Invasion of the Saucer-Men

Spooky, eh ?

I learned a long time ago you gotta start your pitch with a bang.

But ... I'm an honest guy, see. I gotta play it square with you.

Actually, a plain ol' farmer lives in this house.

An nice, easy going sorta guy.

Now get the law after 'em !

Er ... Like I was sayin', he lives on the outskirts of this little town.

Hicksburg, by name. No, I'm not kiddin' !

That's the name ... Hiscksburg. Scout's honor.

It's a quiet little place ...

Nothing much for the young people to do ...

Well ... Hardly anything.

Anyhow, we're Saturday night.

And me and my partner, was eating in this fancy restaurant.

A regular gourmet's joint.

Him and me are what you might call ...

Investments specialists.

We were discussing the latest market reports

and looking forward to a quiet game of chess before retiring.

Oh ... That's my partner.

I'm the handsome guy, on the left.

Will there be anything else ?

Right now, I couldn't afford what I'm thinking.

- I'm sure of that. - Wait, baby, wait !

I wonder if you can tell me how to ...

I can't even read my own writing here !

I wonder if you'd tell me how to get to ...

... first base with you tonight.

Fresh guy !

Oh, at least I tried !

Trying is all we ever do ever since we hit this town.

We never should've come here in the first place !

A guy's gotta be a native in this burg before a dame will give him a break.

Oh don't give me that !

Let's go home. I'm bushed !

Wait a minute, man. This is country !

Things move slow here.

I got a tip that this town's a cinch for quick buck.

Skip it, will you ? I'm going to bed.

And we're pulling out of here in the morning !

I'm looking for action tonight.

I'm taking a ride to see what I can pick up.

Fat chance ! And remember that car is half mine.

You have the front seat.

I won't be using your half much tonight !

Big lover ! All mouth .. No action.

You want a lift back to the boarding house ?

No, I'm gonna walk up my great expectations.

I wouldn't want to hold back the wheels of progress.

Or is it the progress of a big wheel ?

- What the heck was that ? - Low lightning, what else ?

There's no clouds out there.

How's the recruiting coming along, Lieutenant ?

Not bad.

How about them young'uns ?

I wonder what they're watching out there ?

I tell ya ... I saw a flying saucer !

What you fellows yappin' about out here ?

Duke just said he saw a flying saucer !

Only one ?

Nobody's got a right to brag unless they see at least six.

And in different colors.

This one was blue !

Lieutenant, the boys are kidding about seeing a flying saucer.

Oh.

Yeah, Duke says he saw one over there.

You better watch out, he might be giving you orders next month.

Yeah, you're right, I'm hooked ! Dragging me in feet first.

Don't you had a date with the Joan tonight ?

Yeah, she's meeting me here at 9:30.

She's probably fussing with her new dress.

Who you're kidding ! We all know she's waiting

for her old man to get out of the house.

What kind of a dress takes that long to get into ?

You have to admit she's got a lot of the right things

to put in the right places.

Yeah and they're all mine !

Here she comes. See you later.

- Hi princess. - Hi Johnny !

Most of the gang's at Lover's Point.

Yeah, what a lousy way to spend the Saturday night.

Look !

- Do you like it ? - Great !

- I'm going home. - Goodbye, Jack.

Uh ! ... Another load of those consarned kids on my property.

Looks crowded at Lover's Point.

Hope we don't hit Larkin's bull on the way out.

- Take it easy, Bobby boy. - Go man, go !

You nearly startled me out.

That's Oswald, Larkin's bull.

He's always hanging around asking for hand outs.

Get that beast away from here !

That bull drank so much beer one night

that he got the blind staggers.

See, now, you needn't be afraid of him.

- I'm not ... Anymore. - Good.

- You shouldn't have done that. - Done what ?

- Throwing out the beer can. - Why not ?

You know the trouble we've been having with Mr. Larkin without

messing up his farm with beer cans.

Let Larkin blow his top. This place was Lover's Lane

long before it was Larkin's cow pasture.

- But I think ... - I got a cure for that.

- For what ? - For thinking. More beer.

Just a minute, not so fast !

I'm out of breath.

Proves you're lovin' ...

I'm looping with you tonight, isn't that proof enough ?

And then some ... Seeing how your father hates me.

Oh it isn't that bad !

Art ... Artie ?

Artie, at last we made it ! We hit the jackpot.

Turn off that light, you bum !

Artie, come on ! We're millionnaires.

Yeah, yeah. Go to bed, uh !

But this is different. This is big !

Yeah ...

Look I'm not trying to give you a pitch.

But this ...

You and me, we're gonna put on an exhibition

on the first and only truly authentic flying saucer !

You ... You woke me up to tell me that ?

I told you it was big, didn't I ?

Well I seen one ! Like all the crazy people been talking about.

It was big, and round, and it glows.

And gives off a funny noise like ...

... like that !

Like that, uh ?

Yeah, yeah, that's it !

It landed over there by the Larkin's farm property.

It's great, isn't it ?

Okay ... Okay.

But when I'm rollling that dough, I don't see you invited in.

Invited out ! I'll handle it myself.

Go ahead, go back to sleep !

Sleep your life away !

It was a good idea coming up here tonight.

Gang'll never suspect a thing.

We can be back before they even miss us.

Oh, no more sneaking up here to be alone.

No more out-swirling your father.

- This oughta make it official. - Oh it's brilliant !

It's bad luck.

I don't know why these saucers always wait till night

to put up an appearance. Where do you think it is ?

From what these kids said, it must be north-east of town.

I'll check the latest radar report from our station.

We better get right out there.

The General was thrown up for letting the last one get away.

The army intelligence really scooped us that time.

'Scoop' did you say !

- Just a figure of speech, sir. - It'd better be, Lieutenant.

- I wanna caution you about one thing. - Yes, sir.

I know that in civilian life you were a publicity man.

- What are you getting at, sir ? - Just this : ...

Our job is to prevent a possible nationwide panic

by keeping the information from the public.

I figure a public information officer

is about the last thing we need right now.

I didn't request this assignment, sir.

- I know that ! - Yes, sir.

- But get this straight, Wilkins ... - Yes, sir.

You let one word of this leak out, I'll have you court-martialled and shot !

- Do I make myself perfectly clear ? - Yes, sir, yes indeed, sir !

Good.

Now get down the hall and wake up Sgt. Serkins and Carter.

- Tell them to load their weapons. - Yes, sir.

Come on. We're wasting time.

- Hey cut those lights ! - You're cramping our style !

Hey you want Larkin should catch us ?

Joan should worry. Her old man's a city attorney.

Come on, turn 'em off !

Oh, I'd hate to get caught at a time like this ...

Yeah, I can see your old man helping me ...

Tonight, of all nights.

Be careful, Johnny, I'd hate to hit Larkin's old bull.

Don't worry, I could drive this road blind-folded.

- You've had enough practice ... - A lot honey, but never enough !

Johnny, slow up, I can't see a thing.

No back seat driving to our marriage !

Easy, you'll get us all killed !

The darn fool didn't have his lights on, sir !

His lights blinded me, I couldn't see a thing !

We wanna get there in one piece.

It's only another quarter mile to the highway.

It's nothing to be afraid of. Don't worry.

Johnny ! Johnny !

- What was that ? - I don't know it happened so fast.

I didn't see it at all !

What have we done ?

Oh it's a little boy !

Gimme a hand, let's get him to a hospital.

Johnny !

What's this thing ! It's disgusting !

What a monster head !

Here it is. I killed it.

Johnny, I'm getting ill.

John, get me away from here !

- What is this ? - I don't know.

We must've cut the tire when we hit that thing.