Gravity Falls

All right, Stan.

Another day, another random body pain.

Here we go.

Uhh!

Dear Stan, I needed something to carry milk in

so I used your slippers. Love, Mabel.

Uhh!

Ahh.

Dear Stan, I took these

to build a planetarium suit for Soos.

Sorry! Dipper.

Uhh!

Whoa, let's not take this line.

- There's an old person in it. - Pshht!

Yeah, he's probably gonna pay with,

like, pennies and war bonds.

Hey! For your information,

I was gonna shoplift most of this!

Security!

Hahh! Smoke bomb!

Aw, seriously?

Ahh. Rough start to a day,

but it's all gonna be worth it

when I fix that light bulb.

And we're done.

Does everyone see this?

This is what a hero looks like right here.

I thought we were out of light bulbs.

Oh, we were. So I invented my own.

It will last a thousand years,

and the light it emits makes your skin softer.

- Oh! - Never have I known such softness.

Anyway, where were you?

Well, TV, at least you appreciate me. Give me the good news.

This just in: the mayor is dead.

- What?! - Whoa! What's goin' on?

Raised by bears in the wilderness,

Mayor Eustace "Huckabone" Befufftlefumpter

was best known for raising the water tower,

possibly starting World War I,

and putting town menace Gideon Gleeful behind bars--

in actual adult prison.

A memorial statue is already being carved

in the deceased mayor's honor.

I'm sorry. It's just been so long since we've had real news.

I'm just so happy!

There will be a Town Hall meeting this afternoon

to discuss replacing him.

New mayor, huh?

Wonder who it could be...

All right, order, order everyone!

Calm down, now.

We're here to choose a mayor for the first time in almost a century.

According to the town charter,

a worthy candidate is defined as anyone who can cast a shadow,

count to ten, and throw their hat into the provided ring.

Well, now, I do believe I fulfill all the requirements.

- Wait. Bud Gleeful? - He looks good,

considering we threw his son in jail.

That was a good day.

Now, folks, I know our family's had

its fair share of whoopsie-daisies in the past,

but I'd like to make up for it by formally announcing

my candidacy for the mayor of Gravity Falls!

Any questions?

Yes. Are you still in contact with Little Gideon?

That's a great question!

I'm giving you fifty percent off a used car.

Fifty percent? Fifty percent?!

In fact, everyone look under your seats.

You get half off a used car,

you get half off a used car... - Better than cash!

Wow! A colorful piece of paper! He's got my vote.

Guys, I've got a really bad feeling

about Bud Gleeful as mayor.

I don't know, dude, it's not like we have

a lot of good mayor options.

Everyone in this town is a tad strange,

except, ironically, Tad Strange.

Hi, guys. Tad's the name, and being normal's my game.

Loving you, Tad!

And I love bread.

It's a shame Ford isn't here.

He'd run and win

and be a great mayor.

So, since everyone's happy,

I'll just take the oath of office now,

sound good? Gavel up.

Hold it right there, Bud!

I'm taking you on!

Stanford? No offense,

but you're just some two-bit carnival barker,

and your head is more ears than face!

Oh, yeah? Well, your face is more fat than... not fat!

Oh, snap.

What do you say folks?

Are we just gonna let Bud win?

How about a real election?

Get in there, hat!

Well, looks like we got some competition here, folks.

Which I'm fine with, totally fine with.

I was gonna let bygones be bygones, Stan,

but you just made a powerful enemy.

I'll win either way, and when I do,

you might not like the Gravity Falls you wake up in.

Election! Election! Election!

Hee hee hee hee!

Let the madness begin!

Grunkle Stan, what are you doing?!

Running for mayor.

Did I-- Did I not make that clear?

Grunkle Stan, it's not that we think you can't do it,

it's just... - No, no, it's okay, Mabel.

We don't think you can do it.

Look, kids, the mayor kicking the bucket got me thinking.

I'm an old man and I'm not getting any younger.

My dumb brother's research is probably gonna make him famous,

and what do I have to show for my life?

Do I really want "crooked grifter" on my tombstone?

How about "crooked mayor"?

Psst. Mabel, let's talk.

I know Stan isn't the best candidate--

heck, he's committing voter fraud right now--

but Bud's definitely up to something,

and we're the only ones who can stop him.

You're right Dipper.

Besides, Stan has a kind of charisma.

How hard could getting him elected be?

Spread the word, pig.

All right, everybody, eyes up here.

Okay, Gravity Falls elections are based on two events:

the Wednesday Stump Speech, held on an actual stump,

and the Friday Debate, wherein townsfolk throw bird seed

at the candidate they like most.

At the end, they release a Freedom Eagle,

who will fly to the candidate covered in more seed

and bestow a birdly kiss upon him,

anointing him mayor.

I couldn't make this up if I wanted to.

Okay, Grunkle Stan,

are you ready for your first radio interview?

I got my mouth, don't I?

Okay, you're on with the candidate.

You're listening to Falls Radio,

24-hour news and bear rampage alerts.

And now, here's the-T Man!

Hello.

Candidate Stan, first question:

How do you feel about the American flag?

Eh. I can take it or leave it.

Too many stripes. Next question?

I don't know about that.

What would you do to help educate our kids?

Heh! Simple. Put 'em on an island

and make 'em fight for dominance.

Also teach kids swears.

That'll bring 'em into the real world.

What would you do about the crime in Gravity Falls?

Wait. Do you mean crime in general,

or just the specific crimes committed by m--

Okay, interview's over.

Candy, what's the damage?

Your approval rating started at zero.

Now it's a number lower than zero.

You're meme-ing fast,

and none of them are good.

Look, Grunkle Stan, people are like smell markers,

and you're black licorice.

It's not that you're unsniffable,

you just need to learn when to keep the cap on.

From now on, maybe you should just read our prepared remarks.

Heh heh! Sorry, kids.

I only say words that come out of my brain.

If my head says, "That lady's got an ugly baby,"

my mouth says, "Whoa, lady! You got one ugly baby!"

And he's insisting on speaking his mind!

So this is an emergency.

The Stump Speech is in a couple of days,

and if he continues like this, we'll lose to Bud for sure.

Hmm. It's a shame there isn't some device

that would allow you to control someone else.

Oh, wait. Of course.

Yes. There is.

A long time ago I designed a prototype

for Ronald Reagan's masters.

Just get Stan to wear this and you can make him a literal talking head.

Whoa! This is amazing!

And ethically ambiguous!

As long as you wear the matching one,

he'll say and do whatever you want him to.

Thank you, Great Uncle Ford!

Yes, yes. Use it responsibly and all.

Whoa, thanks for the slammin' tie, dudes.

These stripes are so slimming.

You really think this mind control tie is gonna work?

Flip the switch and test it out.

Ohh!

Ha! That's amazing!

Guys! Something weird just happened. I'm really freaked out!

- I am Soos-tron. - Watch me eat this pinecone.