The Breakfast Club

Saturday, March 24th, 1984.

Shermer High School, Shermer, Illinois, 60062.

Dear Mr. Vernon,

We accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention

for whatever it was we did wrong.

What we did was wrong.

But we think you're crazy

to make us write an essay

telling you who we think we are.

What do you care?

You see us as you want to see us,

in the simplest terms,

with the most convenient definitions.

You see us as a brain,

an athlete,

a basket case,

a princess,

and a criminal.

Correct?

That's the way we saw each other at 7:00 this morning.

We were brainwashed.

I can't believe you can't get me out of this.

I mean, it's so absurd I have to be here on a Saturday.

It's not like I'm a defective or anything.

I'll make it up to you.

Honey, ditching class to go shopping doesn't make you a defective.

Have a good day.

Is this the first time or the last time we do this?

Last.

Well, get in there and use the time to your advantage.

We're not supposed to study. We have to sit there and do nothing.

Well, mister, you figure out a way to study.

Yeah.

Well, go.

Hey, I screwed around. Guys screw around.

There's nothing wrong with that. Except you got caught, sport.

Yeah, Mom already reamed me, all right?

You want to miss a match? You want to blow your ride?

Now, no school is gonna give a scholarship to a discipline case.

Well, well. Here we are.

I wanna congratulate you for being on time.

Excuse me, sir. I think there's been a mistake.

I know it's detention, but, um, I don't think I belong in here.

It is now 7:06.

You have exactly eight hours and 54 minutes

to think about why you're here...

...to ponder the error of your ways.

You may not talk.

You will not move from these seats.

And you...

will not sleep.

All right, people, we're gonna try something a little different today.

We are going to write an essay...

of no less than a thousand words...

describing to me who you think you are.

This a test?

And when I say "essay," I mean essay.

I do not mean a single word repeated a thousand times.

Is that clear, Mr. Bender?

- Crystal. - Good.

Maybe you'll learn a little something about yourself.

Maybe you'll even decide whether or not you care to return.

Um, you know, I can answer that right now, sir.

That'd be "no," "no" for me, 'cause--

- Sit down, Johnson. - Thank you, sir.

My office is right across that hall.

Any monkey business is ill-advised.

Any questions?

Yeah. I got a question.

Does Barry Manilow know that you raid his wardrobe?

I'll give you the answer to that question, Mr. Bender, next Saturday.

Don't mess with the bull, young man. You'll get the horns.

That man is a brownie hound.

You keep eating your hand, you're not gonna be hungry for lunch.

I've seen you before, you know.

Who I think I am.

Who are you?

Who are you?

I am a walrus.

It's the shits, huh?

I can't believe this is really happening to me.

Oh, shit!

What are we supposed to do if we have to take a piss?

- Please. - If you gotta go, you gotta go.

Oh, my God.

- You're not urinating in here. - Don't talk. It makes it crawl back up.

You whip it out and you're dead before the first drop hits the floor.

You're pretty sexy when you get angry.

Hey, homeboy, why don't you go close that door?

We'll get the prom queen impregnated.

Hey.

- Hey! - What?

If I lose my temper, you're totaled, man.

Totally?

Totally.

Why don't you just shut up? Nobody here is interested.

Really. Butt-face.

Well, hey, sporto, what'd you do to get in here?

Forget to wash your jock?

Excuse me, fellas. I think we should just write our papers.

Just because you live in here doesn't give you the right to be a pain in the ass.

So knock it off!

Well, it's a free country.

He's just doing it to get a rise out of you. Just ignore him.

Sweets?

You couldn't ignore me if you tried.

So...

so...

are you guys, like, boyfriend-girlfriend?

Steady dates?

Lovers?

Come on, sporto. Level with me.

Do you slip her the hot-beef injection?

- Go to hell! - Enough!

Hey! What's going on in there?

Spoiled little pricks.

Scumbag.

What do you say we close that door? We can't have any kind of party

with Vernon checking us out every few seconds.

You know, the door's supposed to stay open.

- So what? - So why don't you just shut up?

- There's four other people here, you know. - You can count.

See, I knew you had to be smart to be a wrestler.

- Who the hell are you to judge anybody? - Really.

You know, Bender, you don't even count.

If you disappeared forever, it wouldn't make any difference.

You may as well not even exist at this school.

Well, I'll just run right out and join the wrestling team.

Maybe the prep club too.

- Student council. - No. They wouldn't take you.

I'm hurtin'.

You know why guys like you knock everything?

This should be stunning.

- It's 'cause you're afraid. - Oh, God, you richies are so smart.

That's exactly why I'm not heavy into activities.

You're a big coward.

I'm in the math club.

You're afraid they won't take you.

You don't belong, so you have to dump all over it.

Well, it wouldn't have anything to do

with you activities people being assholes, now, would it?

You wouldn't know. You don't even know any of us.

Well, I don't know any lepers either, but I'm not gonna run out

and join one of their fucking clubs.

- Hey, let's watch the mouth, huh? - I'm in the physics club too.

Excuse me a sec. What are you babbling about?

Well, what I'd said was that I'm in the math club,

uh, the Latin club, and the physics clu-- Physics club.

Hey. Cherry.

Do you belong to the physics club?

That's an academic club.

So?

So academic clubs aren't the same as other kinds of clubs.

Ah, but to dorks like him, they are.

What do you guys do in your club?

In physics, well, we, uh--

We talk about physics, uh, properties of physics.

So it's sort of social.

Demented and sad, but social. Right?

Yeah, well, I guess you could consider it a social situation.

Um, I mean, there are other children in my club.

And, uh, at the end of the year, we have, um--

We have, you know, a big banquet at the Hilton.

You load up. You party.

No. We get dressed up, I mean, but we don't-- We don't get high.

Only burners like you get high.

I didn't have shoes. I had to borrow my dad's.

It was weird 'cause my mom doesn't like me to wear other people's shoes.

My cousal Ken-- Um, my cousin Kendall from Indiana, he got high once.

He started eating really weird foods.

And then he felt like he didn't belong anywhere.

Kind of like, you know, Twilight Zone, kind of.

Sounds like you.

You guys keep up your talking and Vernon's gonna come right in here.

I got a meet this Saturday.

I'm not gonna miss it on account of you boneheads.

Oh, and wouldn't that be a bite, huh? Missing a whole wrestling meet?

You wouldn't know anything about it, faggot.

You never competed in your whole life.

Oh, I know. And I feel all empty inside because of it.

I have such a deep admiration for guys who roll around on the floor with other guys.

Ah, you'd never miss it. You don't have any goals.

- Oh, but I do. - Yeah?

I want to be just like you.

I figure all I need's a lobotomy and some tights.

You wear tights?

No, I don't wear tights. I wear the required uniform.

- Tights. - Shut up.

Ooh.

You know, there's not supposed to be any monkey business.

Young man, have you finished your paper?

Come on, Bender, don't screw around.

- What are you gonna do? - Drop dead, I hope.

Ah.

Haga naga! All right!

Bender, that's-- That's school property there.

I mean, that doesn't belong to us. It's something not to be toyed with.

- Very funny. Come on. Fix it. - You should fix that.

- Am I a genius? - No, you're an asshole.

- What a funny guy. Everyone, just shh. - Fix the door, Bender!