Cougar Town

Hey, guys, what's going on? Shh!

The guys are playing emotional chicken.

Whoever cries to this song first loses.

I've got 20 bucks on bobby.

Listen to the words.

This dad had no time for his boy.

Sound familiar?

Travis is a man now.

His childhood's gone, and you missed it.

You work so much.

Stan used to cry when you left, but now he doesn't.

Your son grew up without you.

Your son is... forgetting you.

# I said, "not today, I got a lot to do" #

# he said, "that's okay" #

I'm so sorry, stan!

# his smile never dimmed and said... #

Oh, bobby, you got change for a $20?

I would so rock at this game.

It's harder than you think. You have to hold eye contact.

I always hold eye contact with people.

It totally freaks out my gyno.

hey.

Trav! Let's go play catch.

I'm good.

Look at my face. Never forget me.

He won't look at me! He won't look at me!

He won't look at me!

Oh, everybody's acting weird.

I don't think baby stan looks very much like you at all. Really?

Sometimes the traits that fathers pass on to their sons

Are more subtle. For instance, bobby and travis-

They share the same skin tone when bobby is sick.

Can we just pretend I'm not here, please?

No. I'm done doing that.

You all right?

Kylie dumped me, okay? Happy?

Oh, travis is so heartbroken.

But guess who gets to fix him. Please don't make me say "you."

I can wait all day, so...

Mmm.

Ahh.

You?

Me ellie, it was so sad.

Last night, he put h head on my shoulder,

And he just cried.

One little tear landed right there.

That's not from the tear.

It's 'cause I just keep tasting it all day. Mmm. Ohh!

Wow! I... Wow.

This cabernet is monkey pee, but I'll take a case,

But only 'cause you sleep with me.

That's how I sell most of this stuff. I have to say,

We think it is so sexy that you're a wine vendor.

I haven't blushed like this

Since we met that other wine vendor.

Come for dinner tonight. I can't cook,

But I'll bring tons of free wine. Marry me.

Jules? Stop it!

Oh, I'm sorry. I can't tonight. I have to comfort my son.

Hey, andy and ellie are coming for dinner tonight.

Hooray.

Shh!

He's gotta have at least one feature that looks like me.

Ah, nope.

Sometimes kids look like other relatives.

For instance, I look exactly like

My biological dad's handsome brother

Who lived with us until my mom got pregnant with me

And then my dad made him move out.

I've given my son nothing. Ugh.

When I'm this depressed, I- I need to eat.

You can sometimes get free chicken in this park.

Where? Petting zoo.

Dude, no.

It's like taking the shampoos from a hotel.

They expect you to do it.

they really don't.

I hope I'm not bringing you down.

Listen, I know that you hate women right now.

But when you go off to college,

I want you to know that you will never have to worry

About a date on Friday night,

Because you will always have one, honey.

Do you know know who?

Please don't make me say "you."

you? me!

if you go to college within six hours,

I'm gonna drive there. And if you don't,

Then we can rent the same movie

And watch it while we're on the phone.

sounds horrifying.

Don't mind me. I'm just making dinner.

I need to borrow a spatula.

Hey, trav. Chin up.

Chicks really dig the whole sad, wounded thing. Thanks.

Aw, that's so sweet of you to cheer him up.

dude, stop it!

I need this.

That really hurt.

Sorry. Do it again.

Get out. Go.

Ahh.

Great meal, baby.

I concur. So, sara, did you not eat dessert

Because you've got weird body issues?

What is happening?

when andy has some drinks,

He likes to ask these dicey questions.

He calls them "question bombs," and he's gonna stop right now. Fire in the hole.

So do you enjoy intercourse with sara

Even though you once said

That having sex with someone over 25 is really disgusting?

I didn't... did not-

You're not disgusting.

Thank you. Can I come over there and make that sound with you?

Sure. Andy, rapid-fire.

Have you ever gotten a girl pregnant?

How come you don't have any black friends?

Are you worried that sara's gonna feel insecure

Because you're so tight and flirty with jules? Kaboom.

Jules and I are just friends, I promise.

No more of this stupid game.

I wouldn't sweat it.

When did he undo his pants?

Huh?

Cute for an ugly person. Ugly for a cute person.

Hot in ireland.

I do not understand the rules of this game. jules.

Isn't that travis' ex-girlfriend?

Little whore in her pink cardigan.

Back me up, laurie. Yeah.

I bet she... Plays tennis and writes thank you notes.

What? This one's hard. She's so cute.

She can't just break my son's heart and then have coffee.

I'm gonna go talk to her. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Jules.

As my uncle dad always told me,

Check yourself before you wreck yourself.

You don't wanna do this.

You know, you're right... For someone who's wrong.

No, no, no, no, no, no. Hey, kylie.

Hi. What you got there? Little peppermint latte?

Laurie, throw this out. No.

Yeah. That just happened.

You think you can go around hurting whoever you want,

But when there's a mama bear around,

You better watch out, because she might just

Rip your face right off and make you take

A long, hard look at yourself. Come on. Look at it!

I love travis. I broke up with him because he cheated on me.

Why didn't you stop me?

Put it down, jules. Put the face down.

I still can't believe travis is a cheater.

He must have inherited the cheater gene from bobby.

What did travis even do?

Cheating is kind of hard to define.

Not to me. Cheating includes but is not limited

To sex, hugging, kissing and winking.

Gray areas are mouth-to-mouth resuscitation,

Holding the elevator and dreams,

Which you can control. Andy, punishment for cheating?

Removing my own genitalia with garden shears while you watch.

Wow.

I don't think it's cheating

If you're on vacation, if it's out of pity

Or if you both keep your tops on. So many thoughts about that.

I just can't let travis turn into his dad.

I mean, I'm gonna have to bitch-slap some sense into him.

Hey, people.

Oh, hey, sweetie. I got you some fudge pops.

What? Takes some prep time to be able to bitch-slap.

Good morning, sunshine.

No, too early for her.

You cannot complain after the very filthy things

I did to you last night.

My dad left when I was a kid. Got messed up sexually.

I had a crappy father, too, but I didn't go slutty.

I just died inside. Oh! You two have so many cute things in common.

Let me get you some coffee.

Would you calm down, you big baby?

I like her. I'm not gonna screw things up for you.

For instance, sara was just

Telling me you're not great at the chest-area foreplay,

So you might wanna skip that in the future. You're welcome.

I hate you.

I don't care.

Huh?

I don't know why, but that is making me really sad.

Okay, so stan's not your twin.

I'm sure you guys have other things in common, right?

You mean, does he share my love of butter lettuce

Or mary higgins clark novels?

I don't know, laurie. He's a baby.

Andy, think. When you were his age, what did you love?

Baby animals.

See? I bet that stan will love baby animals, too.

Oh! Bobby said there's that petting zoo at the park!

Honey, I'll go with you.

Thanks, laurie. You're being great. Aw.

No, that's cheating!