State of the Union

So...

Take your time.

- I'm actually a decisive person. - I'm sure.

I just don't see the word "coffee".

- We sell coffee. - Then that's what I want.

Okay, so we have three different roasts...

I don't want three different roasts, I just want coffee.

What would you give me if I just ask for coffee?

I wouldn't. I would describe the three different roasts.

And what if I just shouted "coffee" over your descriptions?

You can try that if you want.

Look, I've run my own business for a long time.

One thing I've learned, don't overcomplicate things.

Lead with the headline.

You sell cars, say you sell cars.

You sell guns, say you sell guns.

It doesn't even say coffee in your sign.

What the hell is "Mouthfeel"? Sounds like a sex club.

It's the way the coffee feels in your mouth.

It's a word connoisseurs use.

- You mean the taste? - No.

It's distinct from the taste.

See, it's all way too complicated,

even before somebody walks through the door.

So you think in a gun store,

a person walks in and asks for a gun,

and that's the end of the conversation.

They give him a generic gun with the word "gun" on the box.

- Guns are a bad example. - Cars.

Just give me coffee number one.

I'm not interested in the mouthfeel.

- You take milk? - Sure.

Regular from a cow pumped full of steroids.

Nothing missing.

Jay.

- Is that an initial? - Not really.

- "Not really"? - Just Jay.

What was your birth name?

How strong is your pee flow currently?

- Not an equivalent question! - I think it is.

So what are you doing around here, anyway?

What? I'm not cool enough?

Honestly?

I have an appointment.

Steve and Cindy upstairs?

They're great.

- Hey, sweetie. - Hey, how are you?

So you met my husband, Scott.

Yeah.

I wouldn't put you two together.

- Yeah, well... - Yeah.

Steve and Cindy.

- Exactly. - You want to come up with us?

That will still only be five of us in the room.

I'll bring your tea over.

So many questions.

- Yeah? - How do you know these people?

You mean one person,

who in your mind is this entire imaginary community of friends?

Yes.

My yoga class is across the street.

I just told you something you didn't know.

I was hoping you knew I went to yoga classes.

I knew you did something stretchy.

Okay, second question. Let's say you need an...

What are they called, he/she?

- Pronouns. - Exactly.

Say you needed a pronoun. Which one would you use?

Well, I'd have to know the context.

In the course of an average day, I use both.

Funny. I'm talking about Jay.

You want to know if Jay is male or female?

- Yeah, I guess. - Hi!

Here is your tea. And here is your steroids.

- Yeah, that's good. - Okay.

Enjoy.

- Why do you want to know? - Seriously?

Yes.

Because it's relevant information.

Well, maybe if you're thinking of hooking up,

not if you're buying coffee.

What if I wanted to say "blank" has put too much milk in this?

Jay.

Jay has put too much milk on this.

I'm going to ask "blank" for another cup.

Jay prefers "they".

- "They"? - Yes.

- I'm gonna ask they for another cup? - "Them", obviously.

- They is making me another cup. - "They are," always.

You're giving a running commentary on this entire transaction.

I'm just trying to understand what's going on here.

I think you've got it.

- So, language has no meaning. - Of course it has meaning.

- "They" is plural. - Not the way you just used it.