Mom

Was very sorry for the plane's unauthorized landing

and the death of the Chinese pilot.

The plane left Guam... What are you still doing here?

- What do you mean? - Well, don't you have school?

- Nope. - What about work?

I killed myself studying for the LSATs.

I'm taking a few days off.

So you're just gonna be...

here?

That's the plan.

Huh.

What's she doing home?

She's taking a few days off.

So she's just gonna be... here?

Am I really that big of a monkey wrench?

No, don't be silly. Listen, I'm gonna split.

Sorry, honey. I'm as blindsided as you are.

Adam, I didn't mean to chase you out.

Oh, no, it's not about you, Christy. Call me if she leaves.

What the hell goes on here when I'm gone?

Don't ask the question

if you don't want to picture the answer.

I watch The View at 11:00. Is that gonna be a problem?

Can I watch with you?

Geez. Now there's someone at the door?

This day is a disaster.

Yeah?

I'm sorry to bother you. Are you the building manager?

- Maybe. You a cop? - Do I look like a cop?

The good ones don't.

Well, actually, I saw the vacancy sign out front,

and I'm interested in the apartment.

Oh, great. Two bedroom, two bath,

first and last, you know the drill.

Can you be any more specific?

Uh, square footage, building amenities?

Square footage, I would say medium.

And, uh, as for amenities,

there's a weird guy on the third floor

who'll rub your feet if you let him.

I have a dog. Is that okay?

The building owner doesn't allow pets,

but if you slip me 50 bucks, we never had this conversation.

- So it'll be our little secret? - What? Who?

See? That's what your $50 buys.

Well, this has been fun.

I'm Rita Gennaro,

the new owner of this building,

and we are off to a very poor start.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

- What is wrong with you? - I don't know. I panicked.

You threw my whole day off.

Here you go. If it's not how you like it,

I'll make a new pot. Please don't fire my mother.

You're sweet. We'll see.

So, how'd you end up owning the building?

What happened to Tony, who I never saw

except when he brought me my Christmas bonus?

My husband ran off with a home-wrecking slut.

Oh, no. Well, does that mean

you'll be bringing me my Christmas bonus?

You know, I'm divorced, too,

so I know what you're wrestling with.

Do I care about your life?

Nope. No, you don't, and you shouldn't.

So, what went down with Tony, whose toupee is no secret?

He woke up one day and told me,

"I'm leaving you for the dry cleaner."

I just thought he was announcing his errands

in a very formal way.

And then my world fell apart.

Your dry cleaner is a woman?

That's the interesting part of the story for you?

You just don't see it that often.

It's like a kindergarten teacher who's a man.

Not wrong, just weird.

Do you get money from the state to keep her?

I should, shouldn't I?

Well, Rita, this has been a treat.

Definitely pop in every couple of months.

We'd love to see you.

- I'm not done. - And she's not done.

I want this building to generate income,

and if we clean it up, I can raise the rent.

I could understand if he left me for some hot young thing,

but she's a tubby seamstress

with a mole the size of Coney Island.

So sorry you're going through

- such a... - Are we friends all of a sudden?

- Well, I thought we shared a moment. - We didn't.

Now, I got a list of things I need you to take care of.

Yikes. Both sides, huh?

Can I hire someone to do this work?

- I already did hire someone. - Oh, great.

Oh.

I'll be back Friday to check on the progress.

Or you could go on a long cruise.

Lot of people get a second chance of love on those things.

- Friday! - Cruise!

Let me show you what I think about this list.

What is the matter with you?

If she fires you, we lose our home.

Hold that thought.

Hi, honey.

Yeah, she's still here.

Oh, my God.

Are you actually working on the list?

Yeah. I got to thinking

if I do one or two of the easy ones,

it'll get her off of my ass for a while.

Is that duct tape?

Hey, I've never used a hammer here.

I'm not gonna break my streak now.

Well, at least I have

a nice, new car to live in.

Come on, baby.

Just till Friday.

Hey, watch your step, Mr. Munson.

I'm on a ladder over here.

Let me guess, you're finally hanging yourself?

Not yet.

I'm doing repairs around the building.

I figured you'd hang yourself before you did that.

Ha-ha-ha. Hmm.

I'm coming up in a couple hours to install your smoke detector,

so make sure you're wearing pants.

I could say the same thing to you.

Whoa, that's a lot of nose.

Rita, hi.

Oh, look who's a girl.

Yeah, I'm just trying to take a picture

for a dating site.

I found my son doing that same thing.

His makeup was more subtle.

Well, I recently broke up with someone,

so, you know, I'm trying to get back out there and...

We're not bonding here.

I found another leak in the laundry room.

The banister on the back staircase is loose.

Why aren't you writing this down?

Okay.

Leak, banister.

Anything else?

Would I keep it a secret?

Right.

Hey, listen, um,

I know this is a little weird, but since you're here,

could you help me get a picture?

My arms aren't long enough to make my nose look normal.

Okay. I want to look pretty, but not slutty.

Available, but not desperate.

- Smart, but not... - There.

But I wasn't quite...

Wow, that's perfect.

I hope you find someone quickly

because at the rate your mother's going,

you're going to need to find a new place to live.

No, no, no, no, she is trying so hard.

She really does love this job.

And my husband loved me.

Things change.

Tell your mother

if she doesn't complete the repairs in three days,

she's out.

But if you kick her out,

you're gonna have to kick me out.

Maybe the new building manager can let you live with them.

You could be like the cat that comes with the apartment.

No, no, she's gonna do it. You'll see.

She's not nearly as incompetent as you might think.

Was that the light?

I'm adding it to the list.

Oh!

Is she gone?

Where'd you come from?

I saw her car out front, so I snuck around back.

Corn dog?

Ah, look at this.

"Take pictures of work when you're finished and send to me"?

Who does she think she is?

I got your first picture right here.

- Mom. - Oh, right.

- Whoa! - No! No!

Oh. You mean don't do it.

Sorry, Bonnie, but I'm with Rita.

If I don't crack the whip with my staff,

my swans will never get fed.

Oh, you and your relatable problems.

You've been managing this building for four years.

You know the job. Why are you fighting so hard against it?

Oh, look who's found something to sink her dentures into.

And I already ordered, so I can't leave.

Why are you sweating about this?

Just do your job.

Says the woman whose only job is shopping.

Hey, I am at those stores

every morning at 10:00 a.m. when they open up.

I would've fired you days ago.

I would've fired her years ago.

I would've never hired her in the first place.