Killviertel

Hi.

My name is Micky.

That's me.

And I'm about to get hit with snowball right into my face...

The guy who threw the snowball...

...is actually my neighbour, Benji.

We both come from "Mühlviertel".

For those who don't know: It's a region in Upper Austria.

But don't worry...

This isn't going to be a geography lesson or something...

I paid him that snowball back by the way...

I totally kicked his ass. You should've seen that.

At least...

...until he sat on me.

Then, I didn't stand a chance anymore.

It might not seem like it...

...but we're actually best friends.

But it hasn't been always this quiet and peacful here.

This one time, some masked lunatic tried to kill us...

Well shit. That was a really fucked up day.

I know what you're probably thinking now, but I can assure you:

Mühlviertel is actually one of the quietest and most peacful places on earth.

We are approximately...

...right here.

Over the years I learned one thing:

No matter where you're from or where you life...

There are always gonna be some people nearby...

...who are utterly insane.

Since the dawn of time there have been crazy people.

They are living among us.

Some less dangerous and some a little bit more...

And one day one of them will snap...

...and on the next day his name will be in the papers.

And then all people will always act surprised again:

"Oh my god, I never would've guessed that this guy was mentally ill."

But you just gotta expect that.

Out of every 100 people there's at least one person who is a complete psychopath.

And there's actually nothing you can do about it.

The only question that remains is when we cross paths with them.

She is dead.

You think?

Of course! Look at her. Totally dead!

Nonsense.

She just needs some water and she'll be fine...

Well, it looks like she hasn't been watered in forever...

Well, you know, since Kathie moved out...

...nobody's taking care of the plants anymore.

That was her thing.

Besides, I don't have a green thumb.

Hmm...

Hey, by the way, since we're talking about dead things:

Have you heard that story about this farmer, who died in the weirdest way?

No. What happened to him?

It was in the papers.

So, the guy was about to milk his cow...

...and as he's doing that the cow's heart stopped...

...falls on him, breaks a couple of his ribs...

...and he suffocated under that cow.

Crazy right?

Oh well...

It's not that crazy.

You hear something like that very often.

Huh?

Have you been listening to me?

There's a guy who died because a cow fell on him.

So, what?

It happens all the time.

What are you talking about?

I'm hearing this for the first time.

Oh, please.You hear something like that all the time on the news.

Are you messing with me or something?

No. I'm not messing with you.

That's just how it is.

What nonsense are you talking about?

That's not nonsense at all.

As a matter of fact, this is actually one of the most common causes of death of farmers.

"The most..."

"The most common causes of death of farmers?!"

Yeah right.

You dummy.

Did you get hit by a car or what's wrong with you?

And what's the second most common causes of death of farmers?

Getting pecked to death by chickens?

Hmm... no.

That sounds now pretty unrealistic.

Oh... So this now does sound unrealistic to you...

...but your other theory about the cow isn't?

That's not a theory. It's a fact!

You're killing me.

This has to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

You just totally made that shit up!

Why would I make that up?

It's not my fault you never heard that before.

How stupid do you think I am?

The worst thing about all of this is...

...that you actually think that I would buy this shit.

Whatever...

Then don't believe me...

Right. I don't.

In case you ever die because a cow drops on you...

...don't say i didn't warn you!

"The most common causes of death of farmers".

Yeah right.

Hey you two.

Hello Kathie.

Hey, what are you doing here?

You don't live here anymore.

Had you been longing for us?

Idiot.

No. I was just about to get the rest of my stuff...

...and then I'll be out of your hair.

So, what's up?

Have you found a new roommate yet, Benji?

Nope. Not yet.

What about you Micky?

Don't you want to move in here with Benji?

Uh...

No thanks.

Being his neighbor is enough for me.

Last time I slept on his couch...

...I woke up the next day with lots of penises in my face.

I don't know anything about "penises".

"Kathie, how much longer do I have to wait?"

Hey.

Hi.

How have you been?

Great.

And you?

Splendid!

Awesome.

Kathie, can we go please?

Yes, I'm almost done.

So, how's your boyfriend?

Uh... What's his name? Andreas?

What?

Okay. To be honest...

...I don't know how he's doing at the moment.

And why is that?

Because we are on a break.

A break?

Really?

Am I sensing a relationship crisis?

Figures you would say something like that.

What? I'm just asking?

And why are you taking a break?

Does he have someone else?

Or.... do you have someone else?

Micky.

I'm none of those women who... well, you know what I mean.

"...none of those women who can finish a sentence?"

No, I don't know what you mean!

"...who are cheating". Just like you.

Exactly.

I'm not going to stoop down to your level.

Kathie, can we please go now?

Be right there.

Hey, come here.

Take care, Micky.

Yeah... you too.

You know, we're really going to miss you around here.

It's not like I'm living in a different universe now.

Besides, you have to come visit me and see my new house anyway.

Admit it. You just need two idiots to help you move.

I really don't know why Benji and you are still friends with this idiot.

Oh come on.

He's not that bad of a person.

Is everything alright?

Never ever...

Never ever is that the most common causes of death from farmers!

Oh.

Benji is not just my neighbor, he is also a great listener.

We can basically talk about everything.

He always has an open ear for me.

Sorry, what did you just say? I wasn't paying attention.

I said it's your turn.

Uh...

So, Victor. How did you get home last weekend?

Hey, not at all.

I slept in my car again.

What? Again?!

What was I supposed to to?

I wasn't able to get a taxi.

Oh boy...

Couple years ago I couln't get a taxi either after prom.

Then, I had the brilliant idea to walk home in a snowstorm.

It was so friggin' cold...

...and I was only wearing a shirt und suit.

I really thought I was gonna to freeze to death.

But then, all of a sudden...

...this snowplow driver stops right next to me...

...and asks me if i want to hop in.

That man saved my life that day.

And I believe I told him my entire live story...

...while we were cleared the roads from the snow at 5 in the morning.

What a weird story...

Deus ex machina.

The god from the machine.

What does he want from me?

Deus ex Machina?

You guys have never heard about that?