If I Were Rich Man (Si yo fuera rico)

Good morning.

- Morning, officer. - Look, you know you can't park here.

- I'm a port worker. - Worker?

Then you must have ID.

It's being laminated.

Laminated, right. I see.

- Nice day, huh? - Yup, very nice.

- You're half an hour late, kid. - I know, I'm sorry.

I have plenty of time. If you're busy, I can stay...

No, that's okay. You can leave after you clean up.

I won't need you anymore this autumn.

- But it's September. - So?

- I know what month it is, Sandro. - Santi.

I have your money. You can keep the change.

One thing.

- The bathrooms are full, right, girls? - Yes. Very.

Would you mind emptying them?

Gross!

Damn it...

No!

No, no, no... I can't believe it...

IF I WERE RICH

I can't give you any more. The boss is pissed.

You say that like I come every week.

Well? Coming to the class reunion?

- I think even Fat ass is coming. - What?

- He came back from the US. - Fat ass is coming?

- Damn! - Remember how he ate?

He ate in his sleep. People don't eat right.

Fat ass has a textbook eating disorder, believe me.

Right.

Pedro, I don't think I'm going.

I have an appointment with Maite and the lawyer.

- Problems? - I'm okay.

- Yeah? - I'm great. Yeah.

You can't go like that. Here, wear this.

Okay, then. Here's the thing.

Since you agreed to share assets when you married,

you're supposed to split everything 50 percent.

Besides the house, we don't have much. We live day to day.

That simplifies things.

- Well, there's Santi's van. - What?

- I have to sell the van? - No, no, no.

Don't worry, I won't come between you two.

- No, no. I'll sell the van too. - No, no, no.

- I didn't say anything about the van. - Yes, you did.

- No, I didn't. - Yes, you did.

- I didn't say van. - You said van.

- Did I say van? - Did she?

Let's continue. Given your financial situation,

my advice is to keep sharing the house until things get better.

Share the house?

But then why are we getting divorced? I can't remake my life that way.

You're remaking your life?

No, Santi.

In any case, it's none of your business.

Because you don't want it to be, Maite.

- When will the divorce be valid? - That happens quickly.

The paperwork usually takes two or three months.

- Two or three months? - Okay.

I don't have to put up with this.

Santi, please, listen.

We can live together until you find a job, okay?

Okay, I'll do it for you.

Want to get some dinner?

I was planning on going to the party. You're not up for it?

That's why you look so pretty.

Are you meeting someone?

- I'm going alone. - Right.

Anyway...

She won't be back!

- You think it's funny? - No.

I'm laughing because it's good for my heart.

Come here, kid. Let me get this straight.

- She's leaving you because you're a homo? - Excuse me?

Sorry, son, but you look like a homo.

- Thanks for cheering me up. - You're welcome.

Hey, you can also buy the Superloto.

- What are my chances of winning? - The same as of her coming back to you.

Then give me one.

My first time.

That's what I told my husband on my wedding night.

Thanks.

CLASS OF 97-98

what's up, santi? All good? I'll call you later.

- Marcos. - Dude!

- How are you? - Bad. I have heartburn.

- Oh, well. Have you seen Maite? - Yeah. She looks pretty.

- Too pretty, right? - No, santi. Normal pretty.

- Marcos, you're my friend. - Yes.

You'd tell me if she were with someone else, right?

I just ate a steak with cider and I have heartburn up to here.

Look, I'm clear on that.

I'm just trying to accept that she can hump someone else.

She can shine anyone's saber she wants and it's fine.

- Hey, Pelayo. - What does shine a saber mean?

Damn it. Here, go drink a Fanta with your mom.

My cell phone... My cell phone! Look at him.

Sorry, sorry.

Pedro, bud.

- Pedro. - This place is dangerous.

- Yeah? - Look, look. Marina and Ángela, look.

They can't take their eyes off me. Pure lust.

I never learn. I can't come to these places. I look like Mario Casas.

- Pedro, please. - Marcos!

- What? - Nothing.

- Want a beer? - Yeah.

- Coming? - No, I'll stay. I'll be right over.

What is this?

- Santi. - Oh, hi.

- Have we met? - I'm afraid so.

We spent half our lives in the same class together.

Let me see. Did you sit in back with Fat ass?

No, okay. Behind Fat ass, or else I would have seen you!

I heard he's coming. Listen, see if you can feel it.

That fat fucker!

No!

Holy shit. You've changed.

Hi! You're here.

- Hi. - Look who I found.

Remember I said I have a new boss at the supermarket?

Yeah, the businessman.

Well, it's Mario.

Sure. What a surprise! You're together now.

- Working. - Sure, working. Of course.

I was incredibly lucky to find her.

I was luckier, I found her first.

Okay, I'll go.

Yes.

With Fat ass, he says!

If he gets on top, he'll snap her spine!

- Over there. - Where?

That's Fat ass?

Holy shit! He's almost as in shape as me.

You guys see Fat ass?

- Yeah, with Maite. - No, no.

- Fat ass is humping Maite. - Hit me again.

- Fine, fine. - What?

Hawaii, be more discreet. He's in pain, can't you see?

He's still hitting on you?

You're separating, and a nice, handsome rich guy comes along.

What more do you want?

I don't know. Nine years with santi...

- Have you told your mom and dad yet? - No way.

I have to find the right moment.

Down deep, I think I haven't accepted it yet.

The best thing about marriage is not needing plans on weekends.

Hi.

- Anyway... - can your son stay with you?

He's had four orange Fantas and he thinks he's Spider-Man. Yes or no?

Okay. But you keep him tomorrow during my vermouth.

- As usual. - What?

Okay, see you later.

Wanna shine my saber?

Pass.

Already up?

How was last night?

- Fine. - Yeah?

- Fine? - Great.

- And I have good news for you. - Okay.

Mario wants to interview you to offer you a job at the market.

That's great.

Did that come up before or after you two had sex?

Because he looks like a premature ejaculator.

I doubt there was time during the act.

It was before.

- Yeah? - Yeah. You know why?

Why?

Because with Mario, during the act all I do is moan.

So much, the thumbtacks pop out of the walls.

Today all of Gijón is wondering who the lucky winner is.

Let's go to the lottery office on the Paseo de Begoña.

Manuela, who's the lucky winner?

I don't know, a lot of people buy here.

Maybe a very nice gay kid from the other day, but I don't know.

It's no joke. The mystery ticket is worth 25 million.

Here's the winning combination again:

Nine, seventeen,

twenty-three, thirty-two, forty-seven,

three and eleven.

Take note. Write it down again. It might be you.

Nine, seventeen, twenty-three, thirty-two...

And later on you'll say the economic crisis is behind us.

Nine, seventeen, twenty-three, thirty-two,

forty-seven, thirteen, eleven!

Maite, it's Santi...

I want to tell you something that will blow you away.

Call me back when you can. Kiss.

Mario, it's a little soon for me.

Okay, okay. Sorry.

Juan. The guy in line.

Do you think he's the kid who won the lottery?

Hey, excuse me. Excuse me. One second, please.

No, I was just leaving.

Sir. Sir.

It's you, right? It's you.

- No, I don't know what you mean. - It's you.

Parked on the yellow zigzag line! This guy has my number.

- Damn! - Don't be alarmed.

Damián Palacios, Astur Bank manager.