Parks and Recreation

HEY, WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?

- I'M GUESSING IT'S MY LATEST BUDGET CUT PROPOSAL

BASED ON YOUR RAGE SWEAT.

- FIRST OF ALL, I AM RAGE GLOWING.

SECOND, YOU WANNA CUT FUNDING

FOR THE PAWNEE PALMS PUBLIC PUTT-PUTT?

WHAT DID THE P.P.P.P.P. EVER DO TO YOU?

RON IS VERY ANTI-GOVERNMENT, AND HE HAS THAT PHILOSOPHY,

BUT THERE ARE JUST CERTAIN THINGS THAT YOU DON'T CUT.

SCHOOLS, POLICE, MINI-GOLF, MERRY-GO-ROUNDS, PARADES,

GAZEBO REPAIR, ROADS AND BRIDGES, WHATEVER.

PRETTY GARDENS, HUMMINGBIRD FEEDERS.

- I BELIEVE IN CUTTING USELESS GOVERNMENT PROJECTS.

I ALSO BELIEVE IN CUTTING USEFUL PROJECTS,

FUTURE PROJECTS, AND PAST PROJECTS.

THE HOOVER DAM IS A TRAVESTY.

- YOU ALSO BELIEVE IN MAKING FURNITURE.

WHY DON'T YOU GO SOLDER A CHAIR INSTEAD?

- DO YOU EXPECT ME TO MAKE A CHAIR

OUT OF TRANSISTOR CHIPS AND SMALL WIRES?

LOOK, THE DEFUNDING OF THE MINI-GOLF COURSE

IS ON THE AGENDA FOR THE CITY COUNCIL MEETING TOMORROW.

I'M SURE YOU'LL ARGUE AGAINST IT WITH YOUR TRADEMARK VIGOR.

- OH, I WILL ARGUE, AND I'M GONNA WIN.

THAT PUTT-PUTT IS GONNA BE AROUND FOREVER,

AND WHEN I AM DONE WITH IT,

IT'LL ATTRACT MORE VISITORS THAN THE HOOVER DAM.

AND IT'LL PRODUCE DOUBLE THE AMOUNT OF ELECTRICITY.

- HOW? - I'LL FIGURE IT OUT.

IT ALREADY HAS WINDMILLS. WHO CARES?

*

- COUNCILMEN, I HAVE SOMETHING TO DISCUSS WITH YOU,

BUT BEFORE I DO, CAN I JUST POINT OUT

HOW HANDSOME THE BOTH OF YOU LOOK TODAY?

- YEAH, I KNOW. - I FEEL VERY ILL.

- OKAY, WELL, TOMORROW WE ARE VOTING ON FUNDING

FOR THE MINI-GOLF COURSE, AND PERSONALLY,

I THINK IT IS GREAT FOR FAMILIES,

IT'S A GREAT JOB CREATOR, AND IT'S EXTREMELY CUTE.

I'M WONDERING WHICH WAY YOU TWO ARE LEANING.

- WELL, THE LAST TIME I WAS THERE,

I SAW KIDS OF ALL RACES GETTING ALONG AND PLAYING.

IT WAS TERRIBLE.

SO I'M VOTING TO GET RID OF IT.

- AT LEAST YOU HAVE A GOOD REASON.

WELL, HOWSER IS WITH ME.

MILTON IS WITH DEXHART.

JEREMY, YOU'RE THE SWING VOTE.

WHAT DO YOU THINK? - HMM.

WELL, ON THE ONE HAND, I LOVE CUTTING GOVERNMENT PROGRAMS.

ON THE OTHER HAND, MINI-GOLF RULES.

AND ON THE THIRD HAND, I HATE BOTH YOU AND RON SWANSON.

SO THIS ONE COULD GO EITHER WAY.

I'M KIND OF A BADASS WILD CARD.

- HEY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TONIGHT?

MORE LIKE WHO AM I DOING?

NO ONE.

I'M FREE. WHAT'S UP?

- CAN I GET TWO BEERS AND AN ICE WATER

FOR MY FRIEND HERE, DESIGNATED DRIVER?

- I AM? YOU DROVE HERE.

NAH, IT'S TOO LATE, BRO.

I ALREADY ORDERED THE WATER.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT ME TO DO.

- ANDY AND I JUST CLOSED A BIG DONATION

TO THE REDWOOD MUSIC PROGRAM,

A CHARITY HE DISCOVERED,

SO I SUGGESTED WE ALL GO OUT FOR A CELEBRATORY DRINK.

AND SOMEHOW I JUST ENDED UP BECOMING THE DESIGNATED DRIVER.

AND PAYING FOR EVERYONE.

AND I DIDN'T GET TO CHOOSE THE BAR.

I SHOULD BE MORE ASSERTIVE.

- AW, THE BAND IS MOVING ME TONIGHT.

IT'S REALLY GOOD.

- REALLY? THEY SOUND KINDA CRAPPY TO ME.

- KINDA SOUNDS LIKE ONE OF YOUR SONGS, BABE.

- WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT, MOUSE RAT HAS A LOT OF INFLUENCE

ON SOME OF THE LOCAL HIGH SCHOOL BANDS,

MOSTLY 'CAUSE CHANG BUYS 'EM BEER AND WHATNOT.

- WAIT, ANDY, THIS IS A MOUSE RAT SONG.

- * SPREAD YOUR WINGS AND FLY, YEAH *

THAT'S MY BAND.

I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE US WITHOUT ME

BECAUSE I'M THE ONLY ONE THAT MATTERS.

THANK YOU, EVERYONE.

WE ARE RAT MOUSE.

RAT MOUSE?

RAT BASTARDS.

THEY'RE PLAYING WITHOUT ME?

THAT'S A SONG I WROTE!

- HEY, BABY, CAN I BORROW YOUR CAR FOR A MONTH?

I ALREADY LENT YOU MY CAR.

DO YOU NOT KNOW WHERE MY CAR IS?

- UGH, I'M SO SICK OF THE THIRD DEGREE.

IT'S LIKE DATING A COP.

I'M GASSY. LET'S MAKE OUT.

- WHAT? - YEAH.

MOVE ASIDE!

- DATING MONA-LISA IS AWESOME.

EXCEPT THAT I LIVE IN CONSTANT FEAR FOR MY LIFE.

SO I GUESS IT'S TIME TO DO THE MATURE THING

AND HAVE SOMEONE ELSE DUMP HER FOR ME.

UH, PERKINS, SIT DOWN.

I JUST HEARD THAT YOU AND TRAEGER

MIGHT BE GETTING BACK TOGETHER.

YEAH, IT'S FUNNY, RIGHT?

I MEAN, WE'RE ALREADY PLANNING

ON HAVING A BABY TOGETHER.

WE'RE NOT QUITE A COUPLE BUT--

YEAH. COOL. CONGRATS.

LISTEN, I NEED YOUR HELP.

MY GIRLFRIEND IS CRAZY.

- YOU SAY THAT ABOUT EVERY GIRL YOU DATE.

YOU SAID THAT ABOUT ME.

- CALM DOWN, ANN. YOU'RE PROVING MY POINT.

SERIOUSLY, MONA-LISA IS LEGIT INSANE.

SHE ONCE JUMPED OUT OF A MOVING CAR

TO BUY A NICKI MINAJ POSTER.

CAN YOU BREAK UP WITH HER FOR ME?

- I'M NOT GONNA DUMP A GIRL FOR YOU.

- I'LL GIVE YOU THAT CHENILLE BLANKET OF MINE

YOU LOVE SO MUCH. - DEAL.

- UGH, BUT THAT'S MY FAVORITE BLANKIE.

WON'T YOU DO IT FOR FREE? - NOPE.

FINE.

- YEAH, DEAD RINGER FOR COURTNEY THORNE-SMITH.

SHE WORKS AT THE GAS STATION.

- OKAY, I NEED TO HAVE JAMM FALL IN LOVE WITH THIS PLACE,

SO I'M ROLLING OUT THE RED CARPET.

I NEED YOU TO STAY UPBEAT.

KEEP THINGS LIGHT.

ABSOLUTELY.

I CAN BE A SORT OF...

CONVERSATIONAL LUBRICANT.

- YEAH, THERE'S PROBABLY A LESS GROSS WAY

TO SAY IT, BUT SURE.

I LOVE BEING A CADDY.

IT'S SO MUCH MORE THAN JUST CARRYING CLUBS.

IT'S ABOUT OFFERING POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT.

I CONSIDER MYSELF A CADDY TO EVERYONE IN MY LIFE.

- YEAH, GOOD ONE! - NICE SHOT!

GREAT SWEEPING.

WAY TO BE, DUCK.

COUNCILMAN, NICE PUTTER.

OH, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

- SOME FAT HAWAIIAN GUY LEFT IT IN MY WAITING ROOM.

WHEN HE CAME BACK, I WAS ALL LIKE,

"OH, UH, YEAH, YEAH, NO, I HAVEN'T SEEN IT.

I DON'T KNOW."

CLASSIC.

- WHAT A GREAT AND FUNNY STORY.

OKAY, BEFORE WE START, ANYBODY WANT A HOT DOG?

HOT DOGS?

YOU KNOW I HAVE IRRITABLE BOWEL SYNDROME, YOU RACIST.

- YIKES, OKAY. HOW ABOUT A SNOW CONE ON ME?

HELLO, COUNCILMAN.

CHRIS, LESLIE, SNOW CONE LADY.

I SEE YOU'RE ABOUT TO PLAY A ROUND

OF PUBLICLY SUBSIDIZED MINI-GOLF.

MIND IF I JOIN YOU?

WELL, HELLO, BURLY, CHANG.

HEY, MAN, WHAT'S UP?

- I WAS JUST OVER AT THE BAR,

ENJOYING A WONDERFUL NIGHT WITH MY CO-WORKERS

WHO ALL TALKED ABOUT HOW AWESOME I WAS,

AND I LOOK UP, AND WHAT DO I SEE?

A BAND.

BUT YOU'RE MISSING SOMETHING LIKE, UH, I DON'T KNOW,

YOUR LEAD SINGER/SONGWRITER/ T-SHIRT DESIGNER/NACHO CHEF.

WHAT'S UP?

- FIRST OF ALL, YOUR NACHOS ARE TERRIBLE.

NO ONE'S HAD THE GUTS TO TELL YOU.

WHY DON'T YOU MELT THE CHEESE?

- WE TRIED TO TELL YOU ABOUT THE SHOW, MAN.

I CALLED YOUR CELL, LIKE, 20 TIMES.

- WELL, I DROPPED MY CELL PHONE

IN A BOWL OF CEREAL LAST WEEK, YOU IDIOT.

YOU BOTHERED TO CALL ME, YOU'D HAVE KNOWN THAT.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD CHANGE YOUR NAME

TO BURLY AND THE BACKSTABBERS.

- THAT'S A PRETTY GOOD NAME, ACTUALLY.

- YEAH, HE'S REALLY GOOD AT COMING UP WITH NAMES.

- GET ME A BUDWEISER BLACK CROWN.

YOU GUYS GOT BLACK CROWN HERE?

IF NOT, YOU SHOULD.

- RON, ARE YOU GONNA BE JOINING US?

I WON'T BE PLAYING.

- I'M SIMPLY HERE TO REMIND COUNCILMAN JAMM

THAT THIS RIDICULOUS PLAY PALACE

COSTS THE TAXPAYERS THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS A YEAR.

AND WHAT A BARGAIN.

I MEAN, KIDS LOVE IT, ADULTS LOVE IT, JAMM LOVES IT.

EVERYBODY LOVES IT.

IT'S LIKE THE TOY STORY 3 OF PLACES.

YEAH, SHE'S RIGHT, SWANSON.

I DO LOVE IT.

YOU SHOULD RELAX A LITTLE.

HAVE A SNOW CONE.

LESLIE'S BUYING ALL NIGHT.

YOU DON'T SAY.