National Lampoon Presents: Surf Party

As you go forth on your journey, and lead us

into the next century, I know that you're going out

into this world and will give one hundred and ten percent.

You are the best and you are the brightest.

We could be looking at the future leaders of this country.

Writers, senators, and scientists.

Humanitarians and heads of industry.

A lot of years have passed since that graduation.

And coming out of continuation school, I had no clue what we

were gonna do with our lives.

But I knew for sure that none of us were gonna become senators

or scientists. Just ain't gonna happen.

Sparky was a wild one, man. The beauty of Sparky

was that you never knew where he was comin from.

Who took a dump in my mouth?

Sparky would rip off a line of "fuck you's"

better than anybody I ever heard.

I'm gonna castrate you and fuck your mother in the

fucking ass with your own fucking dick. Fuck you!

Shit. Lardo? He was everything you could've asked for in

a friend. He was funny, he was charming, had a way with words--

Dude, shit happens.

Did pretty good with the chicks

and always seemed to make light of a serious situation.

My fellow Americans, I'm pleased to tell you today that

I've signed legislation that will outlaw Russia forever.

We begin bombing in five minutes.

Together, we were one.

I mean, we had it all.

At least I thought we did.

And every summer, we'd get a visit from Iris.

Iris!

Anne wants to know when are you coming to The Hut.

There's coffee in the kitchen.

And then there was Anne.

Johnny boy, why is the door closed with a girl inside?

Give me five minutes, Mom. I'm having sex!

Johnny, stop that, now! Bad boy! What will the neighbours

think - girl in your room and the door closed?

They'll think I'm getting laid!

Like we always said, a little bit of booty never hurt nobody.

Growing up as a kid on the beach was a blast.

I mean, everybody knew everybody.

The surf was always good, and every night was a party.

JD! What's up man?

Hey, Skinner! What's happening, dude?

Somebody's parents were always gone for the weekend, and if

that didn't happen, we'd take it to the Shelburn House.

But what went down over the next 24 hours is

something I will never forget.

So check this out.

Every kid has someone they look up to, right?

Whether it's a baseball player, a rock star,

or drives a race car - a hero. Well it just so happened that

my hero, he lived right down the street. And this guy had

the ability to make you feel like you were walking on water.

What's up?

Hey.

Twenty, twenty-five, forty-five,

fifty bucks. One more payment and it's mine.

Hi!

Hello!

Morning.

Hi, hello!

Hi, hello! Sorry it's so early, but, um, this may be

a little bit embarrassing, but we're lost.

Would you happen to know were 1117 Shelburn Lane might be?

I do.

Oh, great.

Oh good. That's wonderful.

Excuse me.

(Carol) Yeah, okay. Oh, thanks.

Yuppies!

You know what? Day after graduation,

summer's callin; I'm gonna give you your board.

Just pay me when you got the cash.

Here's your board.

This is um, you know,

it's your board. I mean, I made it for you, so you

take care of the board and she'll take care of you.

Now go on.

Make me proud.

Hey Mooney.

Wanna come?

No, I gotta work.

Two, q, a, n.

Five, seven, four.

Hey, JD! How's it goin?

Hey, Del.

Surfing, huh?

Yeah, I was.

Q, a, n.

Hey, I found this seaweed with these shells.

It's sparkling, see?

Oh yeah?

And this.

Sea glass.

Q, a, n.

I'm not really in the mood for a nature study right now.

Q, a, n.

Five, seven, four. Five, seven--

Oh shit.

Fuck!

Nice!

Wake up, Venture! Whoo! Ha-ha!

Watch your fucking driving, asshole!

You stupid blind fucker!

What the fuck, man?

'Sup, man? What are you gonna do, huh? C'mon!

Get the fuck back in your car and drive back to your stupid

valley and stay outta my city!

Fucking Venture surfers!

Yeah, you say that, and then you drive off, you pussy!

Fuckin Souther!

What's up, JD?

Que pasa, JD!

I lost my board, man!

Maybe someone took it.

Took it? No one takes surfboards around here, Amigo!

Hey, Harry.

Hey, JD! Where's your board?

Gone? I don't know. Maybe someone stole it.

Stole your board?

Uh-huh.

Mother-fucker!

Mh-mm.

Beer! I don't spend every day working my ass

off at the DMV so you can buy beer, old man!

I didn't buy it! JD gave me one.

What?

J, did you give him beer?

No.

Where's your board?

Rise and shine, ladies!

C'mon, get up.

Why are you doing this to me?

(Groans) You know, in some countries, this is considered torture?

Listen up! JD lost his board!

So?

Well, so you guys should go help him find it!

He lost the Mooney?

Yeah, the Mooney!

That shit didn't happen!

It happened!

Seriously, you guys should go help him find it!

He should help me find the bong!

Oh, God!

Where is it?

Dude, why?

I don't know.

I mean how does something like this happen?

Dude, I have no idea. Mooney's gonna kill me.

I mean, it's just kinda incredible that

your board would just be gone.

I know.

Hey, what's goin on, guys?

Sparks!

Punk!

Hey, Bro!

Where's your board, man?

Dude, my board got pilfered!

Dude, don't flip out, alright?

I can't fucking believe this shit!

I'm gonna fucking kill all of 'em!

I mean, they just come, and they just take our fucking

boards like it's nothing? These are our boards, our property.

Fuck them! Fuck off--

Alright, I'm here. Where's the fire?

Thank you. Okay, um, can you fold these please,

and then put them outside when you're done?

Only because I need you in my life.

Love you.

So how's things?

Oh, you know. Same old together one day,

broken up the next. Back together again.

On again, off again. Sex one day, no sex the next.

It's nice to know we have the same problems.

...their fucking beating heart outta their chest and

show it to 'em. Gonna--

Yeah, I--

uh Anne?

I'm not fucking around!

Yeah?

That boy's not good for business.

They just fucked with Sparky, and Sparky's gonna fuck 'em up!

That's just Sparky. He breaks it, he buys it!

All day!

Pretend this little fuckin totem poll's their fucking face!

Whoa.

Hey, JD, um... Um, where's your board?

It's gone!

Hey, JD.

Hey, Iris. How's your mom?

She's in Vegas with her new boyfriend.

Hey, did you look up and down the beach?

Of course. Ah, please. Come on!