Acting Good

Roger Laughingstick: This is the first time

that Grouse Lake has ever

scored a single point against Big Grand Rapids

in the fifty years of this tournament!

No point.

Paul's stomach touched the net.

- (cheering) - Are you serious?!

Roger Laughingstick: There it is, folks.

Once again, the Grouse Lake team

has shat its shorts.

It's okay, man. We'll get that one point next year.

There's not gonna be a next year 'cause I quit!

And now, it looks like Paul - a known quitter - is quitting.

I can believe it!

It's that time, bro.

We're getting the team back together.

Those... Big Grand Rapid rejects owe us a point

and it's time to collect.

I don't know if you heard,

I don't play volleyball anymore.

This quad, these tools,

working with these hands...

this is the life that I live now.

I don't need you to play, bro.

I need you to coach.

You're gonna have to find someone else!

Your talents are wasted here, bro.

At least... think about it.

Roger Laughingstick (in memory:) Once again,

Grouse Lake has shat its shorts.

It's all I do,

is think about it.

This time will be different.

I said--

I said just find someone else, man!

Yeah, man.

Hey there, Chief Jo, Rose.

You coming to the Best Friend sale at the North Store?

Oh, really?

Yeah. Bring in your best friend

and you get to a free foot-long hot dog.

It's all there on the flyer.

Let's go get a hot dog, Rose.

Uh, sorry, Jo. I already got mine.

- What? - I took Stephen Harper.

He loves foot-long hot dogs.

Wait a second.

Uh, I thought we were best friends.

I'm more of, like, your work wife.

Your best friend is Lips.

Oh, fok off.

Good time for me to get a coffee.

Everyone knows you and Lips are BFFs.

I mean, like, everyone calls you 'Jips'.

Jo, Lips - Jips.

I never before fokin' heard that in my life.

So, we gonna get that free hot dog for Jips?

You too? Why would you think Lips is my best friend?

(woman singing sentimental song in foreign language)

Lips isn't my best friend.

I play pat-a-cake with...

lots of people!

No point. Paul's stomach touched the net.

One point.

- No point. - Just one!

- No point. - One... point.

No point.

- Here you go, Jo. - What are those for?

Oh, nothing. Just wanted to do something quick

for your twelve-year work anniversary.

Just them down and get out of here.

See?

This is something a best friend would do.

Can you believe it, Lips? People think we're best friends.

We are best friends.

No. We're-- we're just work buddies.

Okay then, we're work buddies.

I'll say whatever you want because I'm your best friend.

I have plenty of best friends.

In fact, I-I gotta go see one of them.

Her name's Jennifer.

We're so tight that people call us 'J-J-J-Jennifer'.

I have plenty of best friends!

Are you okay, Lips?

Looking good, guys. Looking good.

Now, bring it in.

Coach... is here!

Take a knee!

- I'll help him. - Paul: Ahh!

He's gotta wanna do this on his own!

Pay attention to your new coach.

He's gonna take us to the one-point promised land.

Winners...

all gotta make sacrifices!

So, that's why you're all...

giving up your spot on the team.

Ever slack!

Paul: If we... want that one point,

we're gonna need better players.

I'm proud of all y'all.

You guys are all champions!

Dean...

get me a new team.

Ahh!

He's gotta wanna do it himself.

Get out of here, Ed.

Jennifer! It's me, Jo!

You know, 'J-J-J-Jennifer'?

What's up, Chief? You here for some cold cuts?

I can do sliced or shaved.

No, Bruce, I don't need any meat.

Jo, then, why are you here? Is everything okay?

I'm looking for my best friend.

Lips is at the post office.

No! Ugh! Jennifer! This is her house?

Jo, she left for the city, like, two weeks ago.

I'm housesitting.

Oh, yeah!

Well, she does that thing... um...

You mean her heart surgery?

Heart surgery? Is she okay?

I mean, of course. I just talked to her yesterday.

You want to lie to me, I get it.

You want to lie to my loaf, fine.

But stop lying to yourself.

I'm not.

Can't just be some door-to-door liar.

Okay, then.

You're the one holding an unpackaged loaf of meat,

all skin-to-skin like,

like a mother and her baby.

With all due respect, it's time for you to go, Chief.

So, this is our new team, eh?

Mm-hmm. This is Tammy -

fastest legs on this side of the lake.

She outran a running moose when she was five.

Now, she just taunts them into chasing her.

Oh.

To this day, she still has not been caught.

Ricky - born deep in the muskeg by bush people.

Strongest arms I've ever seen.

The only problem is he doesn't speak a word of English.

I speak English no problem.

- See what I mean? Bush talk. - I understand.

Dean: Eldon - chased him away earlier

because I thought he was the slender man.

To be honest, I'm still not sure.

That guy gives me the willies.

And what is this I'm looking at?

Scoops. Found him outside, chewing diapers out of my trash.

Took him inside and we watched all the Volley Dog movies.

Tossed him a ball, see what he's got.

Turns out he's fuckin' natural, bro.

Listen carefully!

Practice...

will begin at 4 a.m.!

I will show up

five or six hours after that,

and by then, you would have walked around Grouse Lake

with giant logs on your shoulders

to represent how important

this one point is!

We're gonna do this every single day

until game day!

Now some of you will not make it,

but that's just the way it's gotta be.

The game's tomorrow, man.

Then, why don't you get at it, then?

Fuck this. We're gonna go play for Big Grand Rapids.

Team: Yeah.

You guys quit?! Ha-ha! No! I quit!

I'm off the team!

Roger Laughingstick: This is Laughingstick in the Morning,

and I'm either smelling competition in the air

or Sydney needs his septic tank emptied.

Whatever it is,

the annual volleyball game against Big Grand Rapids

is coming up and Dean's team is in a tough spot

after everyone quit.

Hey, bro,

I know you're going through a lot,

but there's a community out there that's counting on us

to get that one point.

You think that I don't think about that

every single day?

So, what are you gonna do?

Live a life of solitude,

tinkering with your stupid fucking quad?

Don't you ever talk about my quads like that!

There it is! There's the Paul fire

we all need.

I told you,

find someone else.

Fine,

but I'll leave you with this:

the path to one point is very hard,

but a life full of regret...

is even harder.

Fuck this, we're gonna go play for Big Grand Rapids.

One point!