Play It Again, Dick

Previously on...

Have you heard of micro-budget pilots?

Yeah, we're dipping our toes in that world.

Dick as a private eye? That's kind of a tough sell.

- Eh, I guess it could work. - Love to do the show.

Ow! Getting the band back together, baby.

You do realize that I'm currently not allowed in the States?

I'm here in Toronto, ready to work.

Don't even think about putting me on the call sheet

if you're gonna have Wallace Fennel

doing any of that pussy shit.

She's your problem now.

Do you know what Rob never had any respect for?

Hm?

The craft.

Right?

- Mm-hm - Never any... any time to rehearse.

Never any willingness to talk about motivation.

This isn't a factory.

I'm not making widgets.

This is art.

Totally.

Dick Casablancas, case in point.

Did Rob ever once talk to you about Dick's inner demons?

- No. - Philandering dad?

- Mass-murdering brother? - Sure.

I could always see you

trying to bring that pain through in your performance,

but then I'd see the cut of the show, and what did Rob do?

He turned Dick into a cartoon character.

A knuckle-dragging meatball.

You know, if they would have made me climb

in a dumpster and track down a plastic Easter egg

that had been shoved up some frat boy's colon,

I would have walked off the set.

- Called my agent. - Technically,

Veronica and Dick hired a bum to do it, but...

And that's better?

I wanna say... yes?

Do you know why I'm covered in these tattoos, Ryan?

Mucho cerveza y mucho mescal?

- Verisimilitude. - That was my next guess.

Have you ever studied my IMDb page?

Yeah. Yes. All the time.

Then you know all 30 characters I've played on screen

have been criminals to one degree or another.

- Mm-hm. - I could fight it,

or I could embrace it.

- I chose to embrace it. - So cool.

Goodbye, Francis Capra,

Country Day alum.

Goodbye, Francis Capra,

Adler Academy Richard Dreyfuss Breakout Player award winner.

I won that, Ryan,

for Henry the Fifth.

The title role.

We in it shall be remember'd,

we few,

we happy few,

we band of brothers.

Wow.

Do you know what my last line in Mars was, Ryan?

My last line delivered on camera?

I don't know.

Need some help with your car, ma'am?

What was your last line in Mars, Ryan?

Something about Veronica's titties.

Yeah.

I'll do your show, Ryan,

but give me something real.

Something I can sink my teeth into.

- And Thursday's my only day off. - What?

- Balls. - Ryan, baby.

Are you really making a movie?

Can I be in it?

Uh...

Hey.

Uh, what... what is...?

Oh, what is the...? Yeah. Okay, so this is, um,

we're filming a documentary.

Uh, spring roll, banh mi, bo luc lac?

Uh, sure. Okay. How much is that?

Uh, $28.22.

- What's that? - $28.22.

- No, I don't... - 28 dollars and 22 cents.

Got it.

So Colantoni is in Toronto, right?

- And Lowell says he won't do it. - Nope.

Kristen, Percy, Francis, they'll all give you a day,

- but those days don't overlap, right? - Yes.

Okay. I'm sorry to say this to you,

but this whole thing sounds, uh,

- fuck-tarded. - Well, you know, you don't sound sorry.

- It's more of an idiom. - Right.

- Well... - You know what an idiom is?