We Need to Talk About America

- This is "We Need to Talk About America,"

the show where first-generation Americans

break down first -world problems.

- Today we're gonna talk about life hacks.

Things are so simplified--

- She's doing the same amount of work. (laughs)

- Modern dating, she's like, "I love this, this is good,

"this is longer than all of my relationships."

Aliens, they're out there.

- Oh y'all out there trying to smash aliens,

I woulda been down for that.

- The American condition is to like,

be dissatisfied all the time.

Life is easy, (laughs) let me see how I can make it easier.

Life hacks.

- I like to Google the occasional life hack.

- I mean, who doesn't like to save time with a life-hack,

right, save a little money, save a little time.

- There's no time to do anything,

so any way to cut corners, I find genius.

- If you put eggs in a Ziploc bag, scrambled,

and you close it and you microwave it,

they come out delicious.

- I thought it was just my mom, but like,

I guess all Asian moms, they teach you how to measure rice

by putting your finger,

like up to your first line of your finger above the water

and that's supposed to be

just the perfect amount of water for your rice.

- My dad and mom life-hacks was to have multiple

children.

I'm one of five, and they raised us to be servants,

male and female maids, from the jump,

and it was, essentially just to help them.

"Chinedu, come

bring the remote!"

You get up there, the remote is just right at her feet.

- Honestly, I feel like I already have a life-hack

and it's called Postmates, Uber Eats. (laughs)

- I think, here in the states,

it feels like life-hacks have become a thing

because things are so simplified,

so we're reverse engineering in a weird way,

an easy way into semi-difficult,

more complicated way of doing it.

- Alright got the fireplace going,

toes looking toasty, oh oh, there's a baby on a swing.

What, is she?

See, now we're talking.

This mom is mom of the year.

- As soon as that string feels light,

she's gonna wanna look back.

- Sure he's swinging over concrete

and he could, you know, have some brain bruising,

but life is about chances.

- She doesn't realize she's doing the same amount of

work.

That's why you have two arms,

so that you can push your baby

and drink an alcoholic beverage. (laughs)

- What if she's babysitting this kid?

- She could have at least faced the baby,

like, "I'm here with you," she was like,

"I want no parts of you, none." (laughs)

- This is what happens when people think they are pro -life,

but they're actually pro-choice,

you don't want that child, just admit it.

At this point, that's what you're telling me, lady.

- Hooked up behind his SUV

and he's driving around the lot, pulling the lawnmower.

- (applauding) Yes, he's smart, smart.

Why not, you have a Mercedes, SUV,

you got it because you were smart.

- This is truly a life-hack, right here,

if you don't have enough money to buy a John Deere

tractor,

you know what, what's the next best thing?

Just tie it to your vehicle,

to your parent's (laughs) car, just let it rip.

Oh good Lord.

- (laughs) I mean, what else needs to be said?

Oh good Lord, that's perfect.

- This is high thinking right here.

No sober person would be like,

"You know what would be cool?"

- Gas is too expensive to be doing this.

I might do it.

I'm gonna have to get a Mercedes first, but I might do it.

- This is Crazy, Random Life-Hacks,

some of which you may have seen some before,

some of which you've never seen before.

Check 'em out.

Oh, all right.

I love his look,

he already cut the sleeves off of his shirt,

he's ready for action at all times.

For this one,

you're gonna need some cheap flashlights.

So I found these for a dollar at the Walmart store.

The Walmart store.

Sir, just say, "Walmart."

- Just using some string and Duct Tape,

we're gonna give your kids a party.

- Oh, it's lit, it's a nightclub in the living room,

for the kiddies.

No, yes!

Unnecessary.

- If all it took was spending $5.00 and a roll of Duct Tape

for him to have that much fun,

it's like, yo, do it.

- People, don't leave your kids around this man, okay?

If you're like me,

a lot of us use the same bath towel more than one time.

Here's the problem, you don't wanna grab the bath towel

and dry your face off with the same end

that you just dried your butt off with last time,

and that's just plain nasty.

You could just buy a towel.

You could just buy a second towel, fellas.

I don't know if you know this men,

but you could buy a second towel.

- Here's what you do, go get ya a little bit of bleach

and you take and stretch it across the sink,

just pour a little cup of bleach and make a dot.

This end's the side I dry my face with

and this end is the side I'm gonna dry my butt with.

- (laughing) Now this would be genius if it was

necessary.

If your face smells after drying off your butt,

you need wash ass lessons.

Your ass is still, get back in the shower

and stop blaming the towel, sir, you're not ready for life.

I would never say

that there's too much convenience in America

because I too am American. (laughs)

- I know people like sticking to what they know,

but you found a better, cool, new way

and it's convenient and now you have more time

to watch TV with your kids, do it.

My parents were immigrants,

there's no shortcuts, you do the work.

You don't take the easy way out, you do the work.

- America has a weird obsession with

a lot of crazy products online.

- Horizontal prism glasses

are great for using a laptop or reading a book in bed

while lying flat.

All right.

It's kind of sleek.

Oh yeah, oh wow, (laughs)

this is exactly what I thought it was gonna be,

this is so weird, (laughs) 'cause I'm lookin' at y'all,

but I'm looking at my knees!

Whoa.

- This feels great, you know, your head could be straight,

but essentially, you're looking down.

(laughs) Whoa!

Yo, this is tight. (laughs)

- This could be good if you're in college

and you didn't study for your exam,

get a few answers very easily.

- Okay, when I lay down, and I have my book,

I can just sit here.

Wow, oh man.

Oh, look at my dick!

You can't even tell I'm looking at my dick,

but I'm looking at my dick.

- Now let's look at some reviews, just,

there we go, all right.

Best invention ever.

I don't think I'm ever taking them off

because I wanna look at my dick all the time.

There's no woman who wants to constantly look

at her own privates.

That is a man.

- One star, they are extremely okay.

We ended up returning them as the idea of them

was better than their product.

Seem like this person got what she paid for

and was very disappointed. (chuckles)

- Reviews, five stars, I can now stand up,

look straight, and see my privates, wha! (laughs)

I just said that!

There's another one star,

it's the stupidest thing I ever ordered,

but you're not stupid because you ordered them, right? Aight.

My review,

for me, personally, I like having my head like this a lot.

So I'm gonna go with about, I give it four stars.

Five out of five stars.

- I can't believe this is real. (laughs)

- Dating in the modern world is so crazy.

You can be like, "Hey,

"I only wanna date people that are lactose intolerant."

And there's an app for that.

- It feels like we're so replaceable,

we're so disposable, right, like--

- Like you mean just because it's like,

online dating, there's so many options,

it's like a buffet of humans?