More Tales of the City

Mouse! Are you home?

Mouse!

Mouse!

Happy Valentine's Day.

Oh.

Aww.

Mwah!

Oh!

Oh, it's magnificent!

- Did you make this yourself? - Open it.

See? You're supposed to fill in the resolutions yourself.

Oh. I'm that screwed up, huh?

You bet. I don't waste my time with well- adjusted people.

Wanna see my list?

Uh... Aren't you confusing this with New Year's Eve?

Nah, that's nickel- dime stuff.

Smoking, eating, drinking resolutions.

These are the...

you know, the hardcore...

Some Enchanted Evening resolutions.

- You ready? - Mm!

- "Michael Tolliver's Dirty 30 for '77." -

"One, I will not call anyone Nelly or Butch, unless that is his name."

"Two, I will not assume that women who like me are fag hags."

Mm.

"Three, I will not measure it, no matter who asks. Four..."

- No, no! -

"Eleven.

I will meet someone nice,

away from a bar,

or the baths,

or the roller skating rink.

Twelve.

But I won't say "I love you" before he does.

Thirteen.

- The hell I won't." -

Aww.

"Seventeen."

"I will not cry when Mary Tyler Moore goes off the air."

Oh.

How come you get 30 resolutions? I only get ten.

Things aren't so tough for you.

Is that true?

Mr Gay Chauvinist Pig.

- Hm. - Well, just try this for starters.

Ahem.

One.

- I will find Mr Right this year. -

Two.

He will not be married.

Three.

He will not be gay.

Four.

He will not be a child pornographer.

I see. Movin' back to Cleveland, huh?

- Hello. - Hello, Mona. This is your mother.

Hello, Betty.

Is this your permanent number again?

Yeah.

I-- I called the place in Pacific Heights and D'orothea said you'd moved back. I--

I can't believe you'd leave that...

charming home in a nice neighborhood for that shabby--

Oh, you've never even seen it.

I have! You sent me a picture last summer.

Does that...

woman still run it?

If you mean Mrs. Madrigal, yes.

She gives me the absolute creeps.

Remind me not to send you any more pictures, will you?

What was wrong with D'orothea's place, anyway?

I couldn't handle the rent.

Oh, well, if that's the problem, I can tide you over.

Just until you're able to find a job.

Hah. We-- Thank you, but no.

She's lured you in there, Mona.

- Who? - Th-- That...

woman.

Mrs. Madrigal offered me an apartment

when we became good friends, and that was almost three years ago.

Why are you suddenly so goddamn concerned about my welfare?

Because I didn't know what she looked like until you sent her picture.

She's so... extreme.

Ugh.

- - Mona?

Uh--

- -

Mrs. Madrigal, are you there?

Mrs. Madrigal!

Stay put, I've got a Valentine for you.

"Dear Mary Ann,

by now, you must need a little fun.

The enclosed is for you and a friend.

Head for someplace sunny.

Always, EH."

I don't get it.

What was enclosed?

Five thousand dollars, Mouse!

My boss, Edgar Halcyon, left it to me in his will.

So...

I bought two tickets on a carnival cruise to Mexico.

- You wanna go with me? - Goddamn!

- Will you? - Will I? You bet! When? How long?

In one week.

That's great!

- - We'll have to share a cabin, though.

Oh, that's okay, we'll seduce people in shifts.

Or find a nice bisexual.

- Mary Ann, I'm shocked! - Ooh! Good.

We'll get brown as a goddamn berry!

- And find you a lover. - And one for you.

Oh, no.

One miracle at a time, please.

Look, Mouse.

If I think you're attractive,

there must be plenty of men in this town that feel the same way.

Yeah...

- Size queens. - You know...

Sometimes, you're sensitive about the dumbest things.

You must be five- nine.

- - That's gotta be tall enough for anybody.

Late meeting or something?

Can't I fix breakfast for my husband?

You can, but you don't.

I worry too much, Beauchamp.

And today,

I looked around me and I heard the cable cars clanging and...

Well, I just thought we're a lot luckier than most people.

Beauchamp?

- This thing hasn't been cleaned. - Look at me.

Yes, my sweet?

Will you at least tell me that you're happy?

- About what? - About this, damn it.

- Well? - I'm delirious.

Ugh.

DeDe, there's a grave responsibility attached to parenthood.

I accept the responsibility of raising one child,

although with great reluctance.

Forgive me if I'm not exactly jumping with joy at the prospect of twins.

Beauchamp, I don't need your goddamn thesis on parenthood.

I need your support.

- I can't do this alone. I just can't. - You sure as hell didn't do that alone.

No, but I sure as hell didn't do it with you.

That wasn't bad.

For you.

It's true, Beauchamp.

You're not their father.

God damn it. Can't you even add?

I wanted to tell you a long time ago.

I really did. I-- I even...

- Who is it? - I don't think we should.

Splinter Riley, maybe, or the...

charming but terminally greasy Jorge Montoya Corona?

You don't know him.

How interesting.

Do you?

- And also, D'orothea Wilson called. -

Don't suppose she bothered to tell you why she canceled the last three photo shoots?

She said she doesn't look right anymore.

What does that mean?

Maybe she gained weight over the holidays. I... I don't know.

Or maybe she doesn't give a good goddamn about Halcyon Communications.

Maybe she wants to go to Mexico too.

Beauchamp, It was Mr. Halcyon who said I should go.

I don't need to hear this again!

I'm really sorry to bug you, but we're leaving for Mexico tomorrow.

There's a suitcase I just can't reach.

Are you all settled in upstairs?

Gettin' there.

Oh. Okay.

Thanks.

I can take it from here.

Can you?

Yes, Brian.

You know what ? This trip is gonna work for me.

I'm gonna meet somebody, I know it.