Trauma is a Time Machine

How'd I get?

How did I get here?

Where am I?

Oh, fuck.

I'm here.

I don't belong here.

I was out there.

How did I get here?

I'm there.

I'm there.

Hmm?

Okay.

Can you stop?

No.

Okay, stop.

Okay, what are you doing?

Okay, um, nuh-uh.

Stop, stop, nuh-uh.

Stop it, stop it, stop it!

Nuh-uh.

No!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

No!

Stop it!

Stop it!

And then it hits.

Waking up these days was never easy.

Especially when you haven't slept.

Especially when you refuse to sleep.

The sun seemed to creep in through the glass

as her disappointment just laid there with her

The curtains would remain closed for another hour

as she took in a series of deep breaths.

She needed these to become who she would be today.

Each one harder to take.

- So what are you gonna do?

What are you gonna say to people?

Huh?

What are you gonna say?

Who's gonna believe you?

You don't trust me?

- He used to always tell me

breathing is easy for the weak.

- Hello, no one

is available to take your call.

Please leave a message after the tone.

Hi.

I know you don't wanna talk to me.

Just tell me that you're safe.

Please.

It's your mama.

Hmm, look at all these people.

Just walking around.

What are you all just doing down there?

What is so exciting?

How many of them can really get away with it?

Get away with getting away from themselves.

How do you get away with it?

Hello again.

I remember you.

Each of you.

But I wish I didn't.

There's just so much, so much in these silly things.

Clothes seem silly, but they really do

hold so much power, so much memory.

I'm holding parts of him.

I'm holding him again.

I know I shouldn't be, but I just know I have to hold,

I have to hold him to feel him again.

I have to feel parts of him again.

I just wanna know him again.

You don't trust me?

- I don't know, should I?

Yes.

¶ All I desire I threw in the fire ¶

- Oh, thanks, I appreciate your foot. (laughing)

¶ See how it burns ¶

¶ Leaves of the trees assemble me please ¶

- You know what my grandmother

used to make my dad do?

What?

- She used to make him wax her back.

What?

- He'd get, like, those little icicle sticks.

You know, like those icicle pop sticks

and dip it into the, like...

Anyway, now he has two sons, you know,

so he's like, okay, I'm gonna go to work.

You can hang out with grandmother,

you know, your mother's working,

and do whatever she tells you.

So okay.

So my grandma, like, took us upstairs and she lied down

on this, like, table, this, like, massage table.

And she brings out this, like, pink gelatin stuff,

and took out one of those icicle pop scoopers.

And she said, okay, now dip this in there,

and we had to, like, dip it in there

and wipe it, smear it all over her back.

And then we'd have to, like, wax her back.

- (laughing) That's really fucked up.

- Yeah, we had to let it dry off, and then we'd have to,

she's like, rip it, just, just rip it!

- Thank you for telling me that story.

I appreciate it.

- Do you have any intimate stories?

- Do I have any intimate stories?

Yeah.

Not as good as yours.

This is gonna sound really stupid.

It's okay, go ahead.

- Um, I started junior high, whatever, what is that, uh?

Middle school?

Middle school.

And this group of girls decided that they were gonna

pick on me because I talked to their boyfriends or whatever.

I was just trying to make friends or whatever.

And, uh, one day after school one of

the girls started to beat me up.

She, like, threw me against a trash can.

I didn't understand why she did it, but she just did it.

That's the stupidest story ever, but it was fucked up.

Well, I have a confession.

What?

- My grandmother really didn't make us wax her back,

I was just kidding around.

Trust me?

Yes.

I often think about where he is now.

Oh fuck.

I no longer had control.

My body no longer mine.

Hey.

Are you alright over there?

I can get you some water if you want.

It's still early.

You okay?

Mmhmm.

I, um...

I had fun last night.

I didn't expect you to call.

I mean, it's been, it's been a while.

Mmm.

Hey, you sure you're alright?

Mmhmm, I'm great.

- It's a little early, don't you think?

Woo!

Right on.

Fun times.

Hey.

So last night when you're drunk you can

tell me all those things, I can kiss you?

This morning, you're close to sober,

I can't do any of those things?

What was that?

Yeah, I'll give you a second.

Well?

What?

What?

Mhmm.

- Maybe you should stop drinking for the morning.

(grunting) Mhmm.

Seriously, are you alright?

I'm fine.

Okay, keys by your table.

See you later, it's good to see you.

You look good.

Thanks.

Bye.

Alright.

Bye now.

Bye-bye.

Bye now.

Bye.

Bye-bye-bye.

See you later, bye.

It's good seeing you.

Can you stop?

Stop!