In Living Color

I still don't understand why you brought me here today.

Well, honey, you're older now and Mama thinks it's time to show you something very special.

- Ta-da! - Wow, look at all these names.

These must be the names of people who donated money to keep the park beautiful.

- Hmm, not exactly. - Then these must be the 1,000 points of light.

No, Missy. These 20,000 names are the women who've slept with Wilt Chamberlain.

You mean there's a monument to that?

Honey, that's just the tip of the iceberg. You see that name up there?

- Mom! - That's right. Me. Me!

Mom, that's great.

- Oh.! - You never cease to amaze me.

Well, honey, you know...

one of these days maybe you'll get lucky and you'll meet Wilt...

and then your name will be on the wall of fame.

Well, thanks all the same, but, uh...

I've already been there, homie.

You little rascal.

You don't have to tell me why them call him The Stilt.

Oh, girl. Oh, I guess my little girl's a full-grown skeezer.

- How you livin'? - What?

- How you livin'? - What?

Christy Brown, the hero from My Left Foot, is back...

and he's notjust kickin'his handicap, he's kickin'some ass...

as Ireland's champion kickboxer in My Left Foot of Fury.

- 'Nother pint there, Christy? - Not tonight, Reg. I'm wheelin'.

- I said no! - Hey! Leave her alone.

Who's gonna make me?

- I am. - And who's gonna help ya, gimpy?

I am.

Van Damme, brass knuckles.

Reunited with his Belgian brother, Jean-Claude Van Damme...

he's putting his foot down where it counts.

Van Damme, nunchakus.

Anybody else want some? Huh? Huh?

Van Damme.

Wheelbarrow. Wheelbarrow.

Damn it, I love a good fight.

Christy Brown, Jean-Claude Van Damme...

kicking into high gear in My Left Foot of Fury.

You don't know how to make no love.

Boy, I know how to make love to a woman.

I might be old. I may not be able to ride 'em like I used to...

but I can still fit the saddle.

- Hey, what's up? - Hey there.

How you doin', young man? That's a nice tie you got there.

Thank you. Hangin' in there, huh? How long the wait?

Well, see, it's two hours if you want to get with me...

but you can go right up in Mac's chair if you want to.

- That's okay. I'll come back later. - All right. That's a smart man.

Oh, no. Here he comes.

Move your feet, sucker!

Boy, you got ears? Move your damn feet.

- Hey, man. What's your problem? - What you say, sucker?

- I said, "What's your problem?" - Fine, and you?

You know he can't hear ya, don't ya?

He deaf as a swamp rat. Watch this.

- Mac, did you change your drawers yesterday? - What you say, sucker?

I said, did you change your stinky drawers yesterday?

No, thank you. You know I don't eat no chitlins.

See what I mean? He's just as deaf as he wanna be.

Why doesn't he get a hearing aid?

Oh, he can hear when he wanna hear.

If it's somethin' important for him, he can hear that. Watch this.

Now when Mac leaves, we gonna drink up all his bourbon.

Y'all better not touch my liquor, or somebody gonna get cut!

See, he can hear. You ain't gonna cut nobody up in here, man.

- See what I mean? -

Yo, what's up, money?

How you doin', son? I ain't got no money for ya, but I can cut your hair.

Hey, man. What's the wait like up in here? I need a cut bad.

You do need one. But check this out.

All these people here are waitin' on me...

but you can go first up in Mac's chair, if you want.

- Bet. I'll sit in Mac's chair. -

- You new here, ain't ya? - Yeah. How you know?

Just a lucky guess.

Poor thing.

- What you want, young man? - I just want a trim. Just trim it up...

- Take it all off? - Nah, I want a trim.

- East Coast or West Coast? - Nah, I just want a trim...

- You want a tail in the back? - I don't want no tail...

- You want initials right across the back? - No, man.

- You don't want your name across the back? - I just want a trim...

Point to the wall what you want, sucker.

Right there. The dude with the little ears.

One Globetrotter comin' up!

- Hold s... - Ouch, man!

- What'd you say, sucker? - I said, "Ouch, man." That hurt.

- So you do want the tail in the back? - Yo. What did you...

- What... Let me see what you did to my hair. - Hold still, now.

- Let me see what you did to my hair. - Just calm down.

Ouch, man!

- Ten dollars. - Yo, man. I ain't givin' you nothin'.

- You must be crazy, man. - Where's my tip, sucker?

Tip? I'll break the tip of my shoe off in your old crazy ass.

Come on, boy.

My name is Benny, and I'm an alcoholic.

- Hi, Benny. - Hello, Benny.

- Welcome, Benny. - Whoo!

I am glad to say that I haven't had a drink of alcohol in six months.

- That's great. - Yeah!

Don't fret, mon toupee. Frenchie has arrivé and it is time to par-tay!

- Come on, Benny. Do the funky penguin with me. - Get off ...

Oh, no. Not again, Frenchie. How did you find me?

Oh, man. It wasn't easy, mon friend Grey Poupon.

I followed you out of that porno shop down there on Cahuenga...

and I knew you had to be goin' to a party...

else you wouldn't have bought that blow-up doll.

- Get your sharecroppin' hands off of me! - Excuse me.

Excuse me, but I'm afraid you have the wrong place. This is A.A.

Oh, that's a good thing, 'cause my car broke down about six blocks.

I think it might have been the battery...

but it sure was hard to drive with that boot on.

Know what I mean?

Not Triple "A". This is a meeting for Alcoholics Anonymous.

What are you talkin' about? You're not anonymous.

There's Richie, there's Benny, Janice... Hi, Janice.

Get out of here! Get out of here, Frenchie!

No, wait a minute. I am the group leader. Sit down!

Now, everybody is welcome to stay, and anybody with an outfit on like that...

is in dire need of assistance.

Hey, any woman with a wig got nerve talkin' about my outfit.

Got some nerve, there.

- Now, who's next? - Jenny, you go next.

Go, Jenny.

Hi, um... Well...

I remember when I knew I had hit rock bottom.

I left work and went straight to a bar.

And the next thing I knew, I was in a...

a Gremlin with some...

some greasy-looking guy I had never seen...

and I had my... dress up over my head...

and I don't even know where my wedding ring is.

Well, I'll beJean Natéed. That was you?

Well, baby, I pawned your wedding ring, but I brought your drawers back.

Here you go, baby.

Oh, I know.

- This is what can happen from alcohol! - Oh, that wasn't alcohol, baby.

Sir, I don't think you understand.

- We are alcoholics. - Uh-huh?

I was once up to two bottles ofJ&B a day.

I don't know how long I can stay dry.

Hey, man, that ain't nothin'. I was up to three and a half bottles ofT.C.B. Light a day.