Ramona at Midlife

Mom!

Mom!

Mom!

Mom!

I'm up, baby!

Dear Patti Smith, when you were raising your kids in Michigan,

did you ever sleep past 6:00 a.m.?

Coming!

Did you feel that motherhood

was a call to action?

An immediate call to action.

This is not the life I planned to have.

What?

What?

You said this isn't the life you planned to have.

Oh. Um...

I'm just writing about gun reform

for the Parents Association.

None of us expected to have to talk about guns so early.

Come on, let's go. We're late.

We're early!

Let me check your homework.

Thanks, baby.

I mean, it's all about the morning.

- - Mom?

I try and get up and start writing by 7:00 a.m.

I guess before I'm afraid of anything.

But really, I cherish those hours

when my inner voices are alive.

Like, she hears things?

Oh, no, baby, she's using trite metaphor.

And mindfulness. I...

I would die without a mindfulness practice.

Wait, before or after you write?

Oh, absolutely before.

It is the key to everything.

For those of you listening,

we're joined today by author and creativity guru

Gwen Carmine, discussing how she greets the day.

Ew!

- Do you know her? - Mmm. Grad school friend.

It's time, baby.

- Love you, Mama. - Love you too.

Bye.

You know what I told you.

I do not wanna talk about this inside.

Don't ever tell me to lower my voice!

I'm just so fucking exhausted.

Just get your fucking bag and get out of here.

- And stay away. - All right.

Haven't you heard of mindfulness?

Dear Patti Smith,

Have you ever found yourself stuck on a night in the past

when everything felt possible?

A night that still holds you in thrall,

where maybe you left a piece of yourself behind?

I hope you haven't been waiting long.

Oh, no, it's all good.

I'm reading this incredible article.

Do you know about Gwen Carmine?

She teaches this four-part course in creativity.

Are you the vet? Mooncake doesn't like most vets.

- - I'm the assistant.

Um, I used to be a writer.

Really? What did you write?

Just stuff.

Maybe you should take her course.

Maybe!

Um, Dr. Young will be right with you.

If you break your teeth,

you will not be coming home tonight.

If I hear the word "perimenopausal" one more time,

I'm gonna go apeshit.

Perimenopause is real. My hair is thinning.

I don't sleep. I'm anxious all the time.

Well, there's a lot to be anxious about.

- You take hormones? - No, just CBD.

CBD is not a hormone.

I mean, I'm talking about, like, progesterone.

- CBD is a hipster scam. - No. No, no, no.

Then you're using the wrong brand.

- Do you chart? - Chart what?

Secretions, sex, sleep, estrogen levels,

food, library book return dates.

I don't remember what sex is.

It's a good day for me if I get to work on time,

remember to drink enough water, and put on sunscreen.

Sunscreen is really important for anti-aging.

Oh, you don't have to worry about anti-aging.

I'm 32.

- That's cute. - God, I can't.

I'm sorry. We're awful.

I know who you are.

I'm Kiki's mom. Our kids are friends.

You're that Ramona.

- What Ramona? - What Ramona?

- She wrote a book. - What book?

- I love that book! - Thank you.

She wrote this amazing book of essays, or...

- Wait, was it a novel? - Nope, it was a book of essays.

And then she disappeared.

I'm right here.

Do you still write?

Uh, I was going to write a Modern Love essay,

but then I kicked my husband out and realized I'm unqualified.

- Oh, my God! I'm divorced too. - Oh, we're separated.

Ramona was, like, this really big deal.

A decade ago.

She and her friends were called "The Clique."

Some of them are really famous.

Like, American Masters Brené Brown podcast famous.

Why didn't I know about this book?

I'm gonna check on Kiki.

- I'll go with you. - No, no.

Have you ever heard of Brené Brown?

I think Augie's dad Ryan likes you.

Are we in sixth grade?

He had a bad divorce last year.

I think you should explore modern love with him.

I miss Daddy.

I'm sorry.

Do you miss Daddy?

Don't you like being a house of girl power?

I tell you what...

let's eat our ice cream in front of the TV.

What do you wanna watch?

The cop show where Daddy played a murderer.

I don't think that's age-appropriate.

Okay, fine.

I'll confess, Patti Smith.

I fell in love with your books before your music.

And your story.

Your love story.

Your writer's story.

And your devotion.

The way you stayed the course.

Mostly I love that you call yourself a worker.

I'm a worker too.

If you were to write me back, what would you say?

- - Hey, Kiks.

Well, I like to imagine you cheering me on

with a song or a poem.

What I really need is to hear about the undertow.

How did you survive?

Please go into the kitchen and get your bag and your lunch box,

- and let's get going. - Oh, hey.

Sorry, I didn't know you were still here.

Oh, no, that's okay.

How... how are things?

Good, thanks.

Um, yeah.

What are you up to today?

Uh, New York Hall of Science.

- Nice. - You wanna come?

No, thank you.

Thank you for whatever role you played in that audition.

- What audition? - With Jonah Mansbach.

I didn't know you were doing that.

They wouldn't see me for the husband,

but, um, they brought me in for grad school friend.

And it was weird, um, because their divorce is kind of messy.

Trying to tell me something?

I have no idea what you're talking about.

Uh...

This.

I was gonna call you. Um...

Wait.

This is a real movie?

In production?

I just assumed you knew?

"Ramona, middle-aged but still dresses like a rock chick.

Used to be a writer, now works in an animal shelter.

Like her idol, Patti Smith, she's a rocker who loves opera."

- Fuck, fuck, fuck... - I'm ready.

- Mom, are you okay? - Absolutely.

- Have fun, baby. Love you. - Call Imani.

Imani doesn't return my calls.

But she'll know what to do.

Let's go, baby.

- You ready? - Yeah.

Oh, that's such a good job.

All right, car's out front.

And, like, after all this soul-searching...

like, a lot of soul-searching...

I can finally just admit what I want,

and it's, like, such a relief to just, like, own it.

To finally admit, I wanna take orders.

I want to be told what to do, what to wear,

what time to go to bed, what music to listen to.