Young & Hungry

Okay. Fortune cookie time.

Pick one.

This one. No, this one.

- No, this one. - Okay, how about this one?

"When asked, you will gladly bend over backwards."

Boring!

Yeah, they're all boring.

That's why you have to add "in bed."

"When asked, you will gladly bend over backwards..."

Both: In bed!

- That's good. Okay. Your turn. Your turn. - Okay. Okay. Okay.

Oh, please tell me I'm going to get a job.

What? Are you kidding me?

I got nothing.

In bed!

No. I... I really don't have anything. My cookie's empty.

In bed!

I love it!

Gabi, stop. I'm really depressed.

It's obvious I'm never going to get a job

and this cookie doesn't have the balls to tell me.

Okay. Well, you're never going to get a job

sitting at home reading fortune cookies. Okay?

You have to take this seriously.

You have to go somewhere that actually is going to help you find a job.

And where is that?

The spirits are telling me

that money is coming your way.

Okay. How is this different from a fortune cookie?

Well, she's not a cookie,

and she is a trained professional.

This is ridiculous.

I see that soon you will be...

asking for a refund "in bed."

I can't believe you brought me here.

Well, where was I supposed to bring you?

Uh... I don't know. A job counselor?

A job counselor.

Like that's not a total scam!

I'm sensing tension.

See? She's good.

Okay. Yeah, okay.

Absolute stranger with rudimentary skills at reading facial cues,

tell me my "future."

Ooh, I'm getting something.

I sense that both of your lives

are about to be shaken up.

- (Gasps) Oh, my God. - That's super vague.

There's more.

There's going to be a seismic shift in your world.

- (Gasps) Oh, my God. - You just said the same thing...

But you whispered it.

The tremors are gonna ripple through...

now you're just using different words.

Earthquake, bitch!

There's going to be an earthquake!

See? See what you did. You made her mad and now there's going to be an earthquake.

Gabi, come on. Anyone can predict an earthquake. This is San Francisco.

But she didn't say exactly when it was gonna happen.

It's gonna happen the next time you pee.

Me?

Sofia, could you take the, ah, cake samples over to the table, please? I can't move.

Gabi, this is not healthy. Would you just pee already?

The fate of San Francisco

rests on my bladder.

You are being ridiculous.

Oh, I don't think anything about this situation is ridiculous.

Oh, my God. Our wedding cake has to be this dark chocolate ganache.

It's my number one choice.

Please don't say "number one."

But I like the peanut butter.

Mmm. Please don't say pee.

Okay, that's enough. Come over here. I gotta tell you something.

No, no, no, no, no.

Sofia, what, okay? I'm doing cake tasting... (Gasps)

- (Sneezes) - Yes!

Oh, no!

Take cover, everybody!

Damn, how bad does she have to go?

Sofia, what's going on?

Gabi thinks that if she pees there's going to be an...

Earthquake!

Hey! Did you guys feel that? Is everybody okay?

Did anything break?

Yeah. My diet.

Thank you so much for squeezing us in.

Yes, I am so sorry that I ever doubted you. Ye have much wisdom.

Can you tell us everything that's going to happen?

Yeah. Don't leave anything out, okay?

And first off, ah, is it safe to pee again?

- Aha! - Ooh, what does that mean?

Mmm. My microwave popcorn is done.

Ooh! Ah! Yes!

You're going to be offered a big bundle of money...

- (Both gasp) - ...which will lead to you

having a big chubby bundle of joy

- wrapped in blue. - (Both gasp)

A bundle of money... you're going to get a job!

Yeah. And some guy at my new job is going to knock me up.

Wait. What?

Your instinct will be to say no to this offer, but don't.

Oh, she won't. Now me.

I see that someone is going to ask for your hand.

- (Gasps) - My hand? Like in marriage?

It's unclear.

But something about this relationship is gonna be smoking hot.

Wow. Who is it? Tell me!

Can you tell me anything? Something?

Well, his name starts with the letter "J."

"J"?

Whose name starts with the letter "J"? "J"..."J"...

Is the second letter "O"? Is the second letter "O"?!

Bitch, you can't buy a vowel.

This isn't Wheel of Fortune . Who do I look like, Vanna White?

Josh, are you okay?

Last time I saw a man struggling that hard to breathe...

we had to switch positions.

I'm okay.

I just... walked up 27 flights of stairs. I'm okay.

But they fixed the elevator after the earthquake.

You ever heard of aftershocks?

When I was a kid, there was an earthquake,

I was trapped alone in this elevator for two hours.

To this day I shudder whenever I hear light jazz.

Yeah. Me, too.

White people ruin everything.

Oh, damn it. I left my phone down there.

Hey, Yolanda, would you mind...

Ah! Newsflash!

Josh, a black woman going to a rich white man's car, taking his phone...

Never ends well.

Now, what I want you to do, is I want you to go out there,

get in that elevator and show it who's boss.

You're right. I'm being crazy.

- Hell, yeah, you are! - Josh Kaminski!

- Kick ass, Kaminski! - I'm not scared of stuff!

Damn straight, you're not.

- (Scoffs) I can take it if I feel like it. - (Elevator chimes)

But I don't feel like it.

I can't believe Josh is going to propose to me.

God, what is he thinking? I mean, we couldn't make dating work...

How are we supposed to make marriage work?

He is out of his mind.

Yeah, well least you're getting a ring...

I'm going to be the unmarried pregnant best friend.

Ugh, I always thought that'd be you.

I mean, I work for the man.

He's putting me in a very awkward position.

Oh, you want to talk about awkward position?

Try being in your third trimester and looking for a date on Tinder.

Okay. Well, we just have to stick together, okay?

You stay by my side and don't let Josh propose to me.

Okay. And you stay by my side and don't let anyone put a baby in Lil' So-So.

Hey, guys, what you doing?

Gabi, I know this is unfamiliar to you...

but it's called reading.

It's a pamphlet on fertility.

After that dreadful earthquake...

We realized life is short.

So we started talking about life, and we...

- decided to have a baby! - (Gasps)

Oh, you wanted to tell them? Go ahead.

We decided to have a baby. Whatever...

- Congratulations! - Oh, guys, that's amazing!

That's why we're so glad to see you.

Using an anonymous egg donor is so impersonal.

So we'd rather ask someone we know.

Would you consider being our egg donor, Sofia?

Oh, do you want to ask her? Go ahead.

Would you consider being... ah, forget it.

Oh, my God!

Wait, you want one of her eggs?

Oh, it's nothing personal, Gabalah.

We just don't want to raise a demon spawn.

We'd give you $20,000 for your egg

and you'd help us get a little bundle of joy.

- Oh, my God, a bundle of joy! - Oh, my God!

- A bundle of money! - (Both) It's happening.

- You don't have to say yes right now... - Yes.

I knew it. We started too high. I told you she would've taken eight.

So you'll go with us tomorrow

to a fertility doctor to see if you're a candidate?

Well, a psychic told me to say "yes," so yes!

Oy, a psychic! I thought you said she was smart.

Wait, your prediction came true.

Does that mean that Josh is about to...

Gabi...! (wheezing)

Gabi, will you...

No, no, no, no! I'm too young.

Please make me a smoothie.

Please make me a smoothie!

I know this might seem a little scary, Sofia...

but Elliot and I are here for you every step of the way.

Anything you need, you let us know.

Thanks, guys.

Just think, our own little bundle of...

crap!

Look at all these posters.

Oh, I can't!

If I wasn't gay already...