap...

because you're going to need all your energy tonight.

I think I'm gonna head back and take a nap.

15.

Third date, Harry, I'm going to screw your eyes blue.

Yep. Just your basic old-fashioned girl.

Julie Washello.

Julie, Julie, Julie.

Nothing?

3:45.

Finally meet the right girl, and you blow it.

Real good, Harry. Shit.

I'm only three and a half hours late.

That shouldn't be a problem.

Robot demons!

You can backstroke in a vat of dragon piss...

for all I care about it, ma'am.

Not me. Not spongy.

This used to be Romeo's Time Square.

You into barbecue? I own a little place down on Crenshaw.

Best barbecued ribs in town.

Julie here?

I've eaten my way up and down Crenshaw.

Mel's Rib Hutch.

Honey, Hogly Pogly's Tyler Texas Barbecue...

in Panorama City is tops.

Panorama City? Where the hell is that?

Morning, Harry. You just missed her.

My alarm didn't go off.

The power went out in the hotel.

Really.

- So, was she upset? - Wouldn't you be?

Yeah. Listen, you got her phone number?

It's in the book.

Come on.

It's under Lucy Peters...

but I wouldn't wake her right now if I were you.

Are you eating something?

Yeah. I'll have that gyro and eggs and some coffee.

I had the nastiest dream about her the other night.

- Oh, yeah? What's she do? - Almost everything.

I meant for a living, Harlan.

I don't know. She's some kind of stockbroker broad.

Shh. Here she comes.

- Morning. - Good morning, Fred.

Here's your coffee.

She's got old Fred wrapped around her finger, don't she?

Shut up, will you, Harlan? Jesus.

You've reached the Peters household.

Please leave a message at the sound of the beep.

Julie, it's Harry. Are you there?

Listen, I'm really sorry about this...

but it's not what you might think.

My alarm didn't go off. It's the truth.

The power went out in the hotel, and I just slept right through.

So, well, it's 4:00 here at Johnie's, and...

listen, if you want to come on down...

and we'll go out for a little champagne breakfast...

or something, it would be great.

Otherwise, I guess I'll call you tomorrow...

and, listen, I'm really, really sorry about this.

Good night.

Dad, it's me, Chip. How come the phone was busy just now?

Jesus. Look. I had to wake you, and...

it's... it's happening! I can't believe it...

but we're locked into it. Fifty minutes and counting.

Christ, I just can't take it! I can't fucking take it!

I'm sorry, dad. I shouldn't swear.

I'm sorry, but this is it.

This is really it! This is the big one!

Thor Arthur 66 ZZD.

I told you what would happen if it ever came down.

Well, it is! We don't know why! Why would we, huh?

It's for real, dad! It's no drill!

We shoot our wad in fifty minutes.

They're going to pick us up in five or ten...

and you could get it back in an hour and ten.

Maybe seventy-five minutes!

What exactly are you talking about?

I'm talking about nuclear fucking war.

Who is this?

Where's my dad? Go get my dad!

Your dad? Look, there's nobody here.

Where's he supposed to be?

How the hell would I know?

You're in Orange County. I'm in North Dakota.

Is this some kind of prank or something?

Prank? Prank? Oh, God! Is this 254-9411?

Yeah, it is, but, listen, it's just a phone booth.

It's a phone booth at a coffee shop.

Oh, is this 714? Did I dial 213? Shit!

I think they heard me. Shit!