How I Met Your Father

Ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba

Ba-ba, da-da-da-da-da-da da-da-da

Ripped and corrected by - YoungJedi -

You know, Churchill once said,

"There are only three traditions in the Royal Navy."

We've already covered two of them.

Now, all we need is some rum.

Or we could just revisit tradition number two again.

Captain!

Whoa!

In our bed?!

Permission to explain myself.

Denied!

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Why are you telling me about this cheating couple

and their weird boat kinks?

We left off on a cliffhanger kiss!

Look who wants to hear about his mom hooking up now?

This affair will be important later,

but fine. Back to me.

So, the morning after we kissed,

I went to get my tooth fixed.

The sun is out! Birds are singing!

My new tooth is ready to chomp!

Hit me with one of those Twizzlers.

I got to test drive this baby.

Why are you so happy?

I'm happy because I dropped off my photo with Naomi

at the gallery.

Mm... That's not it.

You kissed someone!

You kissed Jesse!

Oh my god! How do you do that?

Okay. I kissed Jesse.

And it was... amazing.

I feel terrible because I'm with Drew, and he's wonderful,

but Jesse is... Jesse.

Enough feelings! Tell me about the kiss.

Is he a tongue swirler? Lip biter?

Oh, did you do that creepy thing where you keep your eyes open?

I like to see if my partners are enjoying themselves.

Is that so bad?

Yes! It's like kissing an American Girl Doll.

And I would know. Felicity and I got down. Now, dish.

Okay. Drew and I got into a fight at his fundraiser,

and then I ran into Jesse outside of the bar.

Wow.

Uh...

Look, I-I know you're probably, um,

emotional from what happened with Drew, so...

No, no, no. That's not what that was. I just...

I wanted to kiss you.

Yeah?

Me, too. For a long time now, actually.

Although, in my head, uh, when this happened,

we both had all our teeth.

But, this is somehow better.

Oh my god, that's romantic!

And your kids would be so cute.

I've always wanted to be someone's hot aunt,

AKA... "haunt."

Bro, I have always wanted to be someone's huncle!

Okay. Alright, dude. Slow your roll. It was just a kiss.

Dude, I've been shipping you guys since day one, okay?

So, for this romance to blossom outside my bar?

What about Drew?

Uh, after the kiss, I had the exact same question.

What about Drew?

He's the sweetest guy.

But, Jesse and I see the world the same way,

and there's been something between us since the day we met.

- So... - Sophie decided to break up with Drew

- today. - Oh, thank God.

Before you go through with this, I have to ask.

You sure Jesse feels the same way?

Because if he hurts you, I will kill him,

and I have a feeling Jesse's ghost would be super annoying.

- He feels the same way. - Hey,

would you wanna get dinner with me tomorrow night?

That, uh, the pita place on Delancey is now,

like, a punny Thai restaurant?

- Thai Tanic! - Yes.

I've been wanting to try that place.

Okay, Jesse.

I see you.

Following things up with a concrete plan.

This has my blessing.

God, I love when two hot dorks get together.

Today's the day we promised Charlie we'd finally watch soccer with him.

Remember?

He's been harassing us about it for weeks...

Two weeks till Friends Soccer Day!

Eh? And yes,

I will be referring to it as,

"soccer,"

so that your American brains can understand it.

I can't keep that plan in my head because it sounds so boring.

I think I got to skip it and go talk to Drew.

Tell Charlie that I'm sorry.

Oh, and promise me...

You won't tell the gang what happened until after our date.

Sophie and I don't need everyone gossiping.

Thumb promise.

'Cause thumbs are stronger than pinkies.

Dude, I feel so good about this!

Like, literally nothing could bring me down.

Okay, I love hearing that 'cause I do have something to tell you.

Uh... , super no big deal.

Boring even. - Yeah?

But, just so you know,

Meredith dropped by yesterday.

Oh... Chill...

She's dropping a new single today. It's about your relationship.

Like I said, no big thang.

Let's not even listen to it 'cause who cares?

So, let's just go to the bar, okay?

Hannah's coming straight from the airport, and...

You're opening Spotify.

I shoulda gotten off the train at Jay Street...

'Cause I wanna be where the tracks and the pavement meet

Sometimes, I still think

I can hear your heartbeat

Then, I realize

I'm just missing Jay Street

What?! Is this song about

how she regrets dumping me? Am I Jay Street?

Not necessarily. She coulda just missed her stop.

Okay, fine. Yes, of course, you're Jay Street, dude.

This is not a subtle metaphor.

Just don't spin out about this.

- Jesse... - Meredith, hi. Uh,

congrats on the new single.

Uh, quick question about it. What the--

Sophie. Hi.

Drew. Hey.

I'm sorry to just stop by like this, but we really need to talk.

Agreed. Look, I'm so sorry about last night.

I was pissed you were late, and I let it get the best of me.

Man, apologizing feels good.

Fighting gives me stress hives.

Under this sweater, I'm a mess.

Drew! Is that the voice

of the fabulous Sophie we're hearing?

- Who is that? - It is.

Lou, look. Look at her.

I'm looking, Sue.

She's even prettier than her Instagram photos.

We're having brunch. Come! Join us.

That is such a kind offer. I was just stopping by--

Nonsense! You're staying for bagels.

Drew and his father were just about to go pick them up.

Uh, I'll be fast! I promise! Okay--

I hope my son does not say that in the bedroom.

It is time for my beloved Blues

to take us on a roller coaster of emotions.

So, get ready for some thrills, chills...

and a likely final score of nil-nil.

Sorry, w-what's all this?

Charlie, we got 48 hours together

to knock out as much wedding planning as possible, okay? So...

Well, I think you mean weddings, plural,

since we also decided to do an Indian wedding.

Which means choosing two venues, two cakes,

and two places to cry when I get overwhelmed.

Hannah. We'll get it done, okay?

I promise. - Okay.

You see, soccer isn't really a sort of "plan your weddings

and give each other supportive smooches" kind of sport.

You know, it really does require undivided attention.

Hope everybody's ready for a fashion show!

What?

I got an interview later to be an associate produce buyer

for Goliath Market corporate office,

so I need to put together an interview look...

Jasper, what do you think?

Looks like Beetlejuice costume.

Okay...

Uh...

Where's Jesse?

I told him about Meredith's song.

- Twist! - Yeah, so he's spinning out.

- Predictable! - What's predictable?

Meredith wrote a song about missing Jesse,

and now he's totally spiraling.

Oh no...

Why "oh no?" What do you know?

Nothing.

What do you know?

Do you both know something I don't?

Sophie and Jesse kissed last night!

See? I knew you guys would get into it!

No one was watching, were they?

Okay.

Meredith, what do the lyrics of Jay Street mean?

Do you regret breaking up with me?

Okay, look, I know I owe you a lot of answers,

but can we just sit and talk over food?

No, no, no. You can't derail my confrontation

by tempting me with French fries. Okay, I'm not the Hamburglar.

Come on. We can play the game where you close your eyes and...